Getting back together with ex: advice needed!

Would very much appreciate your guys' help on this one! Shall be brief.

My relationship with my boyfriend ended a year ago, after about 10 months. i didnt want to break up with him but we had to because of circumstances and the spark had gone a bit. this year we've both been wavering between being over each other/being into each other but at non-corresponding times, annoyingly!

i know find out, having gone for a 'closure' drink with him the other night which was v platonic and lovely, that a week before our 'closure' drink at our leavers ball where we'd had a really great chat, he'd told a mutual friend that he wanted to get back together but thought i didnt feel the same.

fact is, i did at the time, and despite thinking i was over him i cant stop thinking about whether he still feels this way (is a few weeks later.)

now. what the fook do i do?? do i assume that becuase of our 'closure chat' beign so platonic the other day that he has moved on since the way he felt at the leavers ball?? do i ask him how he feels (bearing in mind, we never EVER talk about how we feel about the other one anymorw, we just piss around and try to outwit each other) or do i leave it and get over it... again?/

Thanks in advance to all you budding Trishas and relationship councillors out there :smile:

Reply 1

El Scotto

Ya should never go back... thats just lazy...

getting back with an ex just results in whatever crap caused the split in the first place to be raked all over again. have fun.

Reply 2

username47781

Well if its what you both want i guess it's worth another try, again really depends on the circumstances of the break up in the first place and whether the same problem will happen again.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

the reason we broke up was because he had some serious family problems to deal with and he needed space to sort his head in. these problems are sorted now...

is it really lazy to get back with an ex? has anyone got any success stories about picking up a former relationship?

Reply 4

username47781

to be honest i have not known that many but maybe you could give it a trial and see how it goes.

Reply 5

Mutant

Im currently dating an ex at the moment. give it a go if it feels right, but take things slow. we went to the cinema as mates and saw each other more, been round each others houses, gone to pubs together. I love spending time with her, but she goes away with her work which is a bummer.

so if you both want it go for it.

Reply 6

xChellex

Anonymous

It's not lazy. I had a relationship with a guy a couple of years ago, and I really liked him. We broke up due to distance and other pressures, but now we are back together and really happy. I love him to bits, and he loves me, and although we both had feelings in the past, we'd never feel the same at the same time. But it seems as though we've now got there, so don't be disheartened by what other people tell you. I couldn't be happier, but before I went back into this relationship, I was told by those who were looking out for my best interests, that it was a big mistake, but now they're perfectly happy because it's been a success.

Just go for it - go talk to him about it. If you wait too long, he really will have moved on in his heart, so best to talk to him as soon as possible and get things out in the open. It's the only way you can find out for sure how you both feel and to make sure you're not both feeling the same but are too scared to speak up about it under the misapprehension that other has moved on.

Reply 7

amie

El Scotto

Ya should never go back... thats just lazy...

getting back with an ex just results in whatever crap caused the split in the first place to be raked all over again. have fun.

Not necessarily.

My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me, telling me that he didn't love me anymore. A little while later we got back together after he admitted that he only broke up with me because the only way he could see our relationship going was marriage and it freaked him out! Three and a half years later, we're still together and having a fantastic time.

Sometimes getting back together can work, if you work hard at it and the reasons for breaking up weren't that you hated each other or something!

Reply 8

username47781

Think the important thing is not to rush it take your time, no need to think about marriage, just have a good time.

Reply 9

amie

Carl1982

Think the important thing is not to rush it take your time, no need to think about marriage, just have a good time.

Haha, of course! He was just being a silly seventeen year old getting freaked out by his own feelings. It's much better now :smile:

Reply 10

username47781

amie

Haha, of course! He was just being a silly seventeen year old getting freaked out by his own feelings. It's much better now :smile:

Yeah once you get a bit older you start realising what you really want and the fact you will see that there's no rush to get marriage. While at 17 you won't be so sure of what you really want.

Reply 11

Sticky

Why do people always assume that going back with an ex is a bad idea? I don't even know any long-lasting relationships with haven't had their occasional break-ups.

I'd say it all depends on the type of break-up in the first place.

Reply 12

khil

My mum says - never go back once you've split up.

However, I've recently got back together with my bf who broke up with me for 2 months. What we had was too precious, our dreams of the future, and above all, him... However scared I was - and still am - I think it's worth a shot. I suppose I simply want him enough to give it another go, cus who knows what might happen this time? I know I wouldn't have been able to say no when he'd asked me, and I know I'd simply regret it if I didn't give it a go. I'd regret it forever. Mind you, if we broke up again, I'm never going back, period. But everyone deserves one second chance, right? I don't believe in third chances, but second chances, yes.

It all depends on what sorta girl you are. 2 ways of doing it:

Number 1: If he likes you so much, surely the risk of rejection would not and could not compare to the possibility and joy of having you back, which would lead him to ask you regardless and confess his feelings. If he refuses cus he's too scared, then he probably doesn't like you enough anyway so maybe you should just leave it.

Number 2: Confront him. Surely the possibility of getting back with him is greater than the risk of rejection. Getting an answer is better than not knowing cus then at least you can deal with the situation.

I'm the opportunist sort who will confront an issue and ask whatever questions that need to be asked, so I'd personally confront him. However as a girl I believe in being pursued as opposed to me pursuing the guy, so maybe it would be good to wait for him to confront you, as that would show you how much he likes you, that he likes you more than you like him, and that security is pretty priceless. (btw, no feminist attacks about how why a women shouldn't chase after a guy, please. Just different ways of doing things.)