This discussion is closed.
hitchhiker_13
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#21
Report 15 years ago
#21
(Original post by XTinaA)
Tip: never tell those sort of jokes. Instead, as I do with my mates, jokingly tell each other that their subjects are mickey-mouse and laugh while they get defensive

Always a good strategy. ICT people are the easiest I think. And obviously media studies.

P.S. This does not necessarily reflect my views on these subjects. It is merely a defence mechanism to be applied when you fail to get any sympathy while struggling with a difficult maths problem!
0
theaman
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#22
Report Thread starter 15 years ago
#22
(Original post by XTinaA)
Alright fine!

What do Arsenal have in common with a three-pin plug?

Both useless in Europe...
LOL.

I like that one.

Another Arsenal one?

Why can you not drink tea at Highbury?

Because all the mugs are on the pitch....
0
makesomenoise
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#23
Report 15 years ago
#23
(Original post by hitchhiker_13)
Always a good strategy. ICT people are the easiest I think. And obviously media studies.

P.S. This does not necessarily reflect my views on these subjects. It is merely a defence mechanism to be applied when you fail to get any sympathy while struggling with a difficult maths problem!
Ah well the lads are brilliant about it all, I can jokingly **** off law and geography among others and they can **** off maths, it's all good.
0
makesomenoise
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#24
Report 15 years ago
#24
(Original post by theaman)
LOL.

I like that one.

Another Arsenal one?

Why can you not drink tea at Highbury?

Because all the mugs are on the pitch....
Mmm, heard it recently

You've probably heard the teabag one...
0
theaman
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#25
Report Thread starter 15 years ago
#25
(Original post by XTinaA)
You've probably heard the teabag one...
Remind me........
0
makesomenoise
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#26
Report 15 years ago
#26
(Original post by theaman)
Remind me........
What's the difference between Spurs and a teabag?

The teabag stays in the cup longer...

And how's this:

Glenn Hoddle faints in the bank. He comes to, and asks where he is. He is told "You're in the Nationwide"...
0
theaman
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#27
Report Thread starter 15 years ago
#27
(Original post by XTinaA)
What's the difference between Spurs and a teabag?

The teabag stays in the cup longer...

And how's this:

Glenn Hoddle faints in the bank. He comes to, and asks where he is. He is told "You're in the Nationwide"...
LOL. Get used to the Spurs jokes after a while!

Here's another......

I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".
0
mc_watson87
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#28
Report 15 years ago
#28
David Blaine didn't set the record in the box, Heskey has been there for years without doing anything.
0
Zapsta
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#29
Report 15 years ago
#29
Two men sitting in the bar, one says to the other "You see the football last night?" The other man says "Yeah, Chelsea knocked Arsenal out the Champions' League."
0
mc_watson87
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#30
Report 15 years ago
#30
(Original post by Zapsta)
Two men sitting in the bar, one says to the other "You see the football last night?" The other man says "Yeah, Chelsea knocked Arsenal out the Champions' League."
Great, lol
0
makesomenoise
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#31
Report 15 years ago
#31
Keane wants to know why Arsenal are doing so well. So he goes to a Gunners training session. He asks Vieira what the secret is. Vieira says, "Ask you team questions. It keeps them on their toes". So Vieira gives Keane an example. They go to Bergkamp, and Vieira asks "Who is my father's only son?", to which Bergkamp replies "It's me, Dennis Bergkamp". Keane is amazed, "Nice, I'll try that with my lads!".

So off he goes, he gets Beckham and asks him the same question. Beckham says "Can you give me a day to get it Roy?" Keane allows this, and that night Beckham rings Stam and asks this question. The answer: "It's me, Jaap Stam". Beckham hails Stam's genius and the next day tells Keane he's got the answer.

Keane: "So who is my father's only son?"
Beckham: "It's me, Japp Stam!"
Keane: "No! It's me, Dennis Bergkamp!"
0
theaman
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#32
Report Thread starter 15 years ago
#32
(Original post by XTinaA)
Keane wants to know why Arsenal are doing so well. So he goes to a Gunners training session. He asks Vieira what the secret is. Vieira says, "Ask you team questions. It keeps them on their toes". So Vieira gives Keane an example. They go to Bergkamp, and Vieira asks "Who is my father's only son?", to which Bergkamp replies "It's me, Dennis Bergkamp". Keane is amazed, "Nice, I'll try that with my lads!".

So off he goes, he gets Beckham and asks him the same question. Beckham says "Can you give me a day to get it Roy?" Keane allows this, and that night Beckham rings Stam and asks this question. The answer: "It's me, Jaap Stam". Beckham hails Stam's genius and the next day tells Keane he's got the answer.

Keane: "So who is my father's only son?"
Beckham: "It's me, Japp Stam!"
Keane: "No! It's me, Dennis Bergkamp!"
Not as good as the Spurs and Arsenal ones!

Any more jokes people?
0
Danithestudent
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#33
Report 15 years ago
#33
What do you call a man with a spade in his head?















A victim of a very unfortunate gardening accident!

haha bet u thought I was gonna say Doug HAHAHAHAH
0
jyuk
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#34
Report 15 years ago
#34
A woman with no arms and legs is lying on a beach.

An Englishman comes along and says "oh my god, have you ever been touched before?"
The woman replies "no"
So the Englishman touches her for the first time and leaves.
Later comes a Scotsman he says "oh my god, have you ever been kissed before?"
The woman replies "no"
So the Scotsman kisses her for the first time and leaves.
Then along comes an Irishman and he says "oh my god, have you ever been f***ed before?"
The woman replies "no"
The Irishman says "Well you are now, the tide's coming in."

Hehe
0
G4ry
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#35
Report 15 years ago
#35
I read some good jokes today, but this one i thought was very good.

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to
shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your
face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The
second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples."
0
username1170
Badges: 0
#36
Report 15 years ago
#36
One day George W. Bush and **** Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"
The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away.

Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."

0
shilling
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#37
Report 15 years ago
#37
Descartes walks into a fish'n'chip shop, and orders a portion of chips.
The lady asks "would you like vinegar with that?"
Descartes replies "Err....I think not" - and disappears in a puff of smoke.
0
MattG
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#38
Report 15 years ago
#38
(Original post by Shaft)
One day George W. Bush and **** Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"
The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away.

Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."

ha ha ha

what has harold shipman and gareth gates got in common?



they both can't finish a sentence....

what does a russian submarine and a used condom got in common?



both full of useless se(a)men!
0
mangomaz
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#39
Report 15 years ago
#39
why couldnt suzie ride a bike?

Because she was a fish.
0
muncrun
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#40
Report 15 years ago
#40
What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?




The little boy in my cupboard.
0
X
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Did you vote in the 2019 general election?

Yes (300)
46.37%
No (74)
11.44%
I'm not old enough (273)
42.19%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed