The Student Room Group

I regret it badly....

Tuesday night I went out with some old friends that I knew in 6th form before going to uni. It was for a guy's (who I've known 3 years) birthday. The night was good while I was out because I got to see old friends that I haven't seen for nearly a year.

Anyway, the guy (whos birthday it was) started coming onto me and we lost everyone else in the club. He asked me to go back to his but I refused and so we tried to get into another bar. There was a long line so we decided not to. I said that he could come and stay at my house, since he lived a few miles away. When we got home we got a sleeping bag out so he could sleep on the sofa that night.

When my mum and everyone went to bed, he started kissing me. Next thing I knew he had his manhood out of his jeans. I was shocked and told him to put it away. He spent about 40 minutes afterwards pressuring me for sex. I told him no and that I always wait until I get to know someone (in a relationship) before I sleep with them. I was drunk and stupidly gave in unfortunately. We used a condom by the way. It was the worst sex I've had in my life.

Next morning I regreted it badly. I've only been with one other person and that was my ex, who loved and respected me. Anyway, we were going to arrange a date (tried twice), but but both times he said he couldn't at the last minute because he had something on (meetings, etc). Hes also not replying to all my texts. Thats made me feel terrible because it seems to me that he doesn't want anything else to do with me. It makes me feel ashamed. It seems that he probably only wanted a 1 night stand and to be honest I don't believe in them and always said that I wouldn't have one.

For the past few days, I haven't been able to focus at work, I've not been eating like I normally do and I've had problems sleeping. I feel dirty and very ill because of it. I'm starting to feel depressed.

Help I really need some advice now. What should I do? I don't really want to talk to friends or family about it.

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Reply 1
I know it sounds hard to say this, but unfortunately it happened and you can't change that, however much you'd like to :frown: It's completely natural to feel bad, what you did was against your 'morals', for want of a better word, so you're not going to feel comfortable with what happened. However, you realise you made a mistake and it's not going to happen again - in fact, it's better it happened with someone you knew, and that he used a condom, than with some complete stranger who may not have used protection! Yes, it was a less-than-sensible thing to do but I'd just see it as a bit of a wakeup call - how easy it is to be pressurised and how, if it happens again, it's okay to make some excuse, leave and get a taxi home.

If he doesn't want anything more to do with you, it's understandable that you're going to feel used, but at least you know that if you did start a relationship, he'd probably only have been in it for one thing!

If you don't start feeling any better after a couple of days, I really would suggest talking to someone face-to-face about it - maybe one of your closest friends. If they're as good a friend as you think they are, they won't judge you and will care about you just as much, which will hopefully make you realise that what you did doesn't make you a bad person, just someone who made a silly mistake whilst drunk.

Good luck!
Reply 2
He sounds like a terrible person. I guess you'll just have to get over it with time, but personally if I were you I wouldn't have anything to do with him if he did that.

If you refused in the way you said then he shouldn't have continued.

But watch out for after effects.
Reply 3
If you refused in the way you said then he shouldn't have continued.


Unfortunately though, she says she gave in eventually - and I expect he was drunk as well, he probably wouldn't have seen anything wrong.
Aw you poor thing. Please don’t beat yourself up about it and don’t punish yourself unnecessarily. Its an awful feeling when we shock ourselves by doing something we never thought we would do but you are wiser from the experience. You know are assured, with no doubt that this is something you never want to do again,and you will not let yourself get into that situation in the future. Id suggest to try just one more time to arrange a date (it might have been bad luck that he was busy ….you never know) if that doesn’t work then take a deep breath and don’t dwell on the past. You are stronger and more assured in yourself of what you want from future relationships and not in any way ‘dirty’
Reply 5
All guys are after sex..

Doesnt make a guy a 'terrible' person for it. If we look at it from a philisophical point of view, the OP gave in, so its her fault.
Reply 6
Markus Angelsdaughter
All guys are after sex..

Doesnt make a guy a 'terrible' person for it. If we look at it from a philisophical point of view, the OP gave in, so its her fault.
I've seen 'philosophical' misused before, but this takes the biscuit...

And there's a different between wanting sex and taking advantage. We aren't terrible because of what we want, but because of how we rate that compared to other's happiness. This is why guilt tripping, pressuring or bullying someone into giving you money, food, sex or whatever else floats your boat is harsh. Not wanting those things in the first place.
Reply 7
Mercer
I've seen 'philosophical' misused before, but this takes the biscuit...

And there's a different between wanting sex and taking advantage. We aren't terrible because of what we want, but because of how we rate that compared to other's happiness. This is why guilt tripping, pressuring or bullying someone into giving you money, food, sex or whatever else floats your boat is harsh. Not wanting those things in the first place.


When did the OP say she was bullied into her giving him sex? She just says pressured.

Anyway i dont really have much sympathy, if she was raped then of course it'd be a different story but she gave him what he wanted.
Markus Angelsdaughter
When did the OP say she was bullied into her giving him sex? She just says pressured.

Anyway i dont really have much sympathy, if she was raped then of course it'd be a different story but she gave him what he wanted.


good grief you are heartless...shes accepting responsibility, this thread is about needing reassurance.
Reply 9
on the one hand she had the presence of mind to tell him to put his nob away and deny him for 40 minutes, and yet she gave in because she was "drunk"? your either too drunk or not. Its ok to feel bad about all this, but don't kid yourselves that its the guys fault, your the one who did something you didn't want to and regret. And theres not much you can do about it except forget about it and stop inviting guys around to sleep at your house when your not going to have sex with them.
Reply 10
bone-machine
good grief you are heartless...shes accepting responsibility, this thread is about needing reassurance.


Reassurance? lol, ok.

Anyway im not heartless, just have no sympathy.

If you knew me in person you'd know im completely the opposite.
Reply 11
:hugs: It's harsh, but we all make these mistakes at some point. You'd only had sex with one other person, and didn't think one night stands were really for you. Now you seem to have had one, and it's confirmed that. You feel really bad, but at least now you will hopefully never put yourself in that position again because you'll remember how horrible it is. This guy seemed to only be after sex. Fair enough, some girls wouldn't mind that, but you do. Stop texting him, try to move forward with things and don't feel bad. I think everyone makes mistakes when they're relatively sexually inexperienced, I know my 2nd time was pretty awful (similar situation to you I guess, though I did know the guy quite well). Good luck!
Whey. Bowing to peer pressure. I suppose you've learnt your lesson though and I hope you're OK
Seem like you're alright now , but could of been rape though.
Reply 14
i wouldnt worry about it, it will happen to alot of people because us guys are pricks like that
chin up, theres nothing you can do but learn from the experience and move on.
Don't try and make a relationship out of it just so that you can say it wasn't a one-night stand. That's my only advice. Other than that, **** luck that you ended up with a guy who put so much pressure on you and that you gave in. Ultimately though it doesn't really matter; it's what happens in the future that matters a lot more (which is why I'd leave this guy well alone).
you arn't a bad person just because you made a mistake. i know its hard to do but you need to accept that you made a mistake and that it was a one off and forget about it. the more you think about it and worry then the worst the whole thing will get, you arn't doing yourself any favours.
Reply 18
Accept it and move on.
move on from the situation and don't contact him now. the guy is an arse!