The Student Room Group

Help! I am being forced into an arranged marriages

Hey, I am in this really bad situation where my parents have chosen " my husband to be" I really hate this guy! I mean he is not even good looking and he is 5 years older than me! But apparently the love grows after sometime. I can't let my parents down as it is a shame to our culture if I don't go ahead with it. Shall I go ahead with it then run away after the marriage? What do I do? I am only 18 by the way and the wedding is scheduled for next year January. I really need suggestions please help!

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Reply 1
Anonymous
Hey, I am in this really bad situation where my parents have chosen " my husband to be" I really hate this guy! I mean he is not even good looking and he is 5 years older than me! But apparently the love grows after sometime. I can't let my parents down as it is a shame to our culture if I don't go ahead with it. Shall I go ahead with it then run away after the marriage? What do I do? I am only 18 by the way and the wedding is scheduled for next year January. I really need suggestions please help!

Talk to your parents. Say that you cannot marry this man. If you do you will never be happy and that you want to choose your man. Who cares if it brings shame, it is not fair on you.
Reply 2
tell them *******s... culture doesnt really matter in the long run.. just follow your heart.. etc
19 is a bit young to be married. and if you dont like him now you probably never will
Ack, what an awful situation... You have my sympathies, for what it's worth. I'd strongly suggest that you talk to your parents. I wouldn't just flat-out refuse to do it, as that might put their backs up -- just try to make them realise that you really, really don't like him, say why, and suggest that you're old enough and responsible enough to have at least a say in who you marry, though you respect their wishes too. Best of luck.
I'm asian and this kinda thing is common. I hate all this culture crap and letting the family down. There's a lot of pressure though and its not quite as simple as saying "stuff you, i'm not doing it."

I would not run away. I wouldnt talk directly to your parents either because I assume they're bent on the marriage and just plain old stubborn, as parents normally are. I would speak to someone who is either close to the family who would understand or someone in the community who commands respect (could be a religous leader for example). Or someone within your family-- a brother, sister, uncle etc You're going to have to let your feelings be known to someone. Try that to get some support behind so someone can reason with your parents on your behalf.
Reply 5
Say to your parents that you are not prepared to marry this guy, but will seriously consider others they put forward, perhaps tell them the qualities in this guy that you didn't like, and they might choose better next time.
Reply 6
you definitely cant be forced to get married if you dont want to... if i were you id try to reason with your parents....find sum evidence to make them realise that you wont be happy with him and never will. tell them that your too young to decide on who to marry and the worst case is to agree than regret it for the rest of ur life...its marrige, not a joke...and if its a shame in your culture to refuse, i assume ur frum the same culture im frum and so divorce is even a bigger shame... so ur stuck with him for the rest of your life and its your life not theirs so you shud choose who to live it with.
Reply 7
i presume you live in a democracy?
Do you get along with this lad, does he like you etc..
you could always talk to him about it, i.e. no disrespect i like you as a person but i dont consider you to be my husband, then you and him with your respective parents can come to an agrement that includes you in the picture
tell them you and your friends/cousins saw ur husband to be (or his brother) kissing another guy/girl (whatever you think will affect them more) and you dont want to marry into a family with such shame

that should sort em out :biggrin:
Reply 9
lying is even more shamfull and will leave you with guilt if that action shames the supposed husband and his parents disown him or something
Assuming you're in Blighty...

Foreign Office link thing

There are also charities and helplines dedicated to this. Have a google.
Reply 11
Anonymous
tell them you and your friends/cousins saw ur husband to be (or his brother) kissing another guy/girl (whatever you think will affect them more) and you dont want to marry into a family with such shame

that should sort em out :biggrin:


NOoooo dont do tht !!! then theyll go and invstigate with the other family and u turn up as a liar....then that will really make your parnents want to make it up for the other family by making you agree to marry him!!
Reply 12
silent ninja
I'm asian and this kinda thing is common. I hate all this culture crap and letting the family down. There's a lot of pressure though and its not quite as simple as saying "stuff you, i'm not doing it."

.


Thats all there ever is to it. They cannot physically force you.
Reply 13
Speak to a religious leader about it who your parents respect. They will/should help :smile:
Reply 14
should is not a synonym of will, unfortunately.
No prizes for guessing as to which religion the 'OP' belongs to; ah, isn't Islam just so lovely!
Hold on...you are 18? Same as me...so shouldn't you be going to uni this september or the following..? And you are getting married..?
Reply 17
My god. Just talk to your parents. Tell them how unhappy you are. If they are reasonable people who love you, they could never force you to marry someone you don't like. Don't marry him. Nobody should ever be forced into matrimony. It is a recepie for misery.
Reply 18
They can't legally make you get married.

If you do something because your parents tell you then you really don't have much self-respect.
Reply 19
Zoecb
They can't legally make you get married.

If you do soemthing because your parents tell you then you really don't have much self-respect.


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