The Student Room Group

Honesty....

Is it a bad thing? I am normally very very very blunt, but sometimes I have found that being blunt and cutting the BS is the wrong route to take as it can be bitter at times. Especially with girls (where you have to play a silly game)

What do you think?

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Reply 1
Keep it straight! Honestly will get you places :smile: At least people will know that what you say is what you really feel! Too many people these days can't trust others because of dishnoesty!

Girls like honesty in my experience! They'd rather know and sort it than have you hide it from them!
I do the same as you and, frankly, don't care if people dislike me for it. It helps me find more honest friends. I don't want to be friends with liars, and consequently I don't want to be a liar to my friends. It's only fair.

Honesty is the best policy - if you can deal with the repercussions.
Reply 3
generalebriety
I do the same as you and, frankly, don't care if people dislike me for it. It helps me find more honest friends. I don't want to be friends with liars, and consequently I don't want to be a liar to my friends. It's only fair.

Honesty is the best policy - if you can deal with the repercussions.

totally agree - speak your mind... if people don't like it, they're not the type of people you wanna be with! well, me anyway!
Reply 4
generalebriety
I do the same as you and, frankly, don't care if people dislike me for it. It helps me find more honest friends. I don't want to be friends with liars, and consequently I don't want to be a liar to my friends. It's only fair.


Very very very good point. I have not seen it from that perspective until now. You have enlightened me.
I find that sometimes being honest can have bad short term repercussions, but ultimately it is ALWAYS the right choice. Honesty is my most highly valued character trait.
Reply 6
Dr GreenThumb
I find that sometimes being honest can have bad short term repercussions, but ultimately it is ALWAYS the right choice. Honesty is my most highly valued character trait.


Yeah, I find that it has v bad short term repercussions i.e. people can be v judgemental upon meeting you, if you are honest but in a bitter way.
Ah, well I'm not honest in a bitter way... I guess you should keep your critical observations to yourself if you think that they already know.
Reply 8
Well, being honest does not mean you've gotta be harsh. It's all on your tone of voice. Say, girl who's wearing a dress that really doens't suit her. Instead of saying "That looks horrible on you", you can say "I don't think that suits you, maybe consider something else?" And yeh, just your tone of voice - if you shout and gasp "That looks terrible!!!" - yes many will be offended. But if you say gently, "That looks bad." or "I don't like it" - it still gets the message across, but it's less offensive.

Always be honest though. I hate it when someone's dishonest. If you're honest to your friend, at least you're showing them that you respect them enough to tell them the truth. And how can you be a true friend if you lie? And if you always give the truth, yeh your friends may get offended at times, but they will always know it is the truth, so they'll trust you for it. They won't be second-guessing "does he mean that?" "what did he really imply?" - it cuts the confusion and encourages trust in the friendship, so it's gotta be good.

You just gotta find a girl who likes bluntness I suppose. I'm like that - like my bf's asked if I wanted him to tell me if I ever gained weight, and etc, and my response is - yes, of course. What good is it for him to lie? Does me no good now, does it?
Reply 9
Dr GreenThumb
Ah, well I'm not honest in a bitter way... I guess you should keep your critical observations to yourself if you think that they already know.


but if someone asks.......:confused: Should i just give the sugarcoated answer?

No I am not normally critical , just there are times I can be (like we all can)
Reply 10
xyz2k6
but if someone asks.......:confused: Should i just give the sugarcoated answer?

No I am not normally critical , just there are times I can be (like we all can)

If it's gonna hurt... keep it to yourself, there's a difference between a lie and just not telling the truth... just say something else or something that you do find good about someone
Reply 11
Plus there are other examples, I can point out....i.e. showing your 'sensitive side' - can come across as whimpish! :biggrin:

Another Example :

If I am debating about a sensitive issue, and I have a contraversial view (e.g. politics) - I have found that being honest and just saying what you think can lead you to be frowned upon. This becomes very problomatic especially when you 'think that you know and can trust the person' not to be so judgemental or percieve you differently.

.........Endless examples.
Reply 12
Being honest means that the person might have to hear something they don't want to

Whats better, a lie that draws a smile or the truth that draws a tear?
If they ask a question then I would be totally honest about it. The wording of course would be tactful.

However, I do not offer my negative observations about someone personally often at all. I think that's just not nice.
irisng
Well, being honest does not mean you've gotta be harsh. It's all on your tone of voice. Say, girl who's wearing a dress that really doens't suit her. Instead of saying "That looks horrible on you", you can say "I don't think that suits you, maybe consider something else?" And yeh, just your tone of voice - if you shout and gasp "That looks terrible!!!" - yes many will be offended. But if you say gently, "That looks bad." or "I don't like it" - it still gets the message across, but it's less offensive.

Maybe the world needs to stop taking offence at people telling them that, yes, the lemon-and-lime outfit draped over your shoulders does look terrible, your close friends think it looks terrible but they'll say "it's not my thing", your other friends think it looks terrible but they'll say "I'm not sure... oh, how's your son?", your peers think it looks terrible but they'll say "oh, that's unusual!" in a surprised tone, and complete strangers think it looks terrible but haven't got the guts to tell you.

Telling them "it's not my thing" or "I'm not sure" or "that's unusual" is, at best, not the entire truth, and at worst a complete lie. People I want to associate with can take this kind of thing lightly - I want to be told if I'm wearing a pile of **** so I don't go and embarrass myself in it and I can get my money back, and I'd appreciate phrases like the above being reserved for when they're true.

Try it. Wear something bright blue, yellow and red and ask your nicest friend what he/she thinks of it, and there is no way he/she will say what you know - that it looks absolutely awful.
Reply 15
generalebriety
Maybe the world needs to stop taking offence at people telling them that, yes, the lemon-and-lime outfit draped over your shoulders does look terrible, your close friends think it looks terrible but they'll say "it's not my thing", your other friends think it looks terrible but they'll say "I'm not sure... oh, how's your son?", your peers think it looks terrible but they'll say "oh, that's unusual!" in a surprised tone, and complete strangers think it looks terrible but haven't got the guts to tell you.

Telling them "it's not my thing" or "I'm not sure" or "that's unusual" is, at best, not the entire truth, and at worst a complete lie. People I want to associate with can take this kind of thing lightly - I want to be told if I'm wearing a pile of **** so I don't go and embarrass myself in it and I can get my money back, and I'd appreciate phrases like the above being reserved for when they're true.

Try it. Wear something bright blue, yellow and red and ask your nicest friend what he/she thinks of it, and there is no way he/she will say what you know - that it looks absolutely awful.


Hahaha true true, too true. Well, some people are simply more sensitive than that and we have to be considerate. There's a fine line there you know.

I mean, I personally would rather someone told me the truth. Like, my bf would blatantly tell me - have you gained weight? And he's told me how I don't look good in dresses at all. That's fine by me lol. Unlike most girls, I prefer the truth about my looks and have never been able to understand why girls would want you to lie. And yeh, I use the same logic - why would I want someone to lie to me about a top I'm wearing, when I'd only end up making a fool of myself in public as opposed to only to my closest friend and in private, where I still have the chance to make myself look half-decent?

Haha I got that "Oh that's unusual!" response once cus I was wearing a bright yellow coat :biggrin: It was just a coat my mum told me was good to wear - I was a little :wtf?: about it but took it anyway, and when I got to school my head of sixth form gasped at it lol.
Reply 16
You don't always have to be honest and tell someone something. You can bite your tounge.

Just don't lie.
irisng
Hahaha true true, too true. Well, some people are simply more sensitive than that and we have to be considerate. There's a fine line there you know.

I mean, I personally would rather someone told me the truth. Like, my bf would blatantly tell me - have you gained weight? And he's told me how I don't look good in dresses at all. That's fine by me lol. Unlike most girls, I prefer the truth about my looks and have never been able to understand why girls would want you to lie. And yeh, I use the same logic - why would I want someone to lie to me about a top I'm wearing, when I'd only end up making a fool of myself in public as opposed to only to my closest friend and in private, where I still have the chance to make myself look half-decent?

Haha I got that "Oh that's unusual!" response once cus I was wearing a bright yellow coat :biggrin: It was just a coat my mum told me was good to wear - I was a little :wtf: about it but took it anyway, and when I got to school my head of sixth form gasped at it lol.

Yeah, exactly. :biggrin: I mean I would object to "oh my god, you look absolutely **** in that, christ you look like a complete ********, haha, I don't want to associate myself with you any more". But why lie? And, let's be honest, not telling the truth is more or less lying. Making something sound better than it is is lying. So "that looks bad" is fine by me. I would object more if someone told me "oh, by the way, about that coat... um... it's very... brown, isn't it? :smile:". :biggrin:
Nick R
You don't always have to be honest and tell someone something. You can bite your tounge.

No, you don't, and they don't always have to like you or respect your opinion or believe they can trust you on such matters - they can dislike you for your complete inability to tell the truth and for allowing them, as in my example, to wear an absolute pile of crap while going out one night - but hey, your choice.
Being honest is much better