Letting Go To The Girl I Love

It would have been 4 months of a relationship yesterday but my x has decided her family, studdies and future are more important.

We kind of went into a relationship very strong from the beginning and had allot of physical contact.
Shes from abroad and studdies here, so I only get to see her at term time during University.
Last 3 months she went back home, she told me how guilty she had felt towards her family (disappointing them, they dont belive or allow to have relationships, marriage orrientated views), how she felt dirty as religiously it was wrong and finally a fututre with me and her would definatly not happen, so she said why go through the pain and then in 1 years time be depressed.

I really couldnt understand how a girl in her first relationship, that allowed her herself to be physical on me (her first time) and then simply in the end just become so wise about it after all thats happened.

I asked her why did she go this far with me when I clearly pointed out that I do do casual dating and she was happy and said she shared the same views.
Her excuse was she entered this relationship with her heart and now she has to do whats right rather then follow her heart (which still wants to be with me).

We had 2 months together in UK before she went back home and in that time I spent in total around 15 days and 14 nights with her. I took her to the movies, meals, went on holiday, bought her roses when she was down, tried to be nice to her friends, help with her packing, help with her studdies, comfort her when she was emotionally down and I even bought her a dress which she looked amazing in.

Yet after all the good times we shared and all that happiness, shes all of a sudden seen how wrong it was in terms of family, religion and future.
What I dont understand if she had all this strong beliefs how would she be able to sleep with me in over 10 occasions in 2 months and yes she did regret it a few times after we slept with eachother but it continues to happen and now all of a sudden she has the courrage to get up and walk away with it.

Im trying to belive what she has said to me but I just can't understand if that what she standed for then how the heck did she get her self invovled for so long.

She still says its going to be hard to say to me in person that she doesn't wannt to be with me hence why she told me over the net, on phone and via email but I feel if she means it then she can tell me to my face, which shes saying will be very hard and I might be able to change her mind in person.

Reply 1

xChellex

Seems to me like she has found new pressure from family. Maybe she was under the feeling that it would be ok, but now she's been around her family she is thinking that it will be impossible to stay with you. Perhaps they have convinced her to this view.
You could try and persuade her in person, but don't tear her apart because at the end of the day she will need something stable to rely on and that will probably be her family so she may give in as she's stuck with them always but you can be cut out to stop the tug of war over her life that you and the family inadvertently create.

Reply 2

woeful_infatuation

i'm in my first relationship now thus have never had to break up with anyone before but I can till you now I'd NEVER do it over the net.. thats so strange.. so impersonal.. you really need to get her to speak with you in person.. it might not even be her view. maybe her family found out about the two of you and told her to call it off.. Talk to her, that's the best you can do right now.. Good Luck;-)

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

I dont think that she used you...i think that her time away from u made her think a lot...and plus, in that time she spent a lot of time with her family as well, which made her feel more guilty. i'm sorry about the break up but what she said is true...why wait for the relationship to get even more serious and then break up? that will be more heartbreaking for u.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Anonymous

I don't know I just want to spend more time and im kind of being selfish as I want that feeling of being in love to last. I felt so good in this relationship and had so much more compatibility in any other one so far.

Reply 5

lilac!!

well i think you should look at the situation from her point of view, i mean she may love u like hell still but she also cant go against her family

Reply 6

Anonymous #3

I have been in the exact same situation, expect my girlfriend and I decided to stay together for as long as possible, knowing that we would eventually have to break up. Weve had so many good times, but also lots of arguments have happened and pain has been caused, weve continuously thought of breaking up, and to be honest if we had broken up at the start a lot of heartbreak could have been saved. But also I cant imagine the past few years without her. This inevitable break up hangs like a black shadow over our relationship, so maybe it would be for the best if you both go your seperate ways and find someone more suitable. You may think you'll never find anyone u'll love as much as her, but as they say theres plenty more fish in the sea and your bound to find someone you like and you will get over her.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Ever since my x opened me up as a person, ive felt the need to have a soul mate in my life. I have been an only child since I was born. My mum suffered a loss at birth and she wasnt able to conceive again. At that time I was only aged 10-11 and my mum was my best frind.
That loss had a huge effect on my relationship with my mother and family and it gradually made me more distant to the family.

For the past 8-9 I had become very solid and bottle allot of stuff up as I really didnt have any one to talk to about private affairs.
It was only until 6 months into my first relationship where my x opened me up and found out everything relating to my past. It felt good to trust some 1 and have my x's love. I became so used to it that I would even delay or posporne my plans just becuase my g/f would call to chat (long distance).

ANyway 1 year down the line things didnt work out as in the long run she couldnt be with me so she ended it.
I took it quite bad and took atleast a good 4-5 months to get over it.

I was more or less over it and thats when I met my recent x who I got involved with and with her everything just naturally flowed and we had a blast and then she turned out to have excess baggage as well but because I have faith and trust in her I deicded to see where it took us.
The problem with that was because of the excess baggage I tended to question her more about it from time to time and the more I did that the more little arguments happened which got her thinging more about the issues.

In the end she had a deep think about it all and now shes decided that she wants me but it aint right so she has to end it and she will help me through it as well.

I find myself alone most of the times as I am not currently working and when im at uni evenings I tend to be alone so I think allot.
I am still willing to try and work things out even though relaisticly there is no future but because I want that love and care im turning to her. I dont know how to control myself as im so used to it and ive tryed other options but it doesnt seem to have any effect.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

This bloody miserable weather aint helping one bit today. Normally im fine and don't think to deeply when the sun is out but now its raining and very cloudy and its making me feel depressed :angry: