I think I might be the worst friend ever....

Hi,

I just wanted some advice really, I have a friend who is going through a few issues and has been for some time, around 3 years I'd say.

Her issues are that she has 2 children with a man who is a heroin addict, this obviously upsets her and distresses her as he treats her terribly, there's no violence as she would definitely tell me as we're close, but she often finds him using in the house or he spends all their money on drugs. I am normally the person she turns to when she's feeling upset which I do not mind a lot of the time.

She phoned me today, I was explaining to her that my Dad is ill at the minute and I am really worried about him. She then started crying and talking about herself and her relationship issues, basically she sweeped my issues aside just so she could talk about herself. This really ****** me off and I ended up shouting at her and saying some really horrible things to her. The conversation ended with me saying that having one kid with him is bad enough but having a second and then moaning about it for years is her own fault and she deserves to be treated like a ****.

What I said was out of anger and I meant it but I was angry and the way it came across was obviously horrible.

It's just sometimes it gets a bit much when every single time you speak to someone they're still unhappy and they still moan about it but do absolutely NOTHING to help themselves.

I feel horrible about it and I don't really know if I should try and save the friendship or not...... I feel like her therapist, it's like she doesn't understand that I have problems to.

Reply 1

Tootles

You two need your heads banging together, you both sound like bad friends.

Reply 2

Carpe Vinum

A friendship goes both ways. And whilst it's difficult in a situation where you're both going through difficult things at the same time, both of you acted in the wrong way. She should have listened to your problems, but at the same time you should not have lashed out and said those extremely insensitive things.

Sounds like your friendship isn't the healthiest. I've had "friends" who have gone on to me about their issues but when I've tried to talk to them about mine, they haven't been there or just pretended to listen when they clearly weren't. I don't consider them my friends any more.

You either need to work on your friendship with her, by talking to her and telling her about your dad and making her listen, and also apologise to her, or if not, you should probably call it quits.

Reply 3

Xyloid

I don't blame you. I know many people who do the same. Infact I had a similar fall out with my best friend about a month ago over something similar and it's been weird since. I don't really care though, i'm glad I told him he was a selfish bellend.

The ones that take every opportunity to babble on about their problems while you listen and give advice and then the odd time you want some yourself they try and get off topic as quickly as possible to talk about them some more.

It must be extremely difficult for her and I do feel very sorry for her. I hope you guys sort it all out.

I think I might be the worst friend ever....

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