how can i help myself? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
Im really insecure about myself and i need to change lest i want it to be detrimental to any relationship i want with a guy.

I just dont think im good enough for him. Hes really good looking. Incredibly smart and has plans that will make him successful which im so proud of and happy for him. He is funny and outgoing and has a mature head on his shoulders with the right level of immaturity lol.

Whereas i am not very pretty or funny (he loves that i make bad jokes though lol) and i dont have an idea of where my life is heading except that i want to do my masters. I have few friends in comparison and i dont particularly go out much. He thinks im beautiful/really good looking but i feel he says it because he knows im insecure.

He has great morals and values and we agree about many important things that someone would want in a future spouse. However, i lied to him once and told the truth as i felt guilty. He forgave me and wants to try with me anyhow, and thats what we have been doing for two months now.

He compliments the fact that i am responsible and look after my siblings (my dad died when i was 8 and being the eldest ive helped my mum out since then, our family sort of disowned us too). But i dont see it that way, i think anybody in my position would pick up the responsibilities and get on with it. I guess he appreciates things that nobody has ever done so before and it makes me feel even more guilty for lying to him.

I dont know what advice to give myself, whereas usually im good with giving it to others. I guess i dont want to be self destructive and ruin this for myself as the past two months have been great and were doing well in terms of moving on from the lie and seeing how things go. But these thoughts creep up and i dont want to tell him about it, we keep things light hearted for now so we can get comfortable with each other but this is something i need to address if i want to focus on a future with him.

Any help?
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1408569
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#2
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Depends what the lie was tbh.
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Asariond
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#3
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#3
You need to learn to love yourself before you even think about any relationship. Remember that you're an individual who exists in your own right, not in relation to other people. Don't think about how good you look next to him; think about how good you look, in and of yourself. Same thing with how kind you are, how funny you are, how smart you are, anything. Don't think 'I'm good at this, but so-and-so is better'. You are good, end of story. Once you start thinking that way, you can look at someone else and appreciate their qualities in the same way, and you'll be able to have a happy relationship, I'm sure.
And you made a mistake with him; it's not the end of the world. Seriously, give yourself more credit for how far you've come. There's a reason this guy's interested in you.
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#4
The lie is not a point of concern for him as much as it is for me. He has told me he wishes i would stop beating myself up about it. In a way i have stopped beating myself up over it, but it doesnt stop me from feeling bad.

And yes, i guess i do need to stop comparing myself.. but its just easier said than done. As cheesy and cringey as it sounds, i should make myself realise im special lol.
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FoxOnAMission
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#5
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If you don't think you're good enough for him then that's for him to decide too. If he thought the same then he would have dumped you ages ago. What are you giving him that's making him stay with you? Just remember to never put someone's happiness before yours (except maybe your future kids')


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BoBosus
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#6
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You have trust issues. Partly because your dad died and you fear the man will leave just like your dad. You need to tell him the truth whatever that is. Once you have done that it is time to get married and have kids while he takes care of the family that you have. Its up to you whether you will take his surname but that is not the problem now. How is family life now? you haven't given enough information about your love life. Maybe he is too good for you but you have to come up to his standard if you want to make the situation successful.
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1001Shab
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#7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Im really insecure about myself and i need to change lest i want it to be detrimental to any relationship i want with a guy.

I just dont think im good enough for him. Hes really good looking. Incredibly smart and has plans that will make him successful which im so proud of and happy for him. He is funny and outgoing and has a mature head on his shoulders with the right level of immaturity lol.

Whereas i am not very pretty or funny (he loves that i make bad jokes though lol) and i dont have an idea of where my life is heading except that i want to do my masters. I have few friends in comparison and i dont particularly go out much. He thinks im beautiful/really good looking but i feel he says it because he knows im insecure.

He has great morals and values and we agree about many important things that someone would want in a future spouse. However, i lied to him once and told the truth as i felt guilty. He forgave me and wants to try with me anyhow, and thats what we have been doing for two months now.

He compliments the fact that i am responsible and look after my siblings (my dad died when i was 8 and being the eldest ive helped my mum out since then, our family sort of disowned us too). But i dont see it that way, i think anybody in my position would pick up the responsibilities and get on with it. I guess he appreciates things that nobody has ever done so before and it makes me feel even more guilty for lying to him.

I dont know what advice to give myself, whereas usually im good with giving it to others. I guess i dont want to be self destructive and ruin this for myself as the past two months have been great and were doing well in terms of moving on from the lie and seeing how things go. But these thoughts creep up and i dont want to tell him about it, we keep things light hearted for now so we can get comfortable with each other but this is something i need to address if i want to focus on a future with him.

Any help?
I'm sure he thinks you're beautiful because if you weren't he wouldn't be with you. Men are simple creatures, whereas us women, we're complicated! When he says you're beautiful, put the doubt aside and appreciate the compliment. You need to love yourself despite your imperfections, because the latter simple does not exist! Your imperfections make you unique and part of who you are.

I would tell him speak to him and come clean about whatever it is, the longer you leave it, the worse the situation may get. He might ask you why you didn't tell him any earlier and will suspect that you're keeping other stuff from him. The best thing to do is to be honest if you want it to work, talk to him, otherwise it could have a fatal result in regards to your relationship.

Good luck!
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Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#8
Thanks guys. I do need to talk to him, i guess i just dont want to talk about my 'feels' just yet as we are keeping things light hearted. But considering this will affect where our relationship goes i should probably tell him how i feel.
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Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#9
Sigh. Still contemplating telling him. Never feels like the right time either.
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