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How to stop loving someone

In a nutshell, I'm in love with someone I can't have. I consider myself to be friends with him, and would much rather be his friend than nothing at all, but I can't seem to shake my feelings for him. We're both single, but he will never go for me, and I've felt this way for about 18 months now, so I really need to stop. The trouble is, I never meet anyone I'm interested in. Falling for someone is so rare for me that I fall much too hard. Please help!

Reply 1

lala_land

How do you know that he will never go for you? Are you just assuming or do you no for definate?

Reply 2

black_mamba

14

Exactly. Find out first.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Things have happened between us before, but there is an age gap issue. He's a 25 year old professional looking for someone to settle down with, and I'm a 20 year old student.

Reply 4

Paragon

Oh, I situation I know too well :redface:

For me, meeting someone else is the only cure.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Well as things stand, I meet someone I like approximately once every four years, which means I still have a while to go before the next guy comes along. If one ever does, that is.

When it comes to men, I have a list of criteria. I don't have it written down or anything, I just instinctively know it. Anyway, I won't go for a guy unless he fulfils all the essentials and most of the non-essentials. My ex was like that, and we had a great relationship and I really missed him when we split up. Then I met this guy and that was the first time I actually believed that there is someone on this planet who fulfils every single one of those criteria, essential and non-essential. Basically, my perfect man exists. So I wonder what my chances are of ever meeting anyone else who is quite as perfect for me. :frown:

Reply 6

cat_meiow

1

You can't control your heart sorry

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

If you love them, you never do get over them entirely.

I wish I know

Anonymous

Well as things stand, I meet someone I like approximately once every four years, which means I still have a while to go before the next guy comes along. If one ever does, that is.

Bah, for me it's around every 3 years... :rolleyes:

I don't why, but I find it sooo cute when someone approaches me and not the way around :redface:

Anonymous

When it comes to men, I have a list of criteria. I don't have it written down or anything, I just instinctively know it. Anyway, I won't go for a guy unless he fulfils all the essentials and most of the non-essentials. My ex was like that, and we had a great relationship and I really missed him when we split up. Then I met this guy and that was the first time I actually believed that there is someone on this planet who fulfils every single one of those criteria, essential and non-essential. Basically, my perfect man exists. So I wonder what my chances are of ever meeting anyone else who is quite as perfect for me. :frown:

I think that most have certain 'criteria' they search for or find attractive in other people. The point is to enjoy yourself; it's up to you really.

Reply 10

hippieglitter

19

Anonymous

Things have happened between us before, but there is an age gap issue. He's a 25 year old professional looking for someone to settle down with, and I'm a 20 year old student.

Age gap? I'm 19 with a 25 year old and its not a problem at all.

Reply 11

ledge

Anonymous

Things have happened between us before, but there is an age gap issue. He's a 25 year old professional looking for someone to settle down with, and I'm a 20 year old student.

That's not an age gap at all.....and it seems like you want the same things!

Stir it up...find out once and for all what he thinks

Then what ever the answer is....you can deal with it :smile:

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

hippieglitter

Age gap? I'm 19 with a 25 year old and its not a problem at all.

It wouldn't be a problem for me. I could quite happily get together with him and stay that way. I've always gone for guys a few years older than me and all the guys I meet at uni just seem too young. But for him it is an issue. He's looking for someone nearer his own age that he might realistically marry in a couple of years' time. It doesn't help that a lot of his friends got married young and are all happy and settled.

Reply 13

True Love

I can only offer you my personal experience as inspiration.

I fell in love with my best friend when i was 16. And whatever you say, call it puppy love, first love or whatever, it was intense, real and agonising lol.

I knew things couldn't really progress, so i basically told her flat out i loved her (and i mean i truly truly was in love with this girl) and i knew she would never go for me. You just know. If you know someone well enough, you know whether they can be in love with you the way you are. Needs no verbalising...

So, i told her and i told her i needed a break from our friendship. I told her the break would last as long as i knew i could get over her. When you're in love with someone, you revolve around them. They are literally your world. So, i took a break from our friendship, in order to find my own world. I didn't see my friend for an entire summer. Didn't see her or talk to her.

We got back to school for the first day of the new year, and although it was awkward, i was totally over her and we managed to become best friends again, with no feelings whatsoever! :biggrin:

Reply 14

khil

15

Anonymous

Things have happened between us before, but there is an age gap issue. He's a 25 year old professional looking for someone to settle down with, and I'm a 20 year old student.

What you say don't add up. If you truly loved him, then you would settle down with him. As in, if you really loved him and he's so right for you, then surely you two should marry and yes, settle down whilst you carry on with your degree. Cus real love lasts and if this is real love, as you appear to be claiming, then where is the harm in settling with him now, or waiting til you graduate, then marry him after your graduation and in the meantime, have a relationship with him to see if he's the one for you?

Now, if none of the above is relevant to you, then you obviously don't love him enough for you to never get over him. So you're ok :smile:

In all honesty, I say, if you're serious about this guy, then date him and see how things go and if he's right, marry him after your degree. And if you're not serious about this guy, then your passion will gradually fade. It takes time, but it will :smile:

Reply 15

GreenMonstrosity

Out of sight, out of mind usually works for me. Or to just stop thinking about them. I can do that but I appreciate it's hard for many people.

Reply 16

In Love

the 5 yrs age gap is not a problem, i guess its just coz he's done with uni and has a job etc but ur still not done... but honestly i think that this shouldnt be a problem since u can be in a relationship with him now, see how everything goes then marry him affter u finish ur degree.
you're saying you love him and he's the one, he's single and apparently everything seems possible so don't let go!