Can anyone help me improve my AQA Unit 3 answer (no need to know specifically about t

your opening paragraph is a waste of ink, the examiner does not care that you think it is "an interesting topic". Also you must NOT sit on the fence in your opening paragraph it may bring the false assumption that you don't know what your talking about. You can't say things such as " some people think this and others say this" as right from the start it needs to be clear whom it is you are agreeing with and why that interpretation is right.

You have a good balanced enquiry,but discriminate more why one interpretation has more credibility than the other, with such a violent topic there can never be opposite reasons for causing the same riot(s), it needs to be more clear who you agree with.

E.g Religion played an enormous role in the rebellions because...... non religious reasons were less of an incentive to riot because....

Therefore religion governed the rioters motive the most as.....

avoid phrases such as " it has been argued, or "some people think this" etc.

this is perfect examples of sitting on the fence,your own point of view needs to be clear and why opponents of your view are wrong.

Dope. I get what you mean entirely about the introduction.

Do u think it is okay to say "some have suggested" for the weaker argument. Then contrast it with "however, based on this evidence it is much more likely that xxxxx caused yyyyyy". Sort of to hint to the examiner you don't agree with that one side of the argument before overtly criticising it.

Thanks for the help btw

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