making friends

hyper-little-mushroom-men

I'm really timid about stuff like this... I hate doing stuff like asking taxi drivers if they're free, ordering in a restaurant, approaching people who know me but not well at all... aargh. I usually smile inanely and say something along the lines of "Hi, sorry to bother you, but do you know where (insert random place) is? Or are you as totally lost as I am?" And grin hopefully. And then ask where they're from or something. Having a 'genuine' question makes it easier for me to start a conversation with someone on their own... and who knows, you might get chatting if you wander off together to look for (insert random place here).

My other tactic is to say, "I want to talk to you and have no idea what to say, but that's because I'm crap at starting conversations and I'm bricking it. Are you anywhere near as nervous as me?" Hey, be honest, it's an icebreaker... I don't think many people are to that extent, not in my experience. :p:

Reply 5

hermajesty

6

I find a self-depreciating comment is a good conversation-starter, eg "Man, i'll never be able to fill in all these forms, I'm so confused." Then they either agree with you, and you can commiserate together, or they explain how to do the form. Either way you end up starting a conversation, which can then lead to more questions such as "so where are you from?" or "What are you planning to do later on?" The slight disadvantage of this method is that if you use it too often people might think you're stupid :redface:

, but usually its not a problem.

Does anyone else do this? I too sometimes find it hard to fill awkward silences, i think most people do - I'd be interested to hear everyone elses' suggestions.

Reply 6

I do it all the time, and half the time I'm not bluffing either. :redface:

Reply 7

ImperceptibleNinja

13

Actually, another couple of points: Don't talk ridiculously fast or incredibly quietly. I know some really nice people who do these things, and holding a conversation with them is very difficult, because you simply don't have a clue what they're saying.

Reply 8

Mad4it_87

a standard conversation when meeting people at uni for the 1st time was like:

Alrite mate?
whats your name?
where you from?
what course you doing?
what flat you in?
How you finding it? etc.......... and just go from there really, ask them about music or what pubs they've been to and what they thought of them.

Reply 9

bobbles_lass

7

ImperceptibleNinja

Don't talk ridiculously fast or incredibly quietly.

Ah damn!lol - that's exactly me :rolleyes:

then add in random accent and stutter...... :frown:

What might work is looking out for people who look lonely/confused as well, coz they're less likely to tell you to bugger off.
I find talking to someone who is quieter than me lets me become the 'confident' one of the group and so when the group meets randomers you get looked to as the one to do the introducing etc.

Reply 10

i'm scared about it as well of making new friends etc,but i read somewhere (i think it was on tsr :biggrin:

) and i'm gonna try it so i'm not a loner and get sad and depressed

1) say hi to everyone i see! lol hopefully they'll think i'm wierd not friendly.
2) leave a box of choccie so when people want some they have to come say hi and talk.
3) meet up with all of the people going to my uni from tsr,and talking to them from now.
4) i'm still thinking of more lol but the first two i think are good. :smile:

the idea of hermajesty of having a group complaint is good too :yy:

hopefully it'll be good.

Reply 11

Plodman

All this leaving chocolate out for any old chap to come by and chat to seems to require quite a bit of confidence, however?

Reply 12

Anonymous #3

Anonymous

hey all,

i'm not good at making friends and meeting new people and i'm afraid that when i start uni in sept i'm going to be a loner. can anyone give me any advice on how to get along with new people and what not to say or do? it's not that i'm stupid i'm just a bit socially inept and whereas others seem to generate conversations out of nothing i create silences!

cheers x

You could say where you are going and meet up with other people on the forum who have liked your posts so far. A lot of people on TSR meet up when they go to the same uni anyway.

Reply 13

Plodman

hahahha to the above..

All this leaving chocolate out for any old chap to come by and chat to seems to require quite a bit of confidence, however?

people love chocolate,and even more, students love free things no? that's the theory i'm working on :wink:

would you complain to free chocolate from a nice looking girl? i think not...

Reply 14

Plodman

January Victim

people love chocolate,and even more, students love free things no? that's the theory i'm working on :wink:

would you complain to free chocolate from a nice looking girl? i think not...

I second that but, it all requires confidence and i tell you.. during freshers week i won't have much of that! I'll be nervous as hell!

Reply 15

Plodman

I second that but, it all requires confidence and i tell you.. during freshers week i won't have much of that! I'll be nervous as hell!

well the thing to do is, buy your box of chocolate and either:
a) leave a sign by your door saying free chocolate and leave the door slightly open. so people have to step into your room to get the chocolate.
b) leave the door open,place the chocolate near a table next to the door with the sign 'free chocolate'

if i use this method, i'll choose a i think.

another thing is you could play music real loud while you're unpacking and people who like the music will come and talk to you either asking for the song or something or they'll come to complain and as they do you tell them 'it's not your sort of music and was about to change it etc and introduce yourself' or 'apologize and introduce yourself and ask what subject they're doing,where their room is etc.' i think that one works. :smile:

i'm not the most confident person in the world,and you can ask my friends that lol but i think with a good imagination,and with practice (practice in front of a mirror if you must lol) you can come up with the best ice breakers,chat up lines etc etc. :smile:

Reply 16

Plodman

Well i may go with chocolate/leaving beer out, but i doubt music'd work for me...They'd not go anywhere near my room!
But more fool them :wink:

Reply 17

thePhantom

2

make the effort during the first weeks at uni - go out as much as possible, dont stay in your room, always be doing stuff with people so you get to know them, people theyve met etc. Join societies, meet coursemates, people in your halls ... it doesnt matter if you have nothing more than a simple 'say hello' relationship with these people after a while, because by then you will have made your close friends and be comfortable with them ...

Reply 18