What to do about housemates that are trying (but failing somewhat) to bully me? Watch

brownbearxo
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I live in a house with 6 other people I have never met before, four guys three girls.

The two other girls I never liked from the start but I was always civil with, as I'm not unnecessarily confrontational.

I get on with the guys a lot better. One of the guys who has since moved out told me that one of the girls, lets call her Ana, had made racist comments about me. I totally believe this as I have heard her say some outlandish things in the past before and just kind of 'd my way out of there. I ignored the racist thing as sadly its not my biggest problem right now, and racism isn't something I feel the need to respond to. Recently however Ana has been trying to intimidate me for some reason. She leaves bins outside my door, claiming that I am leaving them piled downstairs when I'm not. She also accuses me of leaving the kitchen in a mess, which I do not.

She also wrote some nasty anonymous notes around the flat, which were aimed at me. I removed them and told her that there are better ways of expressing concern if the kitchen was being left in a state. She responded by tonight confessing that she has blocked me from using the internet because "no one in the house likes you, and everyone thinks you're dirty". I pay £5 a month to her for it by the way. I just thought my laptop was having problems with the Super Hub, as this has happened in the past. I have been using my phone as a hotspot for ages now, but still paying for the internet as I didn't think it was her fault.

Bear in mind during all of this she has acted like my best friend until fairly recently. I have confronted her many times but she either responds with gibberish or denies it outright.

The other girl, lets call her Sarah, also leaves these rude passive aggressive notes around the house. She is the type to smile in your face but send round scathing emails with things she would never say out loud. :rolleyes: She also moves stuff around in the fridge, putting things that she doesn't want on her shelf onto my shelf, you know, petty things like that. I ignored her until I realised that she and Ana were seemingly ganging up on me, so I confronted her too and she denied all involvement with the notes and claimed she had no problems with me. This is clearly a lie, but at least she knows I have no problems addressing her bad attitude, and she has not left any rude notes since. I personally think she took an instant dislike to me because I am black, the first day I met her she was very condescending to me, I can't think of any other reason. She's not from London either, and I have experienced similar from people who aren't as used to London's multiculturalism.

Now, I should probably add that Ana has mental health issues, I'm not sure what they are. She also has a drug problem. Not that it excuses anything but due to that I think people in the house sort of ignore her weirdness. Theres a guy in the house who is always trying to help me out with her, as I think he has lived with her before.

What do I do to sort this? It makes things quite tense in the house and I'm sick of going up to them and asking what their problem is as they won't be straight with me. I have tried talking to them and ignoring them, and while I don't feel particularly intimidated, their attempts are quite upsetting. I mind my own business in this house and I'm actually the cleanest. Everyone else is really lax with cleanliness lets just say. Its a bit pathetic really.

Thanks if you read this, I know its long Also, if a mod thinks this should be moved to another forum fine, I wasn't sure where to put it.
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awais-iqb
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How do you people live like this? If I was living with a bunch of strangers id make sure I kept a machete or sawn off shotgun under my bed
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capachino
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move into another flat? i know it may sound liek your letting bullys win but in a few weeks you will have new people and have forgotten about them so it wont be like u let them get the better of you , u will just be having a much better time , uni is short try t enjoy it as much as possible
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brownbearxo
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(Original post by awais-iqb)
How do you people live like this? If I was living with a bunch of strangers id make sure I kept a machete or sawn off shotgun under my bed
I don't know how my patience has lasted since September to be honest.


(Original post by Boltons *******)
The problem is you OP. Look how you're judging them all and posting essays about them on forums. Time to rethink your attitude. Good luck.
Thank you for your input.
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anosmianAcrimony
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I admire your tenacity. I wish my skin was as thick as yours seems to be.
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brownbearxo
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I should have added that that is unpractical, sorry. Due to my tenancy agreement, uni, work etc. It wouldn't make financial or logistical sense.

(Original post by capachino)
move into another flat? i know it may sound liek your letting bullys win but in a few weeks you will have new people and have forgotten about them so it wont be like u let them get the better of you , u will just be having a much better time , uni is short try t enjoy it as much as possible
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brownbearxo
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
I admire your tenacity. I wish my skin was as thick as yours seems to be.
Thanks My father taught me from a young age that everyones default is not always set on 'nice' so it really takes a lot to get to me. This definitely has me feeling some type of way though, I've never been bullied! I'm just a little surprised.
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awais-iqb
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(Original post by brownbearxo)
I don't know how my patience has lasted since September to be honest.



Thank you for your input.
How do you know your not living with a psycho murderer rapist? Plus I am a very clean and tidy person, and if someone was being untidy and not cleaning up there s*** I would honestly flip and destroy them
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delicious one
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(Original post by brownbearxo)
I live in a house with 6 other people I have never met before, four guys three girls.

The two other girls I never liked from the start but I was always civil with, as I'm not unnecessarily confrontational.

I get on with the guys a lot better. One of the guys who has since moved out told me that one of the girls, lets call her Ana, had made racist comments about me. I totally believe this as I have heard her say some outlandish things in the past before and just kind of 'd my way out of there. I ignored the racist thing as sadly its not my biggest problem right now, and racism isn't something I feel the need to respond to. Recently however Ana has been trying to intimidate me for some reason. She leaves bins outside my door, claiming that I am leaving them piled downstairs when I'm not. She also accuses me of leaving the kitchen in a mess, which I do not.

She also wrote some nasty anonymous notes around the flat, which were aimed at me. I removed them and told her that there are better ways of expressing concern if the kitchen was being left in a state. She responded by tonight confessing that she has blocked me from using the internet because "no one in the house likes you, and everyone thinks you're dirty". I pay £5 a month to her for it by the way. I just thought my laptop was having problems with the Super Hub, as this has happened in the past. I have been using my phone as a hotspot for ages now, but still paying for the internet as I didn't think it was her fault.

Bear in mind during all of this she has acted like my best friend until fairly recently. I have confronted her many times but she either responds with gibberish or denies it outright.

The other girl, lets call her Sarah, also leaves these rude passive aggressive notes around the house. She is the type to smile in your face but send round scathing emails with things she would never say out loud. :rolleyes: She also moves stuff around in the fridge, putting things that she doesn't want on her shelf onto my shelf, you know, petty things like that. I ignored her until I realised that she and Ana were seemingly ganging up on me, so I confronted her too and she denied all involvement with the notes and claimed she had no problems with me. This is clearly a lie, but at least she knows I have no problems addressing her bad attitude, and she has not left any rude notes since. I personally think she took an instant dislike to me because I am black, the first day I met her she was very condescending to me, I can't think of any other reason. She's not from London either, and I have experienced similar from people who aren't as used to London's multiculturalism.

Now, I should probably add that Ana has mental health issues, I'm not sure what they are. She also has a drug problem. Not that it excuses anything but due to that I think people in the house sort of ignore her weirdness. Theres a guy in the house who is always trying to help me out with her, as I think he has lived with her before.

What do I do to sort this? It makes things quite tense in the house and I'm sick of going up to them and asking what their problem is as they won't be straight with me. I have tried talking to them and ignoring them, and while I don't feel particularly intimidated, their attempts are quite upsetting. I mind my own business in this house and I'm actually the cleanest. Everyone else is really lax with cleanliness lets just say. Its a bit pathetic really.

Thanks if you read this, I know its long Also, if a mod thinks this should be moved to another forum fine, I wasn't sure where to put it.
Sounds pretty crazy. ESCAPE! Are you in uni halls?
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brownbearxo
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(Original post by awais-iqb)
How do you know your not living with a psycho murderer rapist? Plus I am a very clean and tidy person, and if someone was being untidy and not cleaning up there s*** I would honestly flip and destroy them
Yeah I just kind of clean a space to do my cooking etc. You get used to it. I cannot remember what possessed me to sign a tenancy agreement for a shared property with strangers, I think I panicked that I wouldn't find a place to stay near uni in final year as I was very low down on the list for campus accommodation after applying late.

And I probably am, but thats the difference between me and her don't you think? I don't give in to that urge to act, err, inappropriately.


(Original post by delicious one)
Sounds pretty crazy. ESCAPE! Are you in uni halls?
No private accommodation sadly.
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awais-iqb
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(Original post by brownbearxo)
Yeah I just kind of clean a space to do my cooking etc. You get used to it. I cannot remember what possessed me to sign a tenancy agreement for a shared property with strangers, I think I panicked that I wouldn't find a place to stay near uni in final year as I was very low down on the list for campus accommodation after applying late.

And I probably am, but thats the difference between me and her don't you think? I don't give in to that urge to act, err, inappropriately.




No private accommodation sadly.
You seem like a nice person so I wouldnt see why anyone would have a problem, anyway if you think someone is bullying you, you should man up and tell them straight its not about patience specially if its racism, if you carry on leaving it the bullies will just get more confident and carry on because they will think you are weak and won't say anything
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marcus2001
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(Original post by brownbearxo)
I live in a house with 6 other people I have never met before, four guys three girls.]

The two other girls I never liked from the start but I was always civil with, as I'm not unnecessarily confrontational.

I get on with the guys a lot better. One of the guys who has since moved out told me that one of the girls, lets call her Ana, had made racist comments about me. I totally believe this as I have heard her say some outlandish things in the past before and just kind of 'd my way out of there. I ignored the racist thing as sadly its not my biggest problem right now, and racism isn't something I feel the need to respond to. Recently however Ana has been trying to intimidate me for some reason. She leaves bins outside my door, claiming that I am leaving them piled downstairs when I'm not. She also accuses me of leaving the kitchen in a mess, which I do not.

She also wrote some nasty anonymous notes around the flat, which were aimed at me. I removed them and told her that there are better ways of expressing concern if the kitchen was being left in a state. She responded by tonight confessing that she has blocked me from using the internet because "no one in the house likes you, and everyone thinks you're dirty". I pay £5 a month to her for it by the way. I just thought my laptop was having problems with the Super Hub, as this has happened in the past. I have been using my phone as a hotspot for ages now, but still paying for the internet as I didn't think it was her fault.

Bear in mind during all of this she has acted like my best friend until fairly recently. I have confronted her many times but she either responds with gibberish or denies it outright.

The other girl, lets call her Sarah, also leaves these rude passive aggressive notes around the house. She is the type to smile in your face but send round scathing emails with things she would never say out loud. :rolleyes: She also moves stuff around in the fridge, putting things that she doesn't want on her shelf onto my shelf, you know, petty things like that. I ignored her until I realised that she and Ana were seemingly ganging up on me, so I confronted her too and she denied all involvement with the notes and claimed she had no problems with me. This is clearly a lie, but at least she knows I have no problems addressing her bad attitude, and she has not left any rude notes since. I personally think she took an instant dislike to me because I am black, the first day I met her she was very condescending to me, I can't think of any other reason. She's not from London either, and I have experienced similar from people who aren't as used to London's multiculturalism.

Now, I should probably add that Ana has mental health issues, I'm not sure what they are. She also has a drug problem. Not that it excuses anything but due to that I think people in the house sort of ignore her weirdness. Theres a guy in the house who is always trying to help me out with her, as I think he has lived with her before.

What do I do to sort this? It makes things quite tense in the house and I'm sick of going up to them and asking what their problem is as they won't be straight with me. I have tried talking to them and ignoring them, and while I don't feel particularly intimidated, their attempts are quite upsetting. I mind my own business in this house and I'm actually the cleanest. Everyone else is really lax with cleanliness lets just say. Its a bit pathetic really.

Thanks if you read this, I know its long Also, if a mod thinks this should be moved to another forum fine, I wasn't sure where to put it.
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brownbearxo
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(Original post by awais-iqb)
Thats some scary sh** imagine your sleeping and wake up with ana standing at the bottom of your bed (wheres your shotgun when you need one) :s I guess you are in a bit of a pickle lool guess just hold out till uni is over then on last day rob ana for being such a b**** lol XD
lol I'll keep that in mind. But yeah I guess I have to
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SamTheMan95
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Men. We know how to be friends.
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brownbearxo
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(Original post by SamTheMan95)
Men. We know how to be friends.
Sigh I have to agree. Have a +6 lol
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M1011
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Theres a guy in the house who is always trying to help me out with her, as I think he has lived with her before.
You think? How could you possibly not known this in the circumstances?

Based on the above, I imagine this is all bull.
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gagaslilmonsteruk
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I didn't really get on with my flatmates in first year. First flat, I got on with everyone bar one person, but I felt I had to get out of there as that person was doing my head in with the way they were being! Second flat however, I soon found that I was the latecomer in the group - I moved in mid-November, they'd known each other for 2 months at that point. Safe to say at best my relationship with them was turbulent, but at the end of the year we fell out and I've not spoken to them since. Second year however I got on with everybody, even though we were all very different from one another! This year, I'm on year abroad and I live alone, so that's cool too.

What I would do is keep a copy of the notes and a diary for things which get said and then give it to your tutor at university - I assume you all go to one - and they will know the best course of action.
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brownbearxo
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(Original post by M1011)
You think? How could you possibly not known this in the circumstances?

Based on the above, I imagine this is all bull.
Thanks for your comment


(Original post by gagaslilmonsteruk)
I didn't really get on with my flatmates in first year. First flat, I got on with everyone bar one person, but I felt I had to get out of there as that person was doing my head in with the way they were being! Second flat however, I soon found that I was the latecomer in the group - I moved in mid-November, they'd known each other for 2 months at that point. Safe to say at best my relationship with them was turbulent, but at the end of the year we fell out and I've not spoken to them since. Second year however I got on with everybody, even though we were all very different from one another! This year, I'm on year abroad and I live alone, so that's cool too.

What I would do is keep a copy of the notes and a diary for things which get said and then give it to your tutor at university - I assume you all go to one - and they will know the best course of action.
Yeah I have had bad experiences with housemates but they haven't deliberately tried to intimidate me like Ana and Sarah have, thats why I'm a little puzzled. I'll mention it to my tutor though, thanks for that suggestion.
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KadeK
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I wouldn't exactly call this advice, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're in such a horrible situation. However, you seem like a really strong person so all credit to you. I'd be really perturbed if I was in your situation especially with the racism bit.

I like how you've confronted them on occasion. The fact that they can't be upfront with you shows that they are the ones that are intimidated (and have to resort to "behind your back" antics). So if anything, when it comes to "power" it's you that has it (IF that's any consolation for you)

I know it's not ideal, but if I was in your shoes, I'd continually confront them about it to keep them on their toes. The main thing is that you focus on your studies until you can leave.
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Zürich
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(Original post by brownbearxo)

What do I do to sort this? It makes things quite tense in the house and I'm sick of going up to them and asking what their problem is as they won't be straight with me. I have tried talking to them and ignoring them, and while I don't feel particularly intimidated, their attempts are quite upsetting. I mind my own business in this house and I'm actually the cleanest. Everyone else is really lax with cleanliness lets just say. Its a bit pathetic really.

Thanks if you read this, I know its long Also, if a mod thinks this should be moved to another forum fine, I wasn't sure where to put it.
You need to be very firm and basically rant at them that youre not going to take any more of their bull****, I'd probably imply physical violence. It'll create an atmosphere but they'll back down.

For a start they're stealing £5/month from you so you need to insist on getting the internet back.

Do you have any brothers?
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