Does being unpopular harm your chances of getting a girlfriend?

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Anonymous #1
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I have virtually no friends these days well not enough to be sunk into any social media. All I hear from others is talking about whatsapp etc but I don't feel the need to get these things as I wouldn't have anyone to talk to on there. I have Facebook and have 100s of friends on there but only because I. Used to be popular. Now I have virtually no one except the odd friend that drifts in and out of my life. If I don't get any friends would a girlfriend likely happen or not? I'm 25 now and I don't feel optimistic about it as I don't really like social gatherings etc such as nightclubbing or parties anymore I'd rather stick to very small group outings with minimal mingling necessary.
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jessamelia
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If a girl only wants to go out with you because you're "popular" then maybe you shouldn't be going out with that girl. I don't think you being "unpopular" as you say should affect your chances of getting a girlfriend as long as you're a nice enough person and maybe try to make some good reliable friends and branch out and communicate with people more


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Crystalz
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It possibly could because girlfriends are usually met through socialising
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Mockery
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Most women will say that it makes no difference but in reality it will. How popular you are and how many friends you have is a good indication of whether you're a likeable character and worth getting to know properly. No friends will make them wonder as to why and they'll aproach you with some degree of caution, if at all.

It's also going to be much more difficult meeting a lass if you don't have friends to facilitate your immersion in the wider public through social events and the likes.
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may_1
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Not at all, popularity is such an illusion, not a reflection of who you are at all, no one is any 'better' than another person, outgoing loud people who group together are often seen as 'popular' but those two traits don't make you 'popular'? Any sensible girl you could connect with won't be bothered about popularity, and popularity is all about lots of people being involved- a relationship is just between two people, where no one person is better than the other it's like a mutual connection and understanding


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NebII
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Girls will say no.

Yes, being unpopular is unattractive. At the very least it is in polar opposition to 'being popular' which is a very attractive trait. Girls like people that other girls like, having lots of friends, especially other women, acts as social proof and indicates that you are a person that is worth being liked. It's a bit of a catch 22.

If you feel like it's an issue, just start practicing your social skills by getting out there and doing activities that you like to do. Also, try to meet and talk to women that you aren't romantically interested in.
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Катя
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Not really because unpopular girls also exist?

Idk it's like when I hear people go on about how being ugly ruins your chances of being in a relationship. Well yeah, maybe, to an extent. However watch Jeremy Kyle and realise that people end up with someone else in one way or another, if they really want.
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Катя
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(Original post by Mockery)
Most women will say that it makes no difference but in reality it will.
Uh, assuming that OP is a straight male, surely women's opinions matter more here, as they are the ones he'll be trying to date?
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Mankytoes
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(Original post by jessamelia)
If a girl only wants to go out with you because you're "popular" then maybe you shouldn't be going out with that girl. I don't think you being "unpopular" as you say should affect your chances of getting a girlfriend as long as you're a nice enough person and maybe try to make some good reliable friends and branch out and communicate with people more


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No girl is going to go out with someone just because they are popular, it's just one trait that affects attractiveness.

I like how you've basically just said he should become more popular!

I think being popular is definitely an attractive quality for women. It may not be particularly rational, but attraction isn't rational.

(Original post by Катя)
Uh, assuming that OP is a straight male, surely women's opinions matter more here, as they are the ones he'll be trying to date?
I think girls often say what they think is right, rather than what happens in reality. For example, they often say things like "to get with girls you need to treat them like a princess, not be rude or arrogant", when with life experience you'll know that isn't true.
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Mockery
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(Original post by Катя)
Uh, assuming that OP is a straight male, surely women's opinions matter more here, as they are the ones he'll be trying to date?
Indeed that would be true, but women are often more concerned about not appearing shallow than they are about helping a stranger on the internet. Your own answer wasn't very informative and didn't give any insight as to whether popularity would have any effect on your partner selection
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Катя
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(Original post by Mockery)
Indeed that would be true, but women are often more concerned about not appearing shallow than they are about helping a stranger on the internet. Your own answer wasn't very informative and didn't give any insight as to whether popularity would have any effect on yourpartner selection
Well, my best relationship/fling/whatever to date has been with a pretty damn unpopular guy. *shrug*
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NebII
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(Original post by Катя)
Uh, assuming that OP is a straight male, surely women's opinions matter more here, as they are the ones he'll be trying to date?
You'd think, but no, men shouldn't take advice from women about women. Women give THE worst advice because they simply don't tell the truth.

In my experience a lot of women mean well but end up giving advice based on some romanticised version of reality that is just proven to be wrong over and over again. The advice tends to be based on what the female advice-giver wishes were true about them self.

When men give advice about women it's usually based on the reality of their past experiences.
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Катя
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(Original post by NebII)
You'd think, but no, men shouldn't take advice from women about women. Women give THE worst advice because they simply don't tell the truth.

In my experience a lot of women mean well but end up giving advice based on some romanticised version of reality that is just proven to be wrong over and over again. The advice tends to be based on what the female advice-giver wishes were true about them self.

When men give advice about women it's usually based on the reality of their past experiences.
You say that, but most of the male-to-male advice on here (about women) that I've read is pure BS.
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Ripper Phoenix
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sad as it seems.. its true though!
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Mockery
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(Original post by Катя)
You say that, but most of the male-to-male advice on here (about women) that I've read is pure BS.
Because males on here typically have little past experience

If you can find me giving any truly BS advise, past or future, call me up on it.
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NebII
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(Original post by Катя)
You say that, but most of the male-to-male advice on here (about women) that I've read is pure BS.
Haha, fair enough. You're probably right, but the userbasee here is quite young too. Experience is probably a limited resource.
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cuteincarnate
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I fell in love with a nerd he had a small group of friends but none of them were by any means "popular" or what you would consider "lads"... Personally I find popular boys too arrogant (because they know everyone likes them/that they're attractive etc)

That same nerd proposed to me on my birthday this year and we're getting married if a girl doesn't like you because you're not popular, don't sweat it. They're not girlfriend material anyway
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Gonzales95
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It's not the only factor, however if you have zero friends it's going to be pretty difficult to meet anyone, because with zero friends you probably won't be in social areas to meet potential matches. You could always try online dating.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Gonzales95)
It's not the only factor, however if you have zero friends it's going to be pretty difficult to meet anyone, because with zero friends you probably won't be in social areas to meet potential matches. You could always try online dating.
Yip. I'm nearly 28 and haven't had any friends since I was 13, I know that sounds laughable but I suffered from bullying at school which made me afraid to socialise with anyone, an addition to which I also had social anxiety which I'm only now getting out of. Needless to say I've never had a girlfriend or been intimate with a girl.

So in short, if you're struggling to socialise with people generally then you almost certainly have social problem. If you can't make friends and connect with people from your own sex, how can you expect to get a girlfriend? If you have a problem making friends then you have a wider problem with interpersonal skills all round I'm afraid.
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Gonzales95
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yip. I'm nearly 28 and haven't had any friends since I was 13, I know that sounds laughable but I suffered from bullying at school which made me afraid to socialise with anyone, an addition to which I also had social anxiety which I'm only now getting out of. Needless to say I've never had a girlfriend or been intimate with a girl.

So in short, if you're struggling to socialise with people generally then you almost certainly have social problem. If you can't make friends and connect with people from your own sex, how can you expect to get a girlfriend? If you have a problem making friends then you have a wider problem with interpersonal skills all round I'm afraid.
I suffered from some bullying at my school, so I know how tough it can be. However, Hakuna Matata. You gotta put the past behind you, because those people at school were just stupid children, it doesn't mean that everyone you talk to will bully you. Plus, if people are horrible, unlike in school you can just walk away and never have to see them again (or straight up punch them if you're big enough).

My best suggestion to you would be to join some sort of club, whatever it is you like doing find a club where you can do it with other people, because by virtue of being at that club you'll have people around you who share a similar interest, so there's a good chance you'll get along. I know it isn't easy but unfortunately you'll only get out what you put in. You don't have to make the entire effort but you do have to make some of it, otherwise you'll still have no friends.
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