GF passed out in bed with a Guy - Calls me insecure?!

Since my ex cheated on me, I'm fairly cautious about things like that...

But recently, my GF got really drunk at a flat party, threw up and passed out in a bed with a guy and a girl. They're both her friends...but she fancied this guy before she met me, but nothing had happened between them...

I didn't like this a bit. For me, that's cheating. You can't just spend the night with someone else in the same bed, apart from your boyfriend. They might not have had sex but she was hammered, not the guy. I feel like throwing up thinking what the guy could have done!

When talking about this, she doesn't see any problem. She then called me Insecure and that my ex has destroyed me. I was really hurt and left.

Am I being unreasonable here?

Reply 1

GuanyinBuddha

10

Hello, I wish you happiness and well-being.

I would have reacted the same way, insecure? Lol, nah I just care about the sanctity of the relationship, If I woke up next to an unknown girl I'm sure my suitcase of clothes would be thrown out of my girlfriend's window.

Reply 2

Cal-lum

13

Two times my ex's have destroyed me, bit of a strong word for your girlfriend to use though!... but every time you get trampled on you get more and more sensitive about this kind of thing, understandably (I can't even bring myself to think about falling in love with someone again now...)

You are not being unreasonable to have a problem with this, she shouldn't be sleeping in beds with other guys no matter how drunk she is when she's in a relationship. I wouldn't quite call it cheating(especially when she's drunk, it wasn't 100% her choice), but it is totally disrespectful to the relationship. I suggest you let it blow over and just mark it in your head, if she does something similar again then have a proper conversation with her about the relationship.

Hope this helps

Reply 3

Gjaykay

11

Erm, if they're friends I don't see the problem?
I've both slept and passed out next to both male and female friends, just cause two (or three in this case) share a bed means nothing.

Reply 4

Trustno1

9

Original post by Anonymous

Since my ex cheated on me, I'm fairly cautious about things like that...

But recently, my GF got really drunk at a flat party, threw up and passed out in a bed with a guy and a girl. They're both her friends...but she fancied this guy before she met me, but nothing had happened between them...

I didn't like this a bit. For me, that's cheating. You can't just spend the night with someone else in the same bed, apart from your boyfriend. They might not have had sex but she was hammered, not the guy. I feel like throwing up thinking what the guy could have done!

When talking about this, she doesn't see any problem. She then called me Insecure and that my ex has destroyed me. I was really hurt and left.

Am I being unreasonable here?

Bless you!

I know loads of boys who'll react like you did!

Good luck

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 5

pinkbullets

12

Original post by Anonymous

Since my ex cheated on me, I'm fairly cautious about things like that...

But recently, my GF got really drunk at a flat party, threw up and passed out in a bed with a guy and a girl. They're both her friends...but she fancied this guy before she met me, but nothing had happened between them...

I didn't like this a bit. For me, that's cheating. You can't just spend the night with someone else in the same bed, apart from your boyfriend. They might not have had sex but she was hammered, not the guy. I feel like throwing up thinking what the guy could have done!

When talking about this, she doesn't see any problem. She then called me Insecure and that my ex has destroyed me. I was really hurt and left.

Am I being unreasonable here?

No I don't think you're being unreasonable and I would be furious if my boyfriend slept in the same bed as a female friend. Similarly, no matter how drunk I got I would never do that. There's a huge difference between paranoia and expecting to be respected by your significant other.

your insecure.

She definitely screwed that guy though.

Reply 8

Taliahart

9

Original post by Anonymous

Since my ex cheated on me, I'm fairly cautious about things like that...

But recently, my GF got really drunk at a flat party, threw up and passed out in a bed with a guy and a girl. They're both her friends...but she fancied this guy before she met me, but nothing had happened between them...

I didn't like this a bit. For me, that's cheating. You can't just spend the night with someone else in the same bed, apart from your boyfriend. They might not have had sex but she was hammered, not the guy. I feel like throwing up thinking what the guy could have done!

When talking about this, she doesn't see any problem. She then called me Insecure and that my ex has destroyed me. I was really hurt and left.

Am I being unreasonable here?

How is it cheating? She didn't do anything with this guy!

Also, another girl passed out in the bed with them. Not the most romantic of situations. Surely you allow her to have male friends?

"I feel like throwing up thinking what the guy could have done!" - this is subjunctive. He didn't do anything and even if he had wanted to, that's his fault not your girlfriend's.

I'm sorry about your ex, but it must be hard for your current girlfriend if you are projecting insecurities from your ex onto her. She hasn't done anything for your to mistrust her.

Reply 9

+ polarity -

21

I miss being that drunk

Reply 10

fajitamunch

17

Original post by ChrisLincoln

You aren't being insecure mate, she's being a bit of a dick!

Well judging by what's happened... You know what they say... You are what you eat.

Reply 11

Jebedee

17

It isn't cheating, but it is inappropriate.

Reply 12

donutellme

18

Original post by fajitamunch

Well judging by what's happened... You know what they say... You are what you eat.

Reply 13

username917703

17

How do you know nothing went on? Just her say so?

When talking about this, she doesn't see any problem. She then called me Insecure and that my ex has destroyed me.

She sounds very selfish. Whether or not you think it's wrong what she did, if that's her response do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want to meet you halfway or understand where you're coming from & just accuses you of being insecure?

Sounds like one of those 'it's my life I'll do what I like' kind of girls. Would leave her to it & find someone else tbh.

Reply 14

SerLorasTyrell

15

It's not cheating or inappropriate

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 15

joker12345

19

You're not being insecure, it's perfectly reasonable to be upset and her reaction has been pretty awful. Fair enough different people have different boundaries, but to completely dismiss your concerns - whether they stem from insecurity or not - is not something a loving, caring partner would do.

Reply 16

joker12345

19

Original post by Taliahart

How is it cheating? She didn't do anything with this guy!

Also, another girl passed out in the bed with them. Not the most romantic of situations. Surely you allow her to have male friends?

"I feel like throwing up thinking what the guy could have done!" - this is subjunctive. He didn't do anything and even if he had wanted to, that's his fault not your girlfriend's.

I'm sorry about your ex, but it must be hard for your current girlfriend if you are projecting insecurities from your ex onto her. She hasn't done anything for your to mistrust her.

Some would consider it cheating to sleep in bed next to a person, different people draw their own boundaries - e.g. holding hands, it's not sexual, to some it's okay and to some it's cheating.
Having friends =/= sleeping in bed with them.
If he had, it would of course be his fault, but that doesn't mean OP can't be upset with her for putting herself in such a situation.
He's not mistrusting her. He's not assuming she slept with the guy. He's simply looking at her actions and feels they crossed a line.

Reply 17

Zarek

21

I see your point and I would have said how I feel too. However sometimes we need to accept our partners as they are. I don't think this was cheating, just a casual attitude to bed sharing..