So I have been chatting to this guy online for a few weeks now when he asked me if I had any children. I was really surprised as I thought it was clear from my profile that I had. It turned out I had accidently clicked on no children in the information box.
Despite having great conversation and having arranged somewhere to meet , the moment he heard I had a 7 month old baby he said he didn't want to chat anymore. Is this a common response?
I appreciate the fact he didn't just ignore me and leave me guessing. But I am surprised about how much this has upset me. I'm gutted to be honest eve though I am happy being single, now I feel like I will be single forever!
Is it shallow to dismiss someone simply because they have children?
Im a great girl, I definetly think he's made a mistake! Lol.
I don't think it's shallow to do that. He may not be ready for kids, and may not want to be with someone who already has a kid that he'll have to help bring up if he gets serious with you.
I don't know if it's common but it would probably put me off. It's better for everyone involved that he didn't let himself get too involved before deciding that it wasn't for him.
It's definitely not shallow.
For some people, a person wanting or not wanting to have children further down the line may be a deal-breaker, how far down the line they intend it to happen might be a deal-breaker....So when you already have a child, and a successful relationship will lead to the guy being a (step-)dad, it's entirely understandable that it might be a deal-breaker here.
To be honest I don't think it is something you can not reveal at the dating stage. Some guys will be ok with it but quite a lot will not. Child care is a major commitment which gets in the way of dating and, if the child is not yours, means you have to be pretty keen on the person. Also, my general view of on line dating is that it is an angst ridden disaster..
I would prefer not to raise another man's child in all honesty.
Thanks for the replies. Before I had kids I didn't want to date someone with kids but if I had met someone I liked then them having kids wouldn't have automatically ruled them out.
I am surprised that someone would completely rule someone out because of it. I do think that seems a little harsh.
But a least your right, it's finished with before it really started and that's for the best.
Hmm he probably got put off by the fact that you suddenly admitted to having a child and maybe felt a bit odd. Make sure to put up the sign saying you have a child so only the people who wont mind you having a kid will start talking to you
Probably put off by the inconstancies between what you said and what you stated in your profile. It's a pretty big deal to lie about. What else are you going to lie about?
Not saying that's what happened, but that's how it looks from an outsiders perspective.
Never mind that there's a lot of guys who just don't want to get drawn into other peoples drama.
Not shallow at all. Personally I would never invest time, money and effort into raising another man's child
Well ya know some men have a problem with bringing up another man's child.
You'l just have to find one that doesn't.
Would be a complete dealbreaker for me at this stage in my life. I have so much respect for anyone who brings up a child on their own, but it's not the sort of thing i'd want to get involved in at my age.
Even if you like that person a lot, there are a lot of other people in the world that you could potentially like a lot, so if they don't meet the criteria then you can move on. I wouldn't want to date someone with a kid personally. Sorry if you don't want to hear that, but that's just how I feel. I'm sure there are people who wouldn't mind.
If I dated a man with a child I would not see it as another woman's child, more the child of the man I love.
But I guess all people are different.
My husband(I'm still married but separated) still loves me unconditionally. I do wonder if it would be better to get back with him. We split because I fell out of love with him but starting to see things differently today.
Interesting how it's kinda fine to not want to date a woman with kids but I do t know if it would be seen as fine for a woman to reject a man with kids.