The Student Room Group

I must be a b****, and i feel so low...

This post is long but believe me, im desperate for some advice. i literally feel like there is no point in living...plz guys, im desperate for some help...

I'm the OP for "completely heartbroken and shattered to bits..." A lot has happened over the past 24 hours. For those who have not read that, my bf was meant to come back from holiday yday and he didnt...and he hasnt let me know when hes coming back. So basically, i called the number that he last contacted me from and this random man picked up, saying that my bf had gone out. Being the paranoid cow that i am, i kept calling the number and eventually, the man (who i assume to be my bf's uncle) said that my bf didnt want to speak to me. i begged him to give the phone to my bf and eventually broke down crying. the man called my bf's name and then said to me again "look, im calling him but he doesnt want to speak to u." After i started crying he hung up. i was so furious that i called his mum...and his mum doesnt know about me but i told her who i was...and i demanded to know when my bf is coming home as i miss him.. his dad took the phone and started shouting at me and said "whether ur his gf, wife, the mother of his child or his whore, u have no right to know." i started crying and he swore at me and said "fine, hes coming back in 6 months time, now stop calling.." and hung up. I called again and asked him if he was being serious and he said to me "you have no brain." finally, i got on the phone to his mum and i was crying so much that i couldnt speak. she then said "he is coming in 15 days." i asked her whether she was lying or not and she said "trust me, if he doesnt then call me." but i don't know whether to believe her or not.
I called that india number today again and the man lied again saying it was a wrong number. i demanded that he tells my bf to call me asap and he just said "ok whatever" and hung up.

So what now? When is my bf coming bk...how do i find out? Why is this happening to me? why wont he speak to me? why is he telling his uncle to lie to me saying that im now calling a wrong number? has he found someone else? or is he just scared that im angry because he didnt come back yday? i am quite a forceful person...im actually schizophrenic and have depression... normally, in our relationship, wen things arent done the way i want it to go, i threaten to kill myself...but i was wrong, im a b**** and im sorry, but i love my bf. why wont he speak to me? what if he isnt coming bk...or found another girl? i cant believe he'd do this to me...we've spent 4 and a half years together (more actually) and although some ppl wont consider this to be a big deal, i gave up my virginity to him. i feel used. has he found someone else? Someone plz help me.

BTW, NONE OF HIS FAMILY MEMBERS KNOW ABOUT ME (UNTIL I TOLD HIS PARENTS YDAY) AS HE COMES FROM A STRICT FAMILY.

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if my bf phoned me that much would be scared. maybe he needs some space? repeatedly calling him is just going to push him away further and make you look like a bunny boiler
oh...my...gosh....i dunno what to say but youve scared me a little bit never mind him. you need to seriously calm down, just read what youve written and see how stalker-esque you sound. ok, so he's not coming back for a few more days, so what? do you think he's going to be happy now that youve told his parents after 4 and a half years of secrecy? just leave it, he probably just wants a break from you coz you sound a bit clingy, so let him have some space. dont call his family again, wait until he calls you. then see what happens when he comes back. just calm down, it's not like he has your only oxygen supply or something
Anonymous
This post is long but believe me, im desperate for some advice. i literally feel like there is no point in living...plz guys, im desperate for some help...

I'm the OP for "completely heartbroken and shattered to bits..." A lot has happened over the past 24 hours. For those who have not read that, my bf was meant to come back from holiday yday and he didnt...and he hasnt let me know when hes coming back. So basically, i called the number that he last contacted me from and this random man picked up, saying that my bf had gone out. Being the paranoid cow that i am, i kept calling the number and eventually, the man (who i assume to be my bf's uncle) said that my bf didnt want to speak to me. i begged him to give the phone to my bf and eventually broke down crying. the man called my bf's name and then said to me again "look, im calling him but he doesnt want to speak to u." After i started crying he hung up. i was so furious that i called his mum...and his mum doesnt know about me but i told her who i was...and i demanded to know when my bf is coming home as i miss him.. his dad took the phone and started shouting at me and said "whether ur his gf, wife, the mother of his child or his whore, u have no right to know." i started crying and he swore at me and said "fine, hes coming back in 6 months time, now stop calling.." and hung up. I called again and asked him if he was being serious and he said to me "you have no brain." finally, i got on the phone to his mum and i was crying so much that i couldnt speak. she then said "he is coming in 15 days." i asked her whether she was lying or not and she said "trust me, if he doesnt then call me." but i don't know whether to believe her or not.
I called that india number today again and the man lied again saying it was a wrong number. i demanded that he tells my bf to call me asap and he just said "ok whatever" and hung up.

So what now? When is my bf coming bk...how do i find out? Why is this happening to me? why wont he speak to me? why is he telling his uncle to lie to me saying that im now calling a wrong number? has he found someone else? or is he just scared that im angry because he didnt come back yday? i am quite a forceful person...im actually schizophrenic and have depression... normally, in our relationship, wen things arent done the way i want it to go, i threaten to kill myself...but i was wrong, im a b**** and im sorry, but i love my bf. why wont he speak to me? what if he isnt coming bk...or found another girl? i cant believe he'd do this to me...we've spent 4 and a half years together (more actually) and although some ppl wont consider this to be a big deal, i gave up my virginity to him. i feel used. has he found someone else? Someone plz help me.

BTW, NONE OF HIS FAMILY MEMBERS KNOW ABOUT ME (UNTIL I TOLD HIS PARENTS YDAY) AS HE COMES FROM A STRICT FAMILY.



Telling his family was spiteful and unnecessary if he might get into trouble about it. Second, just wait a while - a few days - and see if any contact is made. If he's a day late it seems slightly psycho to respond like this. I hate to sound judgemental but you could have behaved from what you describe. Third, do you have mutual friends? If you do they may be able to help.
Reply 4
OK, stop, and take a deep breath.

None of us can possibly know what your boyfriend's motives are for staying in India, we can't tell if he's met someone else, or any other reasons he might have for not coming home. All I can say is that by getting angry and panicky, and calling everyone under the sun repeatedly, you're only going to exacerbate the situation. If he doesn't want to speak to you, you calling time after time and giving abuse to the guy taking the calls isn't going to make him want to talk any more. As for his parents, you've just dropped a MASSIVE bombshell on them, so their reaction being less than joyous is not surprising. Again, begging and "demanding" (because you miss him? That's not going to be top of their list of priorities) and shouting at them is not going to help anything.

I think you need to take a day or two out. Stop trying to call everyone all the time, it's not going to change anything and will only make things worse. Phone in a few days, be civilised and apologise for losing your temper. Ask for the information you want, and if you don't get it, don't shout and scream. It's going to hurt a lot, but don't make things worse for yourself. Threatening to kill yourself is childish and melodramatic, and won't help any bad feelings they may have towards you - it's effectively blackmail.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you, but in all honesty none of us can say what has happened, but by panicking and overreacting, it's only getting worse.
Reply 5
HeStoleMyCrayon
oh...my...gosh....i dunno what to say but youve scared me a little bit never mind him. you need to seriously calm down, just read what youve written and see how stalker-esque you sound. ok, so he's not coming back for a few more days, so what? do you think he's going to be happy now that youve told his parents after 4 and a half years of secrecy? just leave it, he probably just wants a break from you coz you sound a bit clingy, so let him have some space. dont call his family again, wait until he calls you. then see what happens when he comes back. just calm down, it's not like he has your only oxygen supply or something


But i cant help it...im not trying to be a stalker...i feel bad, don't get me wrong but why don't i have the right to know when hes coming back? and why wont he talk to me? im sorry i've scared u, and i know i sound like a bitch, thats why i feel so low about myself, but what could i do? i want him so badly...i don't understand why this is happening to me...
i think u should just wait it out.. you do sound a bit like a stalker-no offense.. even if he has found someone else.. if you dont contact him i'm more than certain he'll get in touch with you as soon as he can.. cuz 4+ years is a LOOONg time (i think)..
so pls calm down first.. your post scared me a little..
you dont sound like a bitch, you just sound like your whole world has ended just coz a guy hasnt called you back. bit over the top...and you do have a right to know but you dont have the right to call his parents and reveal that ur his gf against his wishes. ok, so you want to know stuff and he should have told you, but doesnt he have the right to do what he wants to do and have some time to himself? im sure he'll explain later when he gets back. just seriously, try to stop thinking so psychoish about the situation, for your own mental health's sake
Reply 8
He does sound a bit harsh for not telling you what is going on.

All the best,
Anonymous
This post is long but believe me, im desperate for some advice. i literally feel like there is no point in living...plz guys, im desperate for some help...

I'm the OP for "completely heartbroken and shattered to bits..." A lot has happened over the past 24 hours. For those who have not read that, my bf was meant to come back from holiday yday and he didnt...and he hasnt let me know when hes coming back. So basically, i called the number that he last contacted me from and this random man picked up, saying that my bf had gone out. Being the paranoid cow that i am, i kept calling the number and eventually, the man (who i assume to be my bf's uncle) said that my bf didnt want to speak to me. i begged him to give the phone to my bf and eventually broke down crying. the man called my bf's name and then said to me again "look, im calling him but he doesnt want to speak to u." After i started crying he hung up. i was so furious that i called his mum...and his mum doesnt know about me but i told her who i was...and i demanded to know when my bf is coming home as i miss him.. his dad took the phone and started shouting at me and said "whether ur his gf, wife, the mother of his child or his whore, u have no right to know." i started crying and he swore at me and said "fine, hes coming back in 6 months time, now stop calling.." and hung up. I called again and asked him if he was being serious and he said to me "you have no brain." finally, i got on the phone to his mum and i was crying so much that i couldnt speak. she then said "he is coming in 15 days." i asked her whether she was lying or not and she said "trust me, if he doesnt then call me." but i don't know whether to believe her or not.
I called that india number today again and the man lied again saying it was a wrong number. i demanded that he tells my bf to call me asap and he just said "ok whatever" and hung up.

So what now? When is my bf coming bk...how do i find out? Why is this happening to me? why wont he speak to me? why is he telling his uncle to lie to me saying that im now calling a wrong number? has he found someone else? or is he just scared that im angry because he didnt come back yday? i am quite a forceful person...im actually schizophrenic and have depression... normally, in our relationship, wen things arent done the way i want it to go, i threaten to kill myself...but i was wrong, im a b**** and im sorry, but i love my bf. why wont he speak to me? what if he isnt coming bk...or found another girl? i cant believe he'd do this to me...we've spent 4 and a half years together (more actually) and although some ppl wont consider this to be a big deal, i gave up my virginity to him. i feel used. has he found someone else? Someone plz help me.

BTW, NONE OF HIS FAMILY MEMBERS KNOW ABOUT ME (UNTIL I TOLD HIS PARENTS YDAY) AS HE COMES FROM A STRICT FAMILY.

Tbh I can see why he wouldn't want to speak to you! :frown:

Give him some space ffs :/
Anonymous
But i cant help it...im not trying to be a stalker...i feel bad, don't get me wrong but why don't i have the right to know when hes coming back? and why wont he talk to me? im sorry i've scared u, and i know i sound like a bitch, thats why i feel so low about myself, but what could i do? i want him so badly...i don't understand why this is happening to me...


you say you dont understand why this is happening to you but really what is actually happening? he just isnt coming back when he said he would, and yes perhaps you do have a right to know when hes coming back, but if he hasnt told you then he has that right aswel, you cant then start demanding that people tell you, give him and every1 else some room
Anonymous
But i cant help it...im not trying to be a stalker...i feel bad, don't get me wrong but why don't i have the right to know when hes coming back? and why wont he talk to me? im sorry i've scared u, and i know i sound like a bitch, thats why i feel so low about myself, but what could i do? i want him so badly...i don't understand why this is happening to me...


probably because your too clingy and he didnt want to tell you face to face because he knew you would react badly.
Reply 12
Helenia
OK, stop, and take a deep breath.

None of us can possibly know what your boyfriend's motives are for staying in India, we can't tell if he's met someone else, or any other reasons he might have for not coming home. All I can say is that by getting angry and panicky, and calling everyone under the sun repeatedly, you're only going to exacerbate the situation. If he doesn't want to speak to you, you calling time after time and giving abuse to the guy taking the calls isn't going to make him want to talk any more. As for his parents, you've just dropped a MASSIVE bombshell on them, so their reaction being less than joyous is not surprising. Again, begging and "demanding" (because you miss him? That's not going to be top of their list of priorities) and shouting at them is not going to help anything.

I think you need to take a day or two out. Stop trying to call everyone all the time, it's not going to change anything and will only make things worse. Phone in a few days, be civilised and apologise for losing your temper. Ask for the information you want, and if you don't get it, don't shout and scream. It's going to hurt a lot, but don't make things worse for yourself. Threatening to kill yourself is childish and melodramatic, and won't help any bad feelings they may have towards you - it's effectively blackmail.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you, but in all honesty none of us can say what has happened, but by panicking and overreacting, it's only getting worse.


im sorry, i really am...maybe i shouldnt have posted this because although im anonymous, i sound pyscho, which i probably am...his mum told me the reason why he didnt come bk yday, she said its coz she told him to stay longer coz of the bomb scares. but i just dont understand why he didnt tell me about it. is it because of my tendency to blackmail? but then didnt he wonder what i was going to do when i found out he wasnt coming back? and why wont he speak to me? it feels like its over between us. and i dont think he will contact me any more until he comes back...so how do i react to that? what if he doesnt contact me? what if its over? i feel like i cant live without him.
Reply 13
The more you harass him and his family the less he's gonna want to speak to you. If you don't want to ruin things completely then get away from the phone for a few days!
Reply 14
Anonymous
is it because of my tendency to blackmail?


ha! quite possibly...
step away from the phone...
:ditto:

you should probably send him an email apologising for your behavior too. it will make you feel better about not doing anything and hopefully when he picks its up everything will have calmed down a bit.
harsh
Reply 18
high priestess fnord
:ditto:

you should probably send him an email apologising for your behavior too. it will make you feel better about not doing anything and hopefully when he picks its up everything will have calmed down a bit.


he doesnt have access to the internet. but i am truly sorry. noone understands me...this is why i dont see the point of living...imagine that someone u loved to bits just all of a sudden stopped having contact with u...like i said, i lost my virginity to him and we had such good times together. all i want to know is when hes coming back...his mum told me that he'll be back in 15 days and told me to trust her and said that if he doesnt then call her but when i asked her to swear to god she said "don't talk like that," which makes me not believe her. guys, i may sound like a stalker, a bitch, whatever...but i love this guy to bits and it hurts that he doesnt want to speak to me...and what should i do if he doesnt contact me anymore? like i said before, im sorry if ive scared anyone.
Reply 19
Pretty Boy
You're annoying.

Stop posting.


ok. im sorry.