Regrets from first year of university making me feel depressed.
I finished my first year of university about a month ago and as per the title I have some regrets that I can't stop thinking about and I'm starting to feel really depressed about it.
I feel like I didn't put myself out there enough as I probably should of and now as a result I have pretty much made no friends in my first year apart from the 1 acquaintance that i went out with a few times. I missed freshers because at the time It was my first time experiencing going clubbing and I decided I didn't like it and thus never went out for the rest of freshers after the first day out of the entire two week freshers experience.
It turns out however a few weeks later I decided to try it out again and now I love it but missing freshers was crucial. I feel like as a result I have missed out on probably the best time of my life and crushed my hopes of making any friends throughout the rest of the year, as they say of course everyone is looking to make friends during freshers and you will inevitably end up making a lot of them during this period but i missed it all.
I didn't even get on with my flatmates, we had no common interests whatsoever, our subjects didn't match whatsoever, me studying history and politics while most of my flatmates were studying spot related degrees such as sports journalism and sports coaching, all they would ever talk about was football and nothing else and I had no interest in football at all. They were the stereotypical 'laddish' type of guys too which didn't appeal to me and were obsessed with alcohol. The one flatmate i actually only did get on well with ended up dropping out after 2 months into uni.
Before coming to university I had never drank alcohol at all, not even a sip and I continued this throughout the first year of university, I was scared of not being in control of myself. I'm really anxious when it comes to communicating with other people, i'm not very confident and because I never drank I never really surrounded myself around people as much as I would have liked because most of the people spend their time drinking copius amounts of alcohol and playing drinking games which I did not want to be part of at all, as a result i shut myself away from people and after about the first two months I got sidelined, everyone forgot about me and no one invited me out anymore, probably because i was perceived as being boring. I feel like maybe I should have just gave in and started drinking alcohol from the moment i started university to 'fit in'
I would still go out to clubs, in fact I have the upmost confidence to dance on the dancefloor all night until 4am non-stop without worrying how people perceive me, even when i'm completely sober, maybe it's because I like dancing and listening to the music but because I didn't drink alcohol I didn't have the confidence to approach people, make new friends or approach girls.
This links to my other point, because I didn't put myself out there as much as I would have liked and because of my low confidence in interacting I didn't have any sexual or romantic encounters during my first year of university which I would have liked. I went out quite a lot with the one person I did manage to make some kind of friendship with but every time I left alone with my mate and my confidence went down the drain. Combined with making virtually hardly any friends and having nothing in common with flatmates I feel really lonely.
Everyday I would get the urge to go out clubbing because now I absolutely loved it but I had no one to go with so I was forced to stay at home sad searching Google for topics related to whether it was socially acceptable to go out clubbing alone, only to find out the majority of people thought that was sad, creepy and all sorts. I thought maybe I could go clubbing alone and at least attempt to make friends or even pick up some girls and attempt to boost my confidence but obviously that would be perceived as being creepy going out just to hit up on some girls in a club but I could never up the courage to do so because it's just so much better with friends, reality is I would probably just end up standing around pretending to be on my phone or pretending to be drinking alcohol while I watch everyone else having fun.
Especially since it's the first year of university right? My assignment grades don't even count towards my degree, hell I feel like I should be spending most of my time out having fun. Now i'll be going into second year in September, sure there will be freshers again which I can try and somewhat remedy the situation to some extent i guess but I feel like because my grades are actually going to contribute to my degree classification now that I will have barely any time to socialize like I could have done in first year.
They say join societies to seek people out with common interests but maybe it's because I didn't go to a well prestigious university most of the societies were either completely dead and inactive, the facebook groups were deserted, posts had not been made in over half a year and when you did try and join a society there were only literally a handful of people, if that, in the societies that I was interested in and all of these people were second and third years which made me feel isolated because there was no first years there which I could relate to and everyone there was older than me. I was expecting tons of first years to join up to societies and make tons of friends but it wasn't like that. I guess students at university just don't like political societies.
Thanks for reading, if you did read it all. I had to get all of that out of my system and tell someone, anyone about how I am feeling right now to make myself feel at least a little bit better than holding it all in.
I feel like I didn't put myself out there enough as I probably should of and now as a result I have pretty much made no friends in my first year apart from the 1 acquaintance that i went out with a few times. I missed freshers because at the time It was my first time experiencing going clubbing and I decided I didn't like it and thus never went out for the rest of freshers after the first day out of the entire two week freshers experience.
It turns out however a few weeks later I decided to try it out again and now I love it but missing freshers was crucial. I feel like as a result I have missed out on probably the best time of my life and crushed my hopes of making any friends throughout the rest of the year, as they say of course everyone is looking to make friends during freshers and you will inevitably end up making a lot of them during this period but i missed it all.
I didn't even get on with my flatmates, we had no common interests whatsoever, our subjects didn't match whatsoever, me studying history and politics while most of my flatmates were studying spot related degrees such as sports journalism and sports coaching, all they would ever talk about was football and nothing else and I had no interest in football at all. They were the stereotypical 'laddish' type of guys too which didn't appeal to me and were obsessed with alcohol. The one flatmate i actually only did get on well with ended up dropping out after 2 months into uni.
Before coming to university I had never drank alcohol at all, not even a sip and I continued this throughout the first year of university, I was scared of not being in control of myself. I'm really anxious when it comes to communicating with other people, i'm not very confident and because I never drank I never really surrounded myself around people as much as I would have liked because most of the people spend their time drinking copius amounts of alcohol and playing drinking games which I did not want to be part of at all, as a result i shut myself away from people and after about the first two months I got sidelined, everyone forgot about me and no one invited me out anymore, probably because i was perceived as being boring. I feel like maybe I should have just gave in and started drinking alcohol from the moment i started university to 'fit in'
I would still go out to clubs, in fact I have the upmost confidence to dance on the dancefloor all night until 4am non-stop without worrying how people perceive me, even when i'm completely sober, maybe it's because I like dancing and listening to the music but because I didn't drink alcohol I didn't have the confidence to approach people, make new friends or approach girls.
This links to my other point, because I didn't put myself out there as much as I would have liked and because of my low confidence in interacting I didn't have any sexual or romantic encounters during my first year of university which I would have liked. I went out quite a lot with the one person I did manage to make some kind of friendship with but every time I left alone with my mate and my confidence went down the drain. Combined with making virtually hardly any friends and having nothing in common with flatmates I feel really lonely.
Everyday I would get the urge to go out clubbing because now I absolutely loved it but I had no one to go with so I was forced to stay at home sad searching Google for topics related to whether it was socially acceptable to go out clubbing alone, only to find out the majority of people thought that was sad, creepy and all sorts. I thought maybe I could go clubbing alone and at least attempt to make friends or even pick up some girls and attempt to boost my confidence but obviously that would be perceived as being creepy going out just to hit up on some girls in a club but I could never up the courage to do so because it's just so much better with friends, reality is I would probably just end up standing around pretending to be on my phone or pretending to be drinking alcohol while I watch everyone else having fun.
Especially since it's the first year of university right? My assignment grades don't even count towards my degree, hell I feel like I should be spending most of my time out having fun. Now i'll be going into second year in September, sure there will be freshers again which I can try and somewhat remedy the situation to some extent i guess but I feel like because my grades are actually going to contribute to my degree classification now that I will have barely any time to socialize like I could have done in first year.
They say join societies to seek people out with common interests but maybe it's because I didn't go to a well prestigious university most of the societies were either completely dead and inactive, the facebook groups were deserted, posts had not been made in over half a year and when you did try and join a society there were only literally a handful of people, if that, in the societies that I was interested in and all of these people were second and third years which made me feel isolated because there was no first years there which I could relate to and everyone there was older than me. I was expecting tons of first years to join up to societies and make tons of friends but it wasn't like that. I guess students at university just don't like political societies.
Thanks for reading, if you did read it all. I had to get all of that out of my system and tell someone, anyone about how I am feeling right now to make myself feel at least a little bit better than holding it all in.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Alrightfella
Thanks for reading, if you did read it all. I had to get all of that out of my system and tell someone, anyone about how I am feeling right now to make myself feel at least a little bit better than holding it all in.
I know how you feel. Felt kinda the same way because in a new environment I always play kinda safe and restrict myself. But trust me you didn't miss out anything especially if you're young like 18-19. Most of them would have been fake friends anyway. You will have plenty of opportunities to party just keep on searching. It seems that you're the type of person who would rather have a few good friends and hundred of acquaintances and this is better from all perspectives.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Why does everyone think clubbing, drinking and going out all the time is the only way to make friends
I have no interest in freshers week what so ever I'm paying £9000 to do good in a degree and make few friends
But that's just me
Posted from TSR Mobile
I have no interest in freshers week what so ever I'm paying £9000 to do good in a degree and make few friends
But that's just me
Posted from TSR Mobile
I was in a similar situation. I'm not a particularly outgoing person, and all I had at the end of first year were acquaintances.
I stopped making an effort with them in second year, and they fell out of my life completely - just goes to show how they weren't really friends. I don't think I even spoke to them more than a handful of times in second year. I tried making friends with them, but it was pretty pointless.
So I was in a similar situation to you, but I wasn't a huge fan of clubbing (opposite reason, I'd done that when I was younger - I'd been stupid, had fun, and kind of grown up already by the time of Uni).
What made second and third year a million times better was getting a house with my cousin and old friend from school - my cousin had been a *lot* luckier with his flatmates (mine were atrocious) and so I moved in with them and became good friends. Living with people you like is the thing which changed Uni for me.
I stopped making an effort with them in second year, and they fell out of my life completely - just goes to show how they weren't really friends. I don't think I even spoke to them more than a handful of times in second year. I tried making friends with them, but it was pretty pointless.
So I was in a similar situation to you, but I wasn't a huge fan of clubbing (opposite reason, I'd done that when I was younger - I'd been stupid, had fun, and kind of grown up already by the time of Uni).
What made second and third year a million times better was getting a house with my cousin and old friend from school - my cousin had been a *lot* luckier with his flatmates (mine were atrocious) and so I moved in with them and became good friends. Living with people you like is the thing which changed Uni for me.
I been the same a bit not really been up for clubbing. Through freshers for me didn't really occur as I got a chance on a course I wanted to get on but had too pass two tests to confirm it, so end up studying during freshers instead of having fun. I just plan to do some of freshers in second year, am in halls again. Plus uni officially doesn't start till week after. So that first week I can be out about. Just try and do a few things, I haven't made any good friends, but known a lot of people am happy to go out with and have fun.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
I can relate to this also, the people in my halls were obsessed with clubbing and casual sex, being an overly-mature 19-year old in a long term relationship who doesn't like clubbing didn't help things. I was surprised at how shallow people can be, how fickle. My one flatmate who I truly liked and cared about,I have only just realised does not really care for me at all, even though I have practically cooked for her all year. I also have this jackass 24-year old who picks and chooses when he believes he is an adult.. it's embarassing to see his actions and to think he believes he is so much more mature than me. I did hang out with some people on my course a few times but then they stopped inviting me out.
The loneliness makes me sad, especially now those two flatmates have got together and frequently tease me "because I am easily wound up" it pisses me off after my boyfriend and best friend got depression, one of my flatmates has a blatant eating disorder and then one of my housemates for next year dropped out prompting a search for a new housemate. I just wish I had a real friend, and feel cheated because I thought you were supposed to make firm friends at uni, I guess there's always next year but right now that feels too late.
I made one friend like me who is in the 2nd year of uni, but she broke off contact around exams and now I don't know how to approach her.
Sometimes I feel like it might be me who has the problem, and that I should stop being so melancholy and moaning about it all.
The loneliness makes me sad, especially now those two flatmates have got together and frequently tease me "because I am easily wound up" it pisses me off after my boyfriend and best friend got depression, one of my flatmates has a blatant eating disorder and then one of my housemates for next year dropped out prompting a search for a new housemate. I just wish I had a real friend, and feel cheated because I thought you were supposed to make firm friends at uni, I guess there's always next year but right now that feels too late.
I made one friend like me who is in the 2nd year of uni, but she broke off contact around exams and now I don't know how to approach her.
Sometimes I feel like it might be me who has the problem, and that I should stop being so melancholy and moaning about it all.
Original post by holsjols
I can relate to this also, the people in my halls were obsessed with clubbing and casual sex, being an overly-mature 19-year old in a long term relationship who doesn't like clubbing didn't help things. I was surprised at how shallow people can be, how fickle. My one flatmate who I truly liked and cared about,I have only just realised does not really care for me at all, even though I have practically cooked for her all year. I also have this jackass 24-year old who picks and chooses when he believes he is an adult.. it's embarassing to see his actions and to think he believes he is so much more mature than me. I did hang out with some people on my course a few times but then they stopped inviting me out.
The loneliness makes me sad, especially now those two flatmates have got together and frequently tease me "because I am easily wound up" it pisses me off after my boyfriend and best friend got depression, one of my flatmates has a blatant eating disorder and then one of my housemates for next year dropped out prompting a search for a new housemate. I just wish I had a real friend, and feel cheated because I thought you were supposed to make firm friends at uni, I guess there's always next year but right now that feels too late.
I made one friend like me who is in the 2nd year of uni, but she broke off contact around exams and now I don't know how to approach her.
Sometimes I feel like it might be me who has the problem, and that I should stop being so melancholy and moaning about it all.
The loneliness makes me sad, especially now those two flatmates have got together and frequently tease me "because I am easily wound up" it pisses me off after my boyfriend and best friend got depression, one of my flatmates has a blatant eating disorder and then one of my housemates for next year dropped out prompting a search for a new housemate. I just wish I had a real friend, and feel cheated because I thought you were supposed to make firm friends at uni, I guess there's always next year but right now that feels too late.
I made one friend like me who is in the 2nd year of uni, but she broke off contact around exams and now I don't know how to approach her.
Sometimes I feel like it might be me who has the problem, and that I should stop being so melancholy and moaning about it all.
Have you tried going to societies in the first year of uni? It can be a great way to meet new people that share common interests with you.
Ok well first off
-First year not third year, 2 years to go, plenty of time to change and people change a LOT in 2 years!
-You don't like Freshers? A surprising number of people don't! I'm not a big club person, I go every few months but it gets boring. Nothing wrong with you, just different strokes for different folks, don't get down about it, plenty of other people in the same boat
-Living with other people is a learning curve (not one I've experienced myself!), it helps you figure to what you like and don't like in people, as well as learn how to be sociable/civil/compromise. In your case, you found that you don't like 'laddish' people-this is good, you've learnt something from the experience, now you know to find more reserved/intellectual/geeky types I assume?
-Alcohol is over-rated. I don't judge people but it slipped me over the years into social anxiety, paranoia and depression. No problems with people who drink, but, there is more to life than booze and it is not for me! Not everyone in the world drinks, once again you will find more like-minded people, keep looking my friend
-Oh God this situation is ringing too many bells. Sending
and to know you're not alone
Loneliness will pass in time, be kind to yourself, think of the things YOU like to do-music? dancing as you said? films? any cool hobbies?-and DO them. Find other people to do them with if you want company, you will make friends soon enough. You do need to put yourself out there though! I know it's really hard, but try not to dwell on the feeling, and get yourself engaged in something which you enjoy/helps you relax. When people see you having fun, they will want to be with you!
-I had next to no and then met my first love in second year and had one of the best years of my life. hints have now gone to **** due to lots of reasons so we're no longer together but still in touch, sort of…point is like I said, 2 years, you may meet someone yet! And if you never meet anyone at uni? Does it really matter? You have your whole life ahead of you! and other gems from the family, etc.
-Screw what Google/the world think, what's better? Being self-conscious about what random strangers in a club think of your behaviour, or feeling absolutely awful stuck inside lonely and shut off from society? Trust me, it's the former. What's more likely to make friends and alleviate the feeling of loneliness and low confidence? The former.
Please try to not give a **** what people think, at the end of the day we are all incredibly neurotic and insecure and so worried about what others think of us, we have little time to judge others objectively (unless they are really a creep/bad egg, Hitler for example
)
-Good on you for trying to go to societies (not everyone does!), sorry to hear your uni's been a bit lax with their administration, but maybe YOU could start your own society?
-I really think the best thing you can do is occasionally chat to people on your course when not under TOO much work stress, and get to know people. If you never try you never know!
Please for the love of God make more of your opportunity to socialise than I did.
Much love,
Riku
-First year not third year, 2 years to go, plenty of time to change and people change a LOT in 2 years!
-You don't like Freshers? A surprising number of people don't! I'm not a big club person, I go every few months but it gets boring. Nothing wrong with you, just different strokes for different folks, don't get down about it, plenty of other people in the same boat
-Living with other people is a learning curve (not one I've experienced myself!), it helps you figure to what you like and don't like in people, as well as learn how to be sociable/civil/compromise. In your case, you found that you don't like 'laddish' people-this is good, you've learnt something from the experience, now you know to find more reserved/intellectual/geeky types I assume?
-Alcohol is over-rated. I don't judge people but it slipped me over the years into social anxiety, paranoia and depression. No problems with people who drink, but, there is more to life than booze and it is not for me! Not everyone in the world drinks, once again you will find more like-minded people, keep looking my friend
-Oh God this situation is ringing too many bells. Sending
and to know you're not alone Loneliness will pass in time, be kind to yourself, think of the things YOU like to do-music? dancing as you said? films? any cool hobbies?-and DO them. Find other people to do them with if you want company, you will make friends soon enough. You do need to put yourself out there though! I know it's really hard, but try not to dwell on the feeling, and get yourself engaged in something which you enjoy/helps you relax. When people see you having fun, they will want to be with you!
-I had next to no and then met my first love in second year and had one of the best years of my life. hints have now gone to **** due to lots of reasons so we're no longer together but still in touch, sort of…point is like I said, 2 years, you may meet someone yet! And if you never meet anyone at uni? Does it really matter? You have your whole life ahead of you! and other gems from the family, etc.
-Screw what Google/the world think, what's better? Being self-conscious about what random strangers in a club think of your behaviour, or feeling absolutely awful stuck inside lonely and shut off from society? Trust me, it's the former. What's more likely to make friends and alleviate the feeling of loneliness and low confidence? The former.
Please try to not give a **** what people think, at the end of the day we are all incredibly neurotic and insecure and so worried about what others think of us, we have little time to judge others objectively (unless they are really a creep/bad egg, Hitler for example
)-Good on you for trying to go to societies (not everyone does!), sorry to hear your uni's been a bit lax with their administration, but maybe YOU could start your own society?
-I really think the best thing you can do is occasionally chat to people on your course when not under TOO much work stress, and get to know people. If you never try you never know!
Please for the love of God make more of your opportunity to socialise than I did.
Much love,
Riku
Ok well first off
-First year not third year, 2 years to go, plenty of time to change and people change a LOT in 2 years!
-You don't like Freshers? A surprising number of people don't! I'm not a big club person, I go every few months but it gets boring. Nothing wrong with you, just different strokes for different folks, don't get down about it, plenty of other people in the same boat
-Living with other people is a learning curve (not one I've experienced myself!), it helps you figure to what you like and don't like in people, as well as learn how to be sociable/civil/compromise. In your case, you found that you don't like 'laddish' people-this is good, you've learnt something from the experience, now you know to find more reserved/intellectual/geeky types I assume?
-Alcohol is over-rated. I don't judge people but it slipped me over the years into social anxiety, paranoia and depression. No problems with people who drink, but, there is more to life than booze and it is not for me! Not everyone in the world drinks, once again you will find more like-minded people, keep looking my friend
-Oh God this situation is ringing too many bells. Sending and to know you're not alone
Loneliness will pass in time, be kind to yourself, think of the things YOU like to do-music? dancing as you said? films? any cool hobbies?-and DO them. Find other people to do them with if you want company, you will make friends soon enough. You do need to put yourself out there though! I know it's really hard, but try not to dwell on the feeling, and get yourself engaged in something which you enjoy/helps you relax. When people see you having fun, they will want to be with you!
-I had next to no and then met my first love in second year and had one of the best years of my life. hints have now gone to **** due to lots of reasons so we're no longer together but still in touch, sort of…point is like I said, 2 years, you may meet someone yet! And if you never meet anyone at uni? Does it really matter? You have your whole life ahead of you! and other gems from the family, etc.
-Screw what Google/the world think, what's better? Being self-conscious about what random strangers in a club think of your behaviour, or feeling absolutely awful stuck inside lonely and shut off from society? Trust me, it's the former. What's more likely to make friends and alleviate the feeling of loneliness and low confidence? The former.
Please try to not give a **** what people think, at the end of the day we are all incredibly neurotic and insecure and so worried about what others think of us, we have little time to judge others objectively (unless they are really a creep/bad egg, Hitler for example)
-Good on you for trying to go to societies (not everyone does!), sorry to hear your uni's been a bit lax with their administration, but maybe YOU could start your own society?
-I really think the best thing you can do is occasionally chat to people on your course when not under TOO much work stress, and get to know people. If you never try you never know!
Please for the love of God make more of your opportunity to socialise than I did. The only thing you will regret is not trying.
Much love,
Riku
-First year not third year, 2 years to go, plenty of time to change and people change a LOT in 2 years!
-You don't like Freshers? A surprising number of people don't! I'm not a big club person, I go every few months but it gets boring. Nothing wrong with you, just different strokes for different folks, don't get down about it, plenty of other people in the same boat
-Living with other people is a learning curve (not one I've experienced myself!), it helps you figure to what you like and don't like in people, as well as learn how to be sociable/civil/compromise. In your case, you found that you don't like 'laddish' people-this is good, you've learnt something from the experience, now you know to find more reserved/intellectual/geeky types I assume?
-Alcohol is over-rated. I don't judge people but it slipped me over the years into social anxiety, paranoia and depression. No problems with people who drink, but, there is more to life than booze and it is not for me! Not everyone in the world drinks, once again you will find more like-minded people, keep looking my friend
-Oh God this situation is ringing too many bells. Sending
and to know you're not alone Loneliness will pass in time, be kind to yourself, think of the things YOU like to do-music? dancing as you said? films? any cool hobbies?-and DO them. Find other people to do them with if you want company, you will make friends soon enough. You do need to put yourself out there though! I know it's really hard, but try not to dwell on the feeling, and get yourself engaged in something which you enjoy/helps you relax. When people see you having fun, they will want to be with you!
-I had next to no and then met my first love in second year and had one of the best years of my life. hints have now gone to **** due to lots of reasons so we're no longer together but still in touch, sort of…point is like I said, 2 years, you may meet someone yet! And if you never meet anyone at uni? Does it really matter? You have your whole life ahead of you! and other gems from the family, etc.
-Screw what Google/the world think, what's better? Being self-conscious about what random strangers in a club think of your behaviour, or feeling absolutely awful stuck inside lonely and shut off from society? Trust me, it's the former. What's more likely to make friends and alleviate the feeling of loneliness and low confidence? The former.
Please try to not give a **** what people think, at the end of the day we are all incredibly neurotic and insecure and so worried about what others think of us, we have little time to judge others objectively (unless they are really a creep/bad egg, Hitler for example
)-Good on you for trying to go to societies (not everyone does!), sorry to hear your uni's been a bit lax with their administration, but maybe YOU could start your own society?
-I really think the best thing you can do is occasionally chat to people on your course when not under TOO much work stress, and get to know people. If you never try you never know!
Please for the love of God make more of your opportunity to socialise than I did. The only thing you will regret is not trying.
Much love,
Riku
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