The Student Room Group

A drunken night is now haunting me.

Got very drunk one night last week with some of my friends. As the night progressed, a friend of mine (who is the brother of my best friend, and has a g.f of 2 years!) and I ended up being alone together. At no stage did we get with each other, but we had a lot of fumbling around and did stuff we bother hideously regret. He has told his g.f, and she has asked me for an explanation. We both feel guilty as hell, and I decided that she deserved a version of the truth which made her ex b/f look better than the real story.
Have I done the right thing?

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Reply 1
No.
I agree. No.
Reply 3
but how does it help telling the g.f the full story? I did not want to disrupt thier relationship, and the fact that her b.f cheated on her is enough to work through surely?!
Reply 4
yeh but the story makes the guy look better... thats hardly fair on you and i'm sure his girlfriend would want to no if she had been cheated on.
Reply 5
What's the difference between the true story and what you've told her?
Reply 6
Well obviously something is already missing in their relationship in the first place if he is willing to mess around with another girl. By covering up the truth that destroys any hope of those 2 working something out.
HEY, hmm difficult situation, it was really nice of you to make him look better than he actually was and I think you should tell him what you did for him. The fact that he told his gf about you and him makes me think he does really care about his gf because otherwise he cld have js pretended it never happened. So your version of events may have helped him to save his relationship. But at the same time I keep thinking surely she shoud know the whole truth and not just part of it? But I think this is his decision to make and that you should try and avoid getting involved in it now you've said your bit xx
Reply 8
Helenia
What's the difference between the true story and what you've told her?

the difference is that he kept saying how he wanted to "experiment" and "see what everyone else was like".
Reply 9
if i was going out with a guy who said that to another girl i would want to no!
Reply 10
id want toknow if it was me, relationships cannot be built on mistrust and lies...your just giving her false reasons for her to trust her bf, its not fair on anyone. your both at fault but dont make him look like an angel when hes not
Now this is interesting. In my experience, whenever someone posts something about cheating or fooling around, more often than not the poster is told that they are not at fault and that it is all the other persons fault. I'm glad that people are coming together to dish out the blame in equal proportions. OP you are both at fault. Stop protecting him and come clean, with the truth.
Anonymous
the difference is that he kept saying how he wanted to "experiment" and "see what everyone else was like".


no excuses if he really loved his girlfriend he wouldn't have fooled around with you, clearly something is not right in the relationship for him to do that, plus when your not sober you can't control what your body does, if you don't want to get in that situation again, don't drink so much
Reply 13
Anonymous
the difference is that he kept saying how he wanted to "experiment" and "see what everyone else was like".
And you fell for that? If he wants to experiment then he should be single. WHY are you protecting this douche bag (apols but ffs!!)?? Do you live in hope he'll dump his gf for you because you protected him? You're both as bad as each other.
Reply 14
Anonymous
the difference is that he kept saying how he wanted to "experiment" and "see what everyone else was like".
Maybe you should suggest he talks about this with her. If you said it, then you'd end up having the argument with her instead of him, and it's his place.

And at least that's better than 'he said he fancied me more than you'. It's not preferring someone to your gfriend, it's just freaking out because the relationship is getting serious.
Reply 15
#1,
r u boy or girl? if u r a boy, things might be a bit more complicated.
Let the girl make up her mind based on all the facts - that why she can chose what she really wants to do - she isn't being fed crap by some whore who got with her boyfriend.
DanGrover
Let the girl make up her mind based on all the facts - that why she can chose what she really wants to do - she isn't being fed crap by some whore who got with her boyfriend.


Yeah. The OP lies and cheats. Not a very nice person. You had a chance to redeem yourself and tell the truth. You didn't. Suffer the consequences.
Reply 18
Sam Beckett
Yeah. The OP lies and cheats. Not a very nice person. You had a chance to redeem yourself and tell the truth. You didn't. Suffer the consequences.
Honestly, the girl has nothing to gain by lying and probably made herself look worse to do so. She's just trying to limit the damage that she's caused, so you could do with getting off your pulpit
.
Reply 19
I think it would have been better for you to tell the truth. Your right in thinking that his gf already had a lot to deal with, but do you not think that dealing with EVERYTHING at once might be better then dealing with what she thinks is the truth just to find out later that it was not in fact the truth. Then all the hardship and suffering she went through dealing with it the first time would be for nothing, and she would have to start again.

However, as to whether you go back and tell her now is much more difficult. It depends on how long it had been since you told her and how strongly he went along with your story. Maybe the best thing would be for him to talk to her and let her know exactly what happened, with it coming from him it'll be much better for her to deal with.

In the future, just remember that communication is the ultimate key to all relationships, without communication, it will surely fail. He was right to let her know, but should have told her the full story from the outset, if they can deal with the whole story straight off it makes it much easier.

I know you didnt mean it to happen like it did, but when its happened, you have to stand up and take responsibility for your actions, its strenghens you as a person as well, and helps you learn for the future not to make the same mistake.