Anyone have the problem they want what they can't have?

I'm 18 and I have never had a boyfriend, I have always wanted a boyfriend and been annoying me for YEARS. I always fall for people that are just out of my legue, whatever that means!!
Anyway recently this guy has started to really like me and just because I know I can get him, I'm being really put off.. what shall I do? I can never be satisfied? I think I'm just scared and how do you tell if you really like someone?

Reply 1

Gem

14

Sounds like you don't like this guy, so tell him nothing will happen. It's not fair to string him along because you can 'have him' :frown:

I know it sounds lame, but you're only 18, someone special will come along soon.

By the way, who tells you that the people you fall for are out of your league?

Reply 2

khil

15

Anonymous

I'm 18 and I have never had a boyfriend, I have always wanted a boyfriend and been annoying me for YEARS. I always fall for people that are just out of my legue, whatever that means!!
Anyway recently this guy has started to really like me and just because I know I can get him, I'm being really put off.. what shall I do? I can never be satisfied? I think I'm just scared and how do you tell if you really like someone?

Listen, if you get put off by a guy liking you, then you're only gonna be drawn to guys who don't like you, hence it's kinda your own doing if you have no boyfriend, if you get my gist? I'm not trying to be harsh - just trying to tell you that could be why you don't have a boyfriend. Why do you get put off by a guy liking you? Because you like a challenge and to pursue guys? Maybe re-evaluate your perspective on relationships cus the chase isn't really what a relationship is about. Certainly it could be part of it but it shouldn't be what it's all about. Cus if you think about it, once you do pursue a guy, win the challenge and get him, you're immediately gonna be put off and bored. And you'll end up playing around with men without meaning to.

And if I've completely got the wrong end of the stick, I do apologise :smile:

In any case, sometimes it's better not to be in a relationship.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Yep you are right- I just like the company of certain people. I don't know what the difference between a relationship and a freind apart from stating the obvious. Apart from that I feel quite content with being close to guys with nothing sexual happening as that isn't really what I'm looking for. I don't want to mess people around, I just feel I'm a nice person who can't say no lol!

Reply 4

ChemistBoy

16

Sounds to me like you don't really need a boyfriend at the moment and a probably just frustrated because it is seen as the "done thing". I wouldn't worry about it, there will be a time when you have a mutual attraction with someone and you'll know it. At 18, there is nothing wrong with being single.

Reply 5

scruffs

1

I know how you feel. I really want one of the donuts that have been put out for people to eat in my office but can't have it coz I'm on nil-by-mouth til I'm back from the doctors. I'll be hungry til 6 this evening, and the donuts will all be gone by then :frown:

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

scruffs

I know how you feel. I really want one of the donuts that have been put out for people to eat in my office but can't have it coz I'm on nil-by-mouth til I'm back from the doctors. I'll be hungry til 6 this evening, and the donuts will all be gone by then :frown:

lol

anyway OP, theres nothing wrong with having standards. remember though, theres no harm in dating people even if you dont like them 100%. it gives you a chance to learn and build up confidence.

Reply 7

Jelkin

17

Anonymous

I'm 18 and I have never had a boyfriend, I have always wanted a boyfriend and been annoying me for YEARS. I always fall for people that are just out of my legue, whatever that means!!
Anyway recently this guy has started to really like me and just because I know I can get him, I'm being really put off.. what shall I do? I can never be satisfied? I think I'm just scared and how do you tell if you really like someone?

Are you me? Seriously.

I am EXACTLY the same. Only, it's almost worse, because if i find out someone I like likes me back, I suddenly go off them! I can't help it and I really don't know why. I reckon there's probably some sort of psychological barrier which makes me make "safe" choices of whom I like, i.e. people who I think will never go for me. Thus, I'll never have to enter the daring territory of a relationship. So when they suddenly do like me, I'm not safe anymore so I go off them! It's just a theory. But maybe it's like that for you?

Having said this, I have had a few relationships. I think you should definitely wait until it feels "right", because it will someday. And then you'll be onto a good thing :smile:

Reply 8

cuzman

1

Anonymous

I always fall for people that are just out of my legue, whatever that means!! Anyway recently this guy has started to really like me and just because I know I can get him, I'm being really put off.. what shall I do?

It sounds as if the people you like are obsessed with invisible heirarchies. Many people use the term "league" as though we are all sectioned in with a group of people who we are allowed to go out with, and nobody above or below that section is suitable for us.

You might have started to feel this way yourself in reflection to the rejections you get, with people telling you that you're "not good enough" for the person who is "out of your league". You might not have even made your feelings clear, but yet you tell yourself that you are in a "league below them", and therefore don't bother to follow through with your feelings about them.

Even so, you've started to display a similar attitude about the person who you "can get" who might be in a "league" below you. For most people these feelings are dictated by what you believe others will think of you. You don't have relationships in order to please your friends or others who (god forbid!) might mention your name behind your back.

Think less about status, and more about who you would be able to have the most fun with. Talk to these people about having fun, and not about relationships. Seek enjoyment in everybody and before you know it you'll have the right people falling for you.

Reply 9

cloudofcalm

1

To be honest, as to the guy in question - if you've not got the spark there, it doesn't work. A relationship can only work if both people have a vested interest in it. Believe me, when one person's into it, and the other's only there because they feel they ought to be, it makes both feel like ****e.

As to the general, 'people out of my league I want' 'people in my league I don't want' - it might just be type, and so on. First of all, who can say what attracts you to someone? It'll be their charisma, their attitude that makes them special to you, and there's no list of 'hit points' to match up. It's difficult, because everyone has their insecurities, but I guess... it's just normal?

Reply 10

Anonymous #3

Anonymous

I'm 18 and I have never had a boyfriend, I have always wanted a boyfriend and been annoying me for YEARS. I always fall for people that are just out of my legue, whatever that means!!
Anyway recently this guy has started to really like me and just because I know I can get him, I'm being really put off.. what shall I do? I can never be satisfied? I think I'm just scared and how do you tell if you really like someone?

Listen to Gem:" Sounds like you don't like this guy, so tell him nothing will happen. It's not fair to string him along because you can 'have him' "

when i was 18 i did a mistake by accepting the guy that i liked GENERALLY. I thought it's a chance to experience LOVE as i never have any before so i accepted him very easily when approach. He was my first bf so my first love sucked!! I'm ashamed of my first relationship. So ...DON'T follow what i did!! NEVER go out with someone unless u really really like him as a bf ! Think about it before u decide!!!!!

Reply 11

Kezalou

At least someone shows an interest which is more than they've done for me!!!
That should boost your confidence if nothing else!

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks everyone! I do understand, I like to make things more complicated than they really are. This guy in the question does not actually live in the same country so it is quite hard, I like talking to him and stuff but I really don't know if there is an attraction as I know you ahve to see by bidy language etc. We are seeing each other soon and spending a lot of time together so I'll just see how it pans out but I get bored so maybe I am stringing him along.
I don't want to hurt anyone though and I can't imagine myself doing that.. I just don't want to be hurt all the same.

Reply 13