The Student Room Group

Middle child syndome

Does anyone think they suffer from this? I am a middle child. I've always thought that I'm the most sane and easy-to-get-on-with sibling. I have good manners, I'm caring, I'm often a middleman, an organiser, I'm not an over achiever but I do ok. This is what I think of myself. However, whenever I'm at home during the uni holidays, even though my elder brother doesn't live at home anymore, I feel that I suffer from MCS. I've never really been that open with my feelings with my parents, and I now find it difficult to open up completely to my boyfriend. I think this might be due to being a middle child also.

I'm not trying to blame all my 'unhappiness' on being a middle child, I'm just sort of trying to assess my situation.

Anyway. The not being able to say everything on my mind: I think because ever since I was little, I've learned to cope on my own, to fix my own problems without anyone else's help. Or I was too busy worrying about my friends to worry about myself. For example I was always looking after people at kindergarten because I was completely happy to leave my mother at home, but others seemed very attached to theirs. Also, I guess my parents were focusing on my brother since he was a first child and they wanted to do things right, and obviously he would be doing pretty much everything first. My sister came along when I was 7 and I guess I feel like I didn't get much attention.

This evening, my mother has had 'a talk' with me, which basically consisted of tellilng me (in a round about bull**** 'i'm going to tell you a story/I like such and such a person way) that I only ever think of myself and that my brother is too nice to me and that she doesn't think I would be nice to my younger sister like my brother is to me. My brother has a "good job and is really nice to my granparents" (more so than me, my sister or my cousins), my sister is "open and enjoys doing things for other people - she's a giver". She didn't say one nice thing about me. I think this is how I've felt about my mother since I was quite young - That she doesn't really think as much of me as she does for my siblings. Lately, I've started to think that perhaps I just don't really LIKE my mother as a person. And that's kind of scary. I've just been noticing more and more things about her and feel she can be very fake and..well I really do feel like I just don't like her sometimes.

Now I'm not really used to being at home anymore because I've been at uni for 2 years and I LOVE living on my own/with friends. Well, basically WITHOUT family. My family have always been a 'let us know where you are at all times' kind and we have to ask permission, i feel, for more stuff than other people I know. (For example going out - basically we have to make sure we let everyone know about each others plans even if it doesn't make a slightest bit of difference to the rest of the family). So basically, I'm used to doing things how I like and when I want to since I don't have to ask anyone's permission for anything when I'm at uni. Perhaps this HAS made me slightly selfish in things like I don't understand why the hoovering has to be done NOW when I can do it after I've finished whatever it is I'm doing.

Argh I don't really know where this is going. I apologise for my ramblings.

I guess the question is: Do you think this stuff relates to the fact that I am a middle child? Or do you think I have 'issues'?

Thanks for reading if you got through all that!
tbh it just sounds like you dont get on with your mother. im the eldest child and i feel exactly like you lol
Reply 2
high priestess fnord
tbh it just sounds like you dont get on with your mother. im the eldest child and i feel exactly like you lol


Thanks for your reply. Do you have any ideas on how I should approach the situation? Right now, I feel like I don't even want to look at her, let alone speak to her. But I guess that's quite a childish things to do. However, I don't want to pretend that nothing is wrong as I hate fakeness!
nope. if you work out the answer please let me know. i just spend as little time with my family as possible.
:ditto:
i'm the youngest, therefore im a self centred, spoiled brat. But WHAT IS THIS??? I'm not really. That stuff about predefined roles is *******s. Like she said, you don't like your mum. Me neither, just get out, stay away and put em in a home when they can't eat solids anymore. That's what i did.
i believe someone started an angsty teen thread for people who dont get on with their families. so we arent alone lol
I'm similar, although I'm the eldest child. I don't think I'm as hard done by as you are, and from what your post reads like ,I don't do as much housework as you do. :biggrin:

Anyway, your family (in particular your mother) might have become used to the routine that she sets for herself, and you've got to remember that she doesn't dissappear off to uni/school/wherever every couple of months. She's stuck in the house (or work, at any rate, a routine), and thus expects you to comply with such a routine. I don't think you have "issues" at all, rather just frustration at not receiving as much love/care/attention (read that sentence in a positive way, not a selfish way) as the rest of your siblings. As long as you don't become jealous of your siblings, you should be ok.

It might also be that because you're at uni that you're not given as much attention - you're expected to be self-sufficient, and that evidently also is the case with regards to attention from your mum. It could also be that because your brother has already been through uni (pure speculation of course, sorry if I'm wrong) and has a good job that you don't get as much attention: the first-born is usually always the trailblazer, and parents expect the laterborn simply to follow on...
Reply 8
I wish I COULD get away! But since it's the summer holiday, I don't have anywhere else to live. I'm counting the days to my holiday with my boyfriend (no I can't get away to visit him as he is in germany now), and I've already started making plans on how NOT to have to spend as much time at home NEXT summer.
Dschingis
the first-born is usually always the trailblazer, and parents expect the laterborn simply to follow on...


haha im fairly certain my parents are dissapointed that my siblings are following in my footsteps. there isnt much money in art XD