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Stevanh
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#41
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#41
A man is strolling past a lunatic asylum when he hears a loud chanting."thirteen thirteen thirteen!" goes the noise from the mental hospital wards.

The mans curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in the security fence.Its not long before he finds a small crack, so he leans forward and peers in.

Instantly ,someone jabs him in the eye.As he reels back in agony,the chanting continues "fourteen fourteen fourteen!"
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Dickie
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#42
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#42
two hydrogen atoms bump into each other. One says to the other "I think ive lost an electron!", to which the other replies "are you sure?". The first hydrogen atom says "yeah, im positive" (bu-doom tsh)

--

A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a beer. It asks how much it costs. The bartender replies "no charge for you"

--

Bloke goes into a pub and says "can I have a packet of helicopter flavoured crisps please ?"

"Sorry," says the barman, "we've only got plain"....

--

geeky chemistry jokes rock :cool:
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theaman
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#43
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#43
They're not geeky - they're one-liners, which are very funny, and which most comedians use!
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Dickie
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#44
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#44
(Original post by theaman)
They're not geeky - they're one-liners, which are very funny, and which most comedians use!
they are geeky - most people wouldnt understand the significance of the positive hydrogen, or the 'no charge'
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theaman
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#45
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#45
(Original post by Dickie)
they are geeky - most people wouldnt understand the significance of the positive hydrogen, or the 'no charge'
Maybe not, but the others are not geeky.
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Stevanh
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#46
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#46
Naughty Naughty

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying
hysterically in the kitchen.

"What's wrong dearest??" asked the confused husband.

"Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do???"

"Well," replied the man...
"I guess a spanking is out of the question?"
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kindersurprise
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#47
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#47
How many posh girls does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to hold the diet coke, the other to call daddy.
xox
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]{ingnik
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#48
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#48
(Original post by kindersurprise)
How many posh girls does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to hold the diet coke, the other to call daddy.
xox
how many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb?
svene

how many mice does it take to change a light bulb?
fewer than it takes to change a heavy bulb


how many botanists... and so on... as you can probably tell i thought those up a moment ago. probably been done before.
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kindersurprise
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#49
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#49
(Original post by ]{ingnik)
how many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb?
svene
Hehe lovin it
My friend says hes dyslexic
"but not in that way"
How many ways are there!?
xox
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]{ingnik
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#50
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#50
(Original post by kindersurprise)
Hehe lovin it
My friend says hes dyslexic
"but not in that way"
How many ways are there!?
xox
perhaps he is severly dyslexic and actually meant to say something completely different.
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jyuk
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#51
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#51
How many irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

11, one to hold the lightbulb, the other 10 to drink guiness until the room spins.
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jyuk
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#52
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#52
An Irish man and a Jewish man are drinking in a pub. Then 11 o'clock comes on, and they both sit there watching it. The headline was a woman standing on top of a building threatening to jump.
The jewish man says to the irish guy "i'll bet you £100 she jumps."
Irish man replies "sure, bet's on."
A few minutes later they see the woman jump. So the Irishman forks over £100.
Later as the irish man is about to leave the jewish man gives him back the £100

"you should have your money back I saw her jump on the 6 o'clock news." said the jewish man
The irish man replies "hey so did I, but i didn't think she would jump again at 11 o'clock."
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viviki
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#53
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#53
This doesnt really fit in here but I couldnt be bothered to start a new thread for this
How thick are some people lol.
http://212.120.142.67/football_team/gu/potatoes.mp3
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wonderboy
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#54
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#54
(Original post by viviki)
This doesnt really fit in here but I couldnt be bothered to start a new thread for this
How thick are some people lol.
http://212.120.142.67/football_team/gu/potatoes.mp3
lol
"But I don't know what they are"


Why did the girl fall off the swing?













Because she had no arms. :eek:
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Amb1
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#55
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#55
(Original post by shilling)
Descartes walks into a fish'n'chip shop, and orders a portion of chips.
The lady asks "would you like vinegar with that?"
Descartes replies "Err....I think not" - and disappears in a puff of smoke.
Descartes walks into a fish'n'chip shop and the guy behind the counter says "are you hungry?"
Descartes replies "I am not" - and goes braindead!
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Amb1
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#56
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#56
(Original post by MattG)
ha ha ha

what has harold shipman and gareth gates got in common?



they both can't finish a sentence....
Harold Shipman is sentenced to death. For his last meal he has a chicken tikka and boiled rice. When he's finished the guard asks if he enjoyed his last meal. He replies, "it was ok - but I could've murdered a nan"!

(sorry it's a bit sick!)
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Bart Simpson
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#57
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#57
I got one look at my signature
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