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Should I Just Give Up On Him?

I don't know how to explain it but, I've been talking to this guy, via text and phone calls for about a month. He works as an estate agent so he's really busy and we have only met up 4 times. He have had sex only once and every time I go to his place we cuddle, chill out, order take-away and all that kinda stuff.

I would like to say he is my "romantic interest". We have agreed not to see any other people but each other.. But we haven't really discussed whether we are an item or not...

But what is really starting to get on my nerves, from day one it has always been me to text him or message him. I just feel like he doesn't give me any thought throughout the day and I just feel like he doesn't really "pay attention" to our situation. It can go on for days until I'm the one that texts him. Now I know what some people might say "well you're not a couple so what do you expect" and etc. So my thought is exactly. But, I feel like he just doesn't try and that's what annoys me. Now I've brought this up with him and he says that he just doesn't think of it as a big deal because he's used to be alone. But that just tells me he doesn't really think of anything between us... Do you think I should just cut my losses short before I start to develop some serious emotions for him?

I don't know what to do at the moment. What are you (helpful) suggestions?

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Ok, I think maybe he doesn't understand what is actually going on between you two?. but on the other hand it seems to me you guys are physically attracted but there's no basic friendship connection there. like for you to both be interested in each other as much as each other you both gotta know where youre both coming from, but that's not the case here? so you gotta talk it out. Also do you have a good time together and do click well when you're together? because if you do I dunno why he's being such a douche :P
that's happened to me before and I just moved on .
Reply 2
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Archit13
1
You're evidently attached to him, physically and emotionally. And by the looks of it, doesn't seem as if it's the same from his end. You always message him first and put in the effort to talk, which maybe he's gotten so used to that he knows you're gonna message him so he doesn't bother...
Don't text him until he texts you. Let him know that you aren't happy with the way things are, be a lil unpredictable.
If he doesn't have feelings for you he won't really bother. And that's when you'll know whether to move on or not.


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Reply 3
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Anandee929
Ok, I think maybe he doesn't understand what is actually going on between you two?. but on the other hand it seems to me you guys are physically attracted but there's no basic friendship connection there. like for you to both be interested in each other as much as each other you both gotta know where youre both coming from, but that's not the case here? so you gotta talk it out. Also do you have a good time together and do click well when you're together? because if you do I dunno why he's being such a douche :P
that's happened to me before and I just moved on .


I also think that's the case. He is quite older and always uses the excuse "I don't want drama".

We have a really good time together. We met on Saturday at 3pm and I left his place at 12am. I was going to stop over but he snores so loudly and I'm revising for exams so I needed my beauty sleep.

Well I raised the issue and he said that his work was manic and that because he had 4 days off he didn't have a chance to text me. Which I think is ridiculous. Not finding 1 minute out of 12 hours for a simple text...?
Reply 4
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Archit13
You're evidently attached to him, physically and emotionally. And by the looks of it, doesn't seem as if it's the same from his end. You always message him first and put in the effort to talk, which maybe he's gotten so used to that he knows you're gonna message him so he doesn't bother...
Don't text him until he texts you. Let him know that you aren't happy with the way things are, be a lil unpredictable.
If he doesn't have feelings for you he won't really bother. And that's when you'll know whether to move on or not.


Posted from TSR Mobile


I'm really impatient and this trait gets the best of me unfortunately. However he said before he went to bed "let's talk tomorrow :smile: x". So I'm going to wait until he texts me first.

Did what you said "let him know that you aren't happy" and he simply said "I'm too tired to argue". For me he just seems to be running away from the issue. So, I think I'm gonna have to talk to him face to face to see what he really says. He's one of those dudes who does about 5 words in each message but when he's face-to-face he talks for hours on end! It's so frustrating because I text/type the way I speak and I'm very articulate!
As hard as it sounds I feel that he may not be as into you as you are into him?
or he is going through a massive personal problem , like family issues or something..

I am the type of person who doesn't wait around for others and if I were in your shoes I would question him and give him the chance to change his ways towards me. if that don't work id move on. because if you continue to feel like this whats the point.. I kinda had the same thing a while ago.. and I use to be the one who msssaged first..etc but he didn't really make an effort so I left it...:P
Do you ever go out together? or do you usually end up going to his house? How big is the age difference? Has he ever brought up the age difference and any concerns he may have with it?
Reply 7
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Anandee929
As hard as it sounds I feel that he may not be as into you as you are into him?
or he is going through a massive personal problem , like family issues or something..

I am the type of person who doesn't wait around for others and if I were in your shoes I would question him and give him the chance to change his ways towards me. if that don't work id move on. because if you continue to feel like this whats the point.. I kinda had the same thing a while ago.. and I use to be the one who msssaged first..etc but he didn't really make an effort so I left it...:P


1. he looks after his aunty who has dementia. But this is rarely.
2. I am going to do this the next time we meet up because I am starting to get annoyed.
3. I feel the same way, like he's not showing effort so I'm like what is the point! Last night he went to bed at 9pm and said "let's talk tomorrow :smile: x" So I'm going to wait until he messages me and arrange to meet up to talk about it!
Reply 8
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OP
Original post by James2015
Do you ever go out together? or do you usually end up going to his house? How big is the age difference? Has he ever brought up the age difference and any concerns he may have with it?


1. Well we go to get drinks, coffees etc. But we haven't done anything like bowling, and etc. I wanted to catch a film but he went on about "I'm not staying in a dark room when the weather's this good" (was last Sat).. I end up going to his house and chilling, but it's not like every time I go we have sex. That is not the case.
3. The age gap is 23 years my senior and no he hasn't ever mentioned with age gap.
reading everything you've said it doesn't sound like a health relationship... and he doesn't seem to take into account what you want. I think you can be happier with someone else... don't go hunting though :P.. it will come to you :smile: everyone should be happy on their own.. a loving relationship is just the cherry on top.
Original post by Anonymous
1. Well we go to get drinks, coffees etc. But we haven't done anything like bowling, and etc. I wanted to catch a film but he went on about "I'm not staying in a dark room when the weather's this good" (was last Sat).. I end up going to his house and chilling, but it's not like every time I go we have sex. That is not the case.
3. The age gap is 23 years my senior and no he hasn't ever mentioned with age gap.


Explains why he isn't as needy as you. He obviously won't feel the honeymoon phase the same way you do. This is why huge age-gaps aren't encouraged...
Original post by Anonymous
1. Well we go to get drinks, coffees etc. But we haven't done anything like bowling, and etc. I wanted to catch a film but he went on about "I'm not staying in a dark room when the weather's this good" (was last Sat).. I end up going to his house and chilling, but it's not like every time I go we have sex. That is not the case.
3. The age gap is 23 years my senior and no he hasn't ever mentioned with age gap.


From the information you have said i would say;
1. He's older so probably hes been married before and has had his fair share of serious relationships.
2. He won't check his phone 24/7 like an 18 year old so don't worry if he takes longer to reply.
3. I don't think he's just after sex.
4. I think he does like you but is a bit scared of committing to a girl your age given that you have loads more options especially with guys a lot younger.
5. I know you like this guy and i can see you are somewhat attached to him but you need to figure out what you want. Do you want a relationship or something casual? Does he fit in with your future plans? Kids/Marriage etc.
6. You are two different people i think personally based on the fact you made this thread you need a guy who has more time to give you attention. I think he's less needy given his age and maturity in relationships and won't give you the attention you need.
Original post by James2015
From the information you have said i would say;
1. He's older so probably hes been married before and has had his fair share of serious relationships.
2. He won't check his phone 24/7 like an 18 year old so don't worry if he takes longer to reply.
3. I don't think he's just after sex.
4. I think he does like you but is a bit scared of committing to a girl your age given that you have loads more options especially with guys a lot younger.
5. I know you like this guy and i can see you are somewhat attached to him but you need to figure out what you want. Do you want a relationship or something casual? Does he fit in with your future plans? Kids/Marriage etc.
6. You are two different people i think personally based on the fact you made this thread you need a guy who has more time to give you attention. I think he's less needy given his age and maturity in relationships and won't give you the attention you need.


1. He hasn't been in a relationship for 5 years (he's never been married, although engaged).
3. I don't think he is. Been to his 4 times and we've had sex once.
4. FUnny you mention that. Went on a date with another man last week. I told him (he text me when I was on the date) and he got quite arsey with me and angry that I appeared to be "seeing other men" (I am obvs going to explore other options because I have no idea what him and I are!
5. I plan to go to uni in Sept.. We have discussed this and he said he would move for the right person. He also did say he does "fancy me but doesn't want teenage drama". I would like a relationship.
6. I completely agree. Do you think I should talk to him about giving me more attention or just delete his number? I think the latter would be rude and I think he deserves a bit more than that. What do you think?

(Thanks everyone who has replied. You have helped me a bunch)!
Do you just might think he isn't a text kind of person? Like you said he talks a lot when you guys are together. I understand when you say he doesn't bother to put in the effort to reply to you. But perhaps he just might not be used to texting people? Have you talked to him on the phone? Is there a difference? And the fact that he has a job and is a lot more mature shows that he has other things in his life that matters more. It is still early on the relationship and all relationships need time. You can address your issues with him and see if he has any solutions where both of you can make this work, together. Don't be too rushed to end this because you might regret it later. This is only my opinion but do what is right for you.
In a relationship I think you both need to work together to make it happen. It's not a me-factor anymore, both of you have to think about the others feelings and understand each other from their perspective. But then again it all takes effort. It's up to you :smile: Just don't stress! Tc :biggrin:
Original post by Anonymous
I also think that's the case. He is quite older and always uses the excuse "I don't want drama".

We have a really good time together. We met on Saturday at 3pm and I left his place at 12am. I was going to stop over but he snores so loudly and I'm revising for exams so I needed my beauty sleep.

Well I raised the issue and he said that his work was manic and that because he had 4 days off he didn't have a chance to text me. Which I think is ridiculous. Not finding 1 minute out of 12 hours for a simple text...?



Haha...I have been in this situation so many times it's stupid. All you want is a simple "I'm thinking of you" type of text, just to know that you don't have to remind him of your existence all the time". He's one of those people you think that if you hadn't of texted, how long can they go without contact?! My previous boyfriend was like this - we literally didn't speak for 2 weeks because I refused to text him first, then I got a "ite?" text. Seriously!??!

I recommend you crack down on exams though, because staying for 9 hours at his house (I doubt you revised) is pushing it quite a bit, especially with someone who you don't really know what is going on with.

Use your exams as a way of focusing on yourself and not to text him. Nothing at all, make no moves until he does. This can take a while, and let it. Buttttt - if he texts you , then clearly it worked, and he shouldn't take you for granted, if he hasn't ...then I guess you know what to do. Some people take longer to miss each other than others.
just saying.. you're going to university so there will be so many people there, you might just find someone your age that you really connect with... like someone else mentioned, he's not as needy as you as he is older.. if that bothers you then clearly its not gonna last long
(btw I don't mean to sound harsh :P )
How old are you thhough?
Original post by stargirl63
Haha...I have been in this situation so many times it's stupid. All you want is a simple "I'm thinking of you" type of text, just to know that you don't have to remind him of your existence all the time". He's one of those people you think that if you hadn't of texted, how long can they go without contact?! My previous boyfriend was like this - we literally didn't speak for 2 weeks because I refused to text him first, then I got a "ite?" text. Seriously!??!

I recommend you crack down on exams though, because staying for 9 hours at his house (I doubt you revised) is pushing it quite a bit, especially with someone who you don't really know what is going on with.

Use your exams as a way of focusing on yourself and not to text him. Nothing at all, make no moves until he does. This can take a while, and let it. Buttttt - if he texts you , then clearly it worked, and he shouldn't take you for granted, if he hasn't ...then I guess you know what to do. Some people take longer to miss each other than others.


Yes, that is all I literally want. I really do not see how it's so hard! And omg about your ex-bf! I would not put up with that!!! That would drive me insane! It doesn't matter how old you are, but you always want to know where you stand with people and to know that they appreciate you!

I didn't revise when I was with him, but I did revise before going to his house. There's only so much my brain can take on revision though!

He text me just an hr ago (I didn't text him today) with "Afters" [afternoon]... I mean, I'm glad he did text me... But a little bit more like "how are you?" is just needed not a one worded text. Maybe I'm asking for too much :frown:
Original post by Anonymous
just saying.. you're going to university so there will be so many people there, you might just find someone your age that you really connect with... like someone else mentioned, he's not as needy as you as he is older.. if that bothers you then clearly its not gonna last long
(btw I don't mean to sound harsh :P )


I think it's unfair to say I'm needy. I mean he's said to me that he fancies me and wants it to develop. But taking 13 hours to reply to a text is not exactly wanting anything to develop and surely if you fancied someone, you'd make the effort?!
Original post by Anonymous
Yes, that is all I literally want. I really do not see how it's so hard! And omg about your ex-bf! I would not put up with that!!! That would drive me insane! It doesn't matter how old you are, but you always want to know where you stand with people and to know that they appreciate you!

I didn't revise when I was with him, but I did revise before going to his house. There's only so much my brain can take on revision though!

He text me just an hr ago (I didn't text him today) with "Afters" [afternoon]... I mean, I'm glad he did text me... But a little bit more like "how are you?" is just needed not a one worded text. Maybe I'm asking for too much :frown:


He's just not that bothered. Maybe he's got other interests?

Either way he's not going to suit. You'll just get more and more upset as it drags on, so cut your losses and find someone else.

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