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visits home during term time watch

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    hey all
    my mum wants me to go home from uni every weekend, do you think that this will have a big effect on my social life? how often is everone else planning on/ currently going home? i'm hoping i can convince her once a fortnight will be sufficient, its tough though because me and her are quite close as my dad died about 5 yrs ago and my older bros are never at home. i just feel guilty for leaving her but i want to be able to enjoy uni as much as possible.
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    Personally I think every weekend is excessive and would probably get quite annoying! Last year I did go home every three weeks or so on average but then my home is only forty-five minutes from university so it was quite easy.

    You won't know how it'll effect your social life because everyone's is different - my weekends at uni were fairly quiet because most of my friends worked but we had some good Saturday nights! Other people do loads at the weekend though so it all depends.
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    IMO, every weekend is certainly excessive. I would have thought that two or three times a term would be more than enough. If you keep going home your Mum will come to expect it and won't adjust to the fact that you now have a life of your own.
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    I go home once a term at the most. Every weekend is definitely excessive - you won't be able to get any work done or do much socialising. I appreciate your situation though; perhaps wean your mum off the visits by coming home for the first two weekends, then take a week off, then 2 weeks, etc.
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    I'll prob come back a fair bit, as i hear weekends are quiet at my uni, plus my local rugby team are gonna pay me come back and play so thats a big factor in it.
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    i won't go home that much. maybe once or twice during term time. ill just phone/email them quite a lot I expect
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    Every weekend is too much in my opinion. I hardly ever go home, but that's because I don't want to. Even if you do want to I'd say not every weekend, as you could miss out on things.
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    my mother lives alone (now i'm at uni) and i hardly ever go home... im planning to work weekends this year so .... xmas and easter lol
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    I wont be able to come home as much as I want to cos I'll need to have a p/t job at uni and I feel bad cos my dad's really ill and my little brother's gonna miss me & mum as well so I'll try as often as I can, but I'll see
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    yeh it sounds abit too much to go every weekend, but depends how far you live and stuff i guess, i wont be going home very often, my family do my head in lol
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    I go home every weekend
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    (Original post by poppy12)
    hey all
    my mum wants me to go home from uni every weekend, do you think that this will have a big effect on my social life? how often is everone else planning on/ currently going home? i'm hoping i can convince her once a fortnight will be sufficient, its tough though because me and her are quite close as my dad died about 5 yrs ago and my older bros are never at home. i just feel guilty for leaving her but i want to be able to enjoy uni as much as possible.

    Hi poppy, im in a similar situation, i feel really guilty because my mum died just over 1 month ago and my dad is on his own in the house alot cos he doesnt work that much. Although i have two older sisters, i feel really bad because he is used to coming home and seeing me or mum being there so when i go to uni im going to feel horrible and like im leaving them in the lurch. I dont really want to come home EVERY weekend but i see no other way.
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    (Original post by girlpants)
    Hi poppy, im in a similar situation, i feel really guilty because my mum died just over 1 month ago and my dad is on his own in the house alot cos he doesnt work that much. Although i have two older sisters, i feel really bad because he is used to coming home and seeing me or mum being there so when i go to uni im going to feel horrible and like im leaving them in the lurch. I dont really want to come home EVERY weekend but i see no other way.
    not meaning to intrude but are you gonna have anyone at uni that you can talk to about your mum?, my dad is terminally ill you see so I'm planning to have counselling at uni to help me cope with all the feelings. I'm sorry about your mum and I hope everything will be alright for you at uni :hugs:
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    yeh i hear that there are free counselling sessions at uni because im gagging to talk to someone, i dont really wana talk to my family because i dont want to upset them further but i cant talk to my friends either because they are too young to really know what to say to me.

    I hope you dont mind me asking but what illness has your dad got?
    Without sounding horrible, its a bit of a comfort that you are going through the same because i was beginning to think i was the only one and i was beginning to think maybe i shouldnt go to uni.
    xXx
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    (Original post by girlpants)
    yeh i hear that there are free counselling sessions at uni because im gagging to talk to someone, i dont really wana talk to my family because i dont want to upset them further but i cant talk to my friends either because they are too young to really know what to say to me.
    tell me about it! everytime I talk about my grandfather (he was like a father to me as my father left me when I was under 1) my family cries, I can't say anything about him, not to mention the guilt I have to live with everyday
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    (Original post by girlpants)
    yeh i hear that there are free counselling sessions at uni because im gagging to talk to someone, i dont really wana talk to my family because i dont want to upset them further but i cant talk to my friends either because they are too young to really know what to say to me.

    I hope you dont mind me asking but what illness has your dad got?
    Without sounding horrible, its a bit of a comfort that you are going through the same because i was beginning to think i was the only one and i was beginning to think maybe i shouldnt go to uni.
    xXx
    Yeah I know what you mean, I can't really talk to family because well the only family there is to talk to (that I would feel comfortable talking to) are my mum and little brother and I don't wanna upset them. My neighbour's been really good though, saying if I ever wanna talk I can but I just wanna talk to someone who doesnt know me or the family. My dad has a brain tumour, he was diagnosed with it over a year ago and told he only had a year or less to live, because even though he had chemo it was only to prolongue his life not cure the cancer, they cant even operate as it's too deep I don't even have any friends I can talk to about it either and some of my friends have kind of distanced themselves from me since we finished college, probably due to them just not knowing what to say to me, hmm I dunno :dontknow: anyway my doctor tried to sort out a counselling thing for me, didn't happen though so really hoping to talk to someone at uni! I know how you feel about not wanting to go as well, I've had second thoughts about it, like maybe I should put it off for a year but my dad's really pleased that I'm going and he'd be mad it I didn't go cos of him, one time he had to go into hospital he got mad at me for ringing in sick at work so I could go spend the day with him at hospital!
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    aww your dad sounds nice, my mum was the same, i deferred my entry last year to be with her and she really didnt want me to but im so glad i did because i would have kicked myself if i went to uni and didn't spend enough time with her.

    My mum had cancer four times, secondary stomach cancer and then it eventually spread to her liver. But mum said she was ready to go, so to hear your own mum say that, you know that she doesnt want to suffer anymore and hopefully she isnt now.

    I go onto http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Share/Di...ncer/Home.aspx to unload, its like TSR but like a cancer forum.
    I'd be happy to chat to you, even if its just to unload some worries you may have. My email is [email protected], if you want to talk further.

    xXx
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    (Original post by sunscreen)
    tell me about it! everytime I talk about my grandfather (he was like a father to me as my father left me when I was under 1) my family cries, I can't say anything about him, not to mention the guilt I have to live with everyday
    Thats hard, i assume you'd want to know more about your father but can't really find out anything from family if they cry every time you mention him.
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    (Original post by poppy12)
    hey all
    my mum wants me to go home from uni every weekend, do you think that this will have a big effect on my social life? how often is everone else planning on/ currently going home? i'm hoping i can convince her once a fortnight will be sufficient, its tough though because me and her are quite close as my dad died about 5 yrs ago and my older bros are never at home. i just feel guilty for leaving her but i want to be able to enjoy uni as much as possible.
    Why not go along with her plans but after a few weeks say "won't be home this week, got a concert/nite out/party/extra uni work/etc. on." Then do the same a couple weeks later. She'll eventually get used to it and things will work out to a situation where you are both happy. Of course it is possible that she will start getting annoyed at you staying at uni the odd weekend but the chances of her coming to terms with it and understanding are equally good.
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    i go home every weekend (have to to play football), and its a 2.5 hour train journey everytime and it hasnt affected my social life at all. i still go out the same amount, if not more, than my friends and i have a great friend network at uni. theres not much to do round campus at weekends as most people do tend to pop off home.
 
 
 
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