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Me and my mum.. watch

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    • Thread Starter

    Basically am 21 applying to uni this year, got a place at my dream uni for an employable degree.

    It's in London and the money from student finance (based on mums) income means that shes going to have to use her own wages to support me, even if I had a full time job in london.

    She says that her being a big factor in how her kid (me) was able to go to uni would make her proud and is what she wants to do with her money.

    But I know she hates her job, and her earning the money to financially support me would mean she needs to do like 30 overtime hours extra a month. She's an A&E nurse and it's physically demanding and she ends up drinking quite a lot after work because her working environment is shocking and she feels totally unfulfilled at work.

    Feel like if I take my offer, it forces her to work more overtime (even if I take a P/T job in London) and I feel like I cant cope with the fact my personal choice leads to her spending more time in a working environment she hates.

    I feel like if I dont take my offer Im wasting a massive opportunity and pissing on the sacrifices she's already made to get me to where I am.

    Dunno what to do :/

    Its a horrible situation to be in, but its only short term - She may have to work extra hours for the next 3 years but it will be worth it in the end because you will end up getting a decent degree and hopefully then a job - So she will only be supporting you whilst at Uni. After you gradate, if you move out she won't have to support you so won't have to work as hard, and if you stay living there you can help her out with bills so again, she won't have to work so hard. So look at it over the long term - I'm sure thats what she's doing

    How about asking your university to defer your place for a year and trying to work in the meantime? I know it's not much but it'll be better than depending almost entirely on your mum. I know it's "only 30 extra hours a month" but it's clearly damaging her health. I imagine if she hates her job that much she doesn't really want to think about the next three years in the place. I suppose in that year it would be a good idea to see if you could take your course in a different university where it would be cheaper.

    Think long term though, if you go to that uni your mother will be proud, and once you have a job with a degree, you'll be more able to support her later on!

    I'd guess she would feel bad if you didn't take the offer because of her, whcih might lead to long term regret and possible bad relations in future.

    But if not could she not get another, nicer job?
    Do you have any other family, close family friends who could help out with money or looking after her and limiting the drinking?

    Work hard, get a good job and then make her life better
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