Do parents sometimes mean it when they say they hate you?

My mum has been like offish with me for months now and is sick of my nerdy ways and lack of ambition, she says that she hates me and that she wishes she had had another kid (im an only child) so that at least one of us would be normal. If she had known Id have turned out like this she wouldn't have bothered having me. She also said that she always wondered how people could hate there kids and murder them but now she understands why.

Do you think she means it or is it just a feeling towards me or something? Next time she says she hates me im thinking of saying'well I don't hate you' bu it would be too soppy lol.

Reply 1

supernova2

11

Im scared of your mum :frown:

She probably doesnt mean what she saying (obviously I doubt shed murder you...) but she probably just wants to make you feel like ****. In conclusion, move out as soon as possible.

Reply 2

Sazarina88

11

If she just said "I hate you" then I would more readily accept that she's just being a bit moody but the comments that you've listed are not something I would ever hope to hear from a mother's mouth.

Is your father in the picture? If so, does he comment anything like this or tell you she doesn't mean it?

Does she show you any love and affection? I'm quite worried for you :frown:

Sarah xx

Reply 3

bacteriophage

3

OMG that's horrible! Maybe she has her own problems and is taking it out on you. You said she wants one of you to be normal so she obviously thinks there is something wrong with herself. She probably doesn't mean it.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Sazarina88

If she just said "I hate you" then I would more readily accept that she's just being a bit moody but the comments that you've listed are not something I would ever hope to hear from a mother's mouth.

Is your father in the picture? If so, does he comment anything like this or tell you she doesn't mean it?

Does she show you any love and affection? I'm quite worried for you :frown:

Sarah xx

I guess shes just different, she used to show me affection as a child and also got really worried about me if I wasn't home by a certain time but I think lately shes peed off cause Im a dissapointment to her. A few years ago after an argument I remember her saying something like ' I'l say this once but you mean the world to me' but she could have changed her mind couldn't she?

Reply 5

Sazarina88

11

Has she been to see the doctor? I'm not a psychologist yet but perhaps mental health problem?

If not, perhaps her views have changed but I'm sure deep down she loves you. Perhaps the way she is acting is a barrier .. to try and make you change certain aspects of your character?

She is definitely being unfair though - as I often advise - have you tried talking to her about it at all?

Reply 6

Bubblebee

15

Nah, it's a bond....

Maybe you could try and see stuff from her side occasionally. She prob thinks now you are a bit older she can rely on you sometimes instead of always being the mother. A few nice gesture wouldn't go amiss, and maybe instead of complaining on here, take a look at what she is saying, you haven't achieved anything, get out there and bloody well achieve something!

In hindsight sorry to sound a bit harsh!

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Bubblebee

Nah, it's a bond....

Maybe you could try and see stuff from her side occasionally. She prob thinks now you are a bit older she can rely on you sometimes instead of always being the mother. A few nice gesture wouldn't go amiss, and maybe instead of complaining on here, take a look at what she is saying, you haven't achieved anything, get out there and bloody well achieve something!

In hindsight sorry to sound a bit harsh!

Why should it be her problem whether I achieve something or not? The more she talks like this the less I want to, besides she says she is embarrased and doesn't care about me anymore and told me to do what I like. Rely on me for what, I do her favours etc

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Sazarina88

Has she been to see the doctor? I'm not a psychologist yet but perhaps mental health problem?

If not, perhaps her views have changed but I'm sure deep down she loves you. Perhaps the way she is acting is a barrier .. to try and make you change certain aspects of your character?

She is definitely being unfair though - as I often advise - have you tried talking to her about it at all?

I really don't think she has a health problem, its just the way she is, she might just be thinking up the nastiest things and saying them, but it sounds like she means them too.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

Um I reckon she has her own issues. I hate you in an argument- may-be but I wish I never had you sounds like a dreadful thing to say. If u can move out I suggest u think about it. My Mum did this to me when she had depression and she did bring me down, crashing down. She is better now and we get on good but I wish I'd escaped her before of the way it affected me

Reply 10

Bubblebee

15

Because it's you mum, and you are her only kid.

It's like a parents legacy, she wants you to do all the thing she didn't.. cliche I know!
Perhaps she does know best, wanting you to have ambition is normal but the way she is expressing it isn't. You need to start the change I think, by talking less and doing more!

Honestly, I wish my parents showed some emotion like that over me!

Reply 11

Sazarina88

11

Well ok, if she doesn't have a mental health problem why on earth would any mother be like that with their own child?

I just don't get it. My mother has moments of being ratty and irritated with me and I was once told by my parents during an argument that "they're only staying together because of me" but she would never tell me half of the things you've said.

Seriously, talk to her.

Reply 12

Sazarina88

11

Bubblebee

Honestly, I wish my parents showed some emotion like that over me!

You really want your parents to tell you they hate you and wished you'd never been born?

Oh my.

Reply 13

Dr Doom

i dont think she means it. she just worried about you.

Reply 14

Sithius

16

Damn man, sorry to hear.

Reply 15

andy_cole2

14

thats hard and harsh. in what ways have u failed her u say ur nerdy and then say u have no ambition so erm what have you done ...

also having no ambition mite by some be seen as a bad thing. so i would imagine she sees the parts of you that aren't ambitious etc and then questions herself and her parenting. her 'hating you' could easily tranlsate into her seeing in you her own failings, or what she perceives as her failings., you havent given much away in ur post about the situation adn arguments etc i think if she came tosee that she hadnt failed raising you, which of cousre she hasnt ur still alive and kicking :p:

then maybe she mite soften. i dont think its a hatred of you its a hatred of how she perceives u through some weird glasses of hers...

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

andy_cole2

thats hard and harsh. in what ways have u failed her u say ur nerdy and then say u have no ambition so erm what have you done ...

also having no ambition mite by some be seen as a bad thing. so i would imagine she sees the parts of you that aren't ambitious etc and then questions herself and her parenting. her 'hating you' could easily tranlsate into her seeing in you her own failings, or what she perceives as her failings., you havent given much away in ur post about the situation adn arguments etc i think if she came tosee that she hadnt failed raising you, which of cousre she hasnt ur still alive and kicking :p:

then maybe she mite soften. i dont think its a hatred of you its a hatred of how she perceives u through some weird glasses of hers...

Im just..annoying, I don't have much of a social life and she says that I follow her a lot lol but thats cause I like talking to her..as pathetic as it sounds, I don't speak to her anymore than my dad does though its different cause I should have my own life really. Im just the opposite of a normal teenager she wants me to be normal and go out at night :redface:

Reply 17

Dark and Lovely

15

This is not helpful but as far as i am concerned what she has said to you is child abuse! She's making you question yourself when a parent is supposed to love their child regardless, i'm not physically there to see what goes on of course but that is pretty awful.

Reply 18

Jonatan

13

Anonymous

My mum has been like offish with me for months now and is sick of my nerdy ways and lack of ambition, she says that she hates me and that she wishes she had had another kid (im an only child) so that at least one of us would be normal. If she had known Id have turned out like this she wouldn't have bothered having me. She also said that she always wondered how people could hate there kids and murder them but now she understands why.

Do you think she means it or is it just a feeling towards me or something? Next time she says she hates me im thinking of saying'well I don't hate you' bu it would be too soppy lol.

She probably doesn't mean it, but I have to say she sure isn't particularily good at raising children if she treats you like that. Saying that sort of stuff to your kids is irresponsible at best, outright malicious at worst.

Reply 19

Pandamonk

5

Anonymous

My mum has been like offish with me for months now and is sick of my nerdy ways and lack of ambition, she says that she hates me and that she wishes she had had another kid (im an only child) so that at least one of us would be normal. If she had known Id have turned out like this she wouldn't have bothered having me. She also said that she always wondered how people could hate there kids and murder them but now she understands why.

Do you think she means it or is it just a feeling towards me or something? Next time she says she hates me im thinking of saying'well I don't hate you' bu it would be too soppy lol.

What age are you? Do you have many/any hobbies? Do you have any plans for the future? Do you work? Do you just sit around and watch TV/go on the comp? Do you have many/any friends? What about girl/boyfriends? maybe she's right(not about hating you, but about nerdiness and lack of ambition).

I'm sure she's just worried, but it's not nice if she tells you she hates you/wish she never had you. I think she has mothered you too much, and now she's that you've grown up and can't amagine how you act that way. If anything it is her fault. Ok, children need guidelines etc, but sometimes the parents take it a bit too far.

Why not get out there and start becoming ambitious. Look for role models etc. Think about all the people who have really done something with their life, and don't think that you can never be like them, but that you are better than them and can far surpass what they have acheived!!

Ok, i'll give you an insight into my life to maybe help to show you what you can do, and how you can help yourself. A few years ago i was diagnosed with osteo sarcoma(bone cancer), in my knee joint. I had to go through chemotherapy which lasted 3 days with a 3 week break. I had 2 lots of chemo, then a huge operation to remove my knee joint and replace it with a prosthetic knee. After this operation i had 4 more lots of chemo and it was over, i got the all clear.

Chemotherapy is horrible stuff. What it does is attack your body destroying the rapidly deviding cells, such as hair, immune system, and cancer, then in the break your body starts to recover quicker than the cancer, then they give you chemo again which knocks your whole system then you recover quicker than the cancer, and this goes on shrinking the cancer, but ****ing up your body at the same time. Along with losing your hair, you are being sick almost constantly, you get terrible mouth ulcers, you can't eat much, you are extremely susceptible to illness, and you just generally feel terrible.

Anyway, I'm over this now, and that year i managed to pass higher music, even though i was off school for most of the year. The next year i got a few more highers and now I'm in college studying music&audio technology(passed the first year HNC[passing every class and with a few merits], and am about to start the HND, with the hope of going to Uni next year for a year to get my degree). I'm building my own semi-pro studio in my back garden, I've started up my own record label, and am starting my own promtions and PA hire company. Along with this I've been in many bands playing drums, a couple when i was going thru the chemo, although not as much as before and after, and recorded a few demos and an album with a couple of them. I'm applying for a job as sound engineer at Glasgow Barfly, and put on the occasional gig, and do the sound for an acoustic night. All this and I'm only 18!

Get some ambition man!

You can do anything if you put your mind to it!!!

Pandamonk(aka Lee)

EDIT: also, throughout all this I've had a girlfriend for 3 n 1/2 years, and have some great friends. Anyway hope this helps to show you what is possible if you put your mind to it.

Do parents sometimes mean it when they say they hate you?

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