How can I over come feeling needy and insecure, when I know my ex is having a wonderf

I'm female, 19 and going to university this september. I had a relationship with a teacher at school when i was 16/17 which lasted a year, this teacher was also female and 18 years older than me.

The relationship ended before i finished college because my parents found out. The teacher wasn't sacked though and carried on with their life. I was forced to move colleges and finish my a-levels elsewhere. I had a year of counselling and severed contact with this teacher.

My counsellor told me the reason i sought a relationship with this teacher was because i have problems with my mum and was searching somewhere for the care that i really wanted.

Anyway that's the background to my current problem. Basically I recently heard that this teacher has totally moved on, has gone abroad to Australia for the summer, changed their appearance and got on with things.

Up until now i thought i'd healed from the pain the relationship caused me - it caused problems with my family at home and it took me ages to stop feeling ashamed and hurt. But suddenly all these feelings come flooding back knowing this woman is having a great time and i'm still the same insecure, needy person i was before.... I feel confused and hurt all over again and it seems so unjust that she can just have a carefree life while i still feel some pain.

Can anyone give me any advice or how to deal with my feelings?

Reply 1

Montrose

I wouldn't say your ex is having a carefree time. Just because they have moved on doesn't mean that they're happy. In fact, moving to the other side of the world is quite an extreme measure, maybe suggesting they weren't as carefree as you think and they needed to get away.

It is normal to feel insecure and needy. I know exactly how you feel, because I have felt like that for ages. I feel like I need my friends to see me everyday, for them to speak to me, and for someone to tell me at least once a week that I am a nice guy. It is human nature and nothing to feel ashamed of.

I am not saying Uni will solve all your problems, but it may well help. The vast majority of my friends who went away last year found partners, and even those who didn't, everyone has come back this summer seeming a lot happier, a lot less stressed, and more confident in themselves.

By all means let these negative feelings washover you: it's natural. But keep the faith that something good may be just around the corner for you. PM me if you want to talk more.