Tuesday night I went out with some old friends that I knew in 6th form before going to uni. It was for a guy's (who I've known 3 years) birthday. The night was good while I was out because I got to see old friends that I haven't seen for nearly a year.
Anyway, the guy (whos birthday it was) started coming onto me and we lost everyone else in the club. He asked me to go back to his but I refused and so we tried to get into another bar. There was a long line so we decided not to. I said that he could come and stay at my house, since he lived a few miles away. When we got home we got a sleeping bag out so he could sleep on the sofa that night.
When my mum and everyone went to bed, he started kissing me. Next thing I knew he had his manhood out of his jeans. I was shocked and told him to put it away. He spent about 40 minutes afterwards pressuring me for sex. I told him no and that I always wait until I get to know someone (in a relationship) before I sleep with them. I was drunk and stupidly gave in unfortunately. We used a condom by the way. It was the worst sex I've had in my life.
Next morning I regreted it badly. I've only been with one other person and that was my ex, who loved and respected me. Anyway, we were going to arrange a date (tried twice), but but both times he said he couldn't at the last minute because he had something on (meetings, etc). Hes also not replying to all my texts. Thats made me feel terrible because it seems to me that he doesn't want anything else to do with me. It makes me feel ashamed. It seems that he probably only wanted a 1 night stand and to be honest I don't believe in them and always said that I wouldn't have one.
For the past few days, I haven't been able to focus at work, I've not been eating like I normally do and I've had problems sleeping. I feel dirty and very ill because of it. I'm starting to feel depressed.
Help I really need some advice now. What should I do? I don't really want to talk to friends or family about it.