I have no social life :( Watch

2scotty
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I'm 21. I graduated from University last year. I went to a local one. I went out a lot with them - like days out, we all had a good laugh etc, but since it's ended, they've all gone back to live wherever else and I've not really got anyone to socialise with.

I work, but I just feel my life is too much work and not enough socialising. I basically don't go out anywhere. Sometimes at work, they all arrange a meal which I've always enjoyed, but I want to go out more. The younger lot there (all my age) invited me out on the night.

I'm a young 21 year old. People still think i'm 17! I've never touched more than a drop of alcohol, and I've always been afraid to go out. Basically because I just feel really young compared to everyone else, and I'm not used to drinking and I just felt nervous about it. They said they'd take care of me (it was a bunch of girls/guys from work). Basically, someone needed to go to hospital due to drink. No one bothered contacting me, no one answered my calls, and I was just left in the middle of town on my own. I waited around for 2 hours. I walked around to the harbour, and just sat there on my own and I'm not someone who does this, but I got teary.

I go out a lot with my camera, or on my bike, but due to people's distances from where I live, different shifts, and because not many people I know cycle, I'm always out on my own and I hate it. I want to be able to go out with people.

I get called attractive. But i'm too shy. I've never had a girlfriend. I just feel so lonely. When i'm out, I see couples walking along holding hands and stuff and I just think "I want to be like that". I've never been a confident person. What can I do? I've been invited out again by the work lot, but I just feel too worried about it all. thanks! x
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ChaoticButterfly
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Buy some beers and drink them at home one night. Then drinking will not be as intimidating as you know what to expect.

(Original post by 2scotty)
Basically, someone needed to go to hospital due to drink. No one bothered contacting me, no one answered my calls, and I was just left in the middle of town on my own. I waited around for 2 hours. I walked around to the harbour, and just sat there on my own and I'm not someone who does this, but I got teary.
I can emphasize with that. That is one of my fears :/ I only like getting properly drunk where I know where I am and can easily get home or to a friends place.
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2scotty
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(Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
Buy some beers and drink them at home one night. Then drinking will not be as intimidating as you know what to expect.



I can emphasize with that. That is one of my fears :/ I only like getting properly drunk where I know where I am and can easily get home or to a friends place.
It's just that once as well, I tried something and never liked the taste.
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superduper9
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Hey mate,

I found the transition from uni to work a little tricky too. At uni you probably were surrounded by like minded people who shared similar interests and were of the same age as you. So, it was easy to mingle, get on and have a good time with them. Once you're out of uni, you meet all sorts of people from different backgrounds, ages and with different interests etc. To click and find the right company takes a bit of time. Keeping that in mind, don't worry too much about feeling left out. Once you find the right people, you will automatically start having fun again.

On the confidence thing, you can easily work on this. About 3-4 years ago, I was never as confident as I am now. I'm not saying that I'm super confident now but definitely have made an improvement. As you talk more, meet new people, share stories and interests, you realise that there's nothing to be worried about. A simple thing I used to do was just to say what came into my head (with a little bit of filtering to take out any rude stuff). Also, don't feel pressured into doing things that you're not comfortable with. If you don't enjoy drinking, there's no necessity that you need to do it to please others.

We all get into a lonely place sometimes. But with some positive thinking and a bit of effort to meet new people, you can come out of that lonely place! Keep your head up buddy, I'm sure things will turn around!

By the way, I see you're from Bristol - that's one of favourite places in the UK!
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cole-slaw
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(Original post by 2scotty)
I'm 21. I graduated from University last year. I went to a local one. I went out a lot with them - like days out, we all had a good laugh etc, but since it's ended, they've all gone back to live wherever else and I've not really got anyone to socialise with.

I work, but I just feel my life is too much work and not enough socialising. I basically don't go out anywhere. Sometimes at work, they all arrange a meal which I've always enjoyed, but I want to go out more. The younger lot there (all my age) invited me out on the night.

I'm a young 21 year old. People still think i'm 17! I've never touched more than a drop of alcohol, and I've always been afraid to go out. Basically because I just feel really young compared to everyone else, and I'm not used to drinking and I just felt nervous about it. They said they'd take care of me (it was a bunch of girls/guys from work). Basically, someone needed to go to hospital due to drink. No one bothered contacting me, no one answered my calls, and I was just left in the middle of town on my own. I waited around for 2 hours. I walked around to the harbour, and just sat there on my own and I'm not someone who does this, but I got teary.

I go out a lot with my camera, or on my bike, but due to people's distances from where I live, different shifts, and because not many people I know cycle, I'm always out on my own and I hate it. I want to be able to go out with people.

I get called attractive. But i'm too shy. I've never had a girlfriend. I just feel so lonely. When i'm out, I see couples walking along holding hands and stuff and I just think "I want to be like that". I've never been a confident person. What can I do? I've been invited out again by the work lot, but I just feel too worried about it all. thanks! x
explains everything.
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ChaoticButterfly
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(Original post by cole-slaw)
explains everything.
No it doesn't.
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cole-slaw
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(Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
No it doesn't.


Sadly it does. There are two common reasons why someone might struggle to maintain a social life, either because they are weird or because they don't drink. Assuming OP is not weird, this is the reason he has no friends.
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ChaoticButterfly
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(Original post by cole-slaw)
Sadly it does. There are two common reasons why someone might struggle to maintain a social life, either because they are weird or because they don't drink. Assuming OP is not weird, this is the reason he has no friends.
There are plenty of ways to make friends that doesn't involve drugs. Also plenty of things to do as well.

My dad hasn't drank alcohol in donkey's years. Yet he is always going out rock climbing and other related activities with friends.

You may not be able to socialize without a pint in your hand but that doesn't mean no one else can.
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jshep000
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(Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
There are plenty of ways to make friends that doesn't involve drugs. Also plenty of things to do as well.

My dad hasn't drank alcohol in donkey's years. Yet he is always going out rock climbing and other related activities with friends.

You may not be able to socialize without a pint in your hand but that doesn't mean no one else can.
he didn't say drugs LOL. OP have faith, go out to a party and get hammered. Will be the best night of your life, then you will make friends
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ChaoticButterfly
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(Original post by jshep000)
he didn't say drugs LOL. OP have faith, go out to a party and get hammered. Will be the best night of your life, then you will make friends
alchohol is a drug you nitwit.



Also this booze obsession for making friends has elements of truth to it for young people but as you get older you can't be drinking heavily on a regular basis unless you want to develop liver damage etc.
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cole-slaw
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(Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
There are plenty of ways to make friends that doesn't involve drugs. Also plenty of things to do as well.

My dad hasn't drank alcohol in donkey's years. Yet he is always going out rock climbing and other related activities with friends.

You may not be able to socialize without a pint in your hand but that doesn't mean no one else can.
We're not talking about me, we're talking about the OP.

Your advice is therefore not only incorrect but also deeply unhelpful.

Some people say alcohol's a drug. Its not a drug, its a drink.
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ChaoticButterfly
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(Original post by cole-slaw)
We're not talking about me, we're talking about the OP.

Your advice is therefore not only incorrect but also deeply unhelpful.

Some people say alcohol's a drug. Its not a drug, its a drink.
My point is that whilst leaning to drink would be one way OP could make friends it isn't the only way (which is what you are saying).

Alcohol is a drug. A drug can be consumed via drinking it in a liquid :rolleyes:

The word "drug" is normally used causally to describe an illegal drug. Alcohol is not normally refereed to as a drug but it is one by the scientific definition of a drug. Ethanol is a psychoactive drug.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethanol
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychoactive_drug

Alcohol is a drug with all the pros and negatives it has.
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2scotty
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(Original post by cole-slaw)
Sadly it does. There are two common reasons why someone might struggle to maintain a social life, either because they are weird or because they don't drink. Assuming OP is not weird, this is the reason he has no friends.
(Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
There are plenty of ways to make friends that doesn't involve drugs. Also plenty of things to do as well.

My dad hasn't drank alcohol in donkey's years. Yet he is always going out rock climbing and other related activities with friends.

You may not be able to socialize without a pint in your hand but that doesn't mean no one else can.
Those friends I had at Uni never went out getting drunk. If they drank, they only had a quiet drink. Not the night clubbing sort. Also, I went out with 2 from school recently (a guy & a girl). We went for a meal, they had a cocktail/beer. I had cola. They said to me if I didn't want to have a drink, they wouldn't pressurise me to.

I can be a shy person, but I can be funny. You don't need to have alcohol to have a good time.
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cole-slaw
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(Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
My point is that whilst leaning to drink would be one way OP could make friends it isn't the only way (which is what you are saying).

Alcohol is a drug. A drug can be consumed via drinking it in a liquid :rolleyes:

The word "drug" is normally used causally to describe an illegal drug. Alcohol is not normally refereed to as a drug but it is one by the scientific definition of a drug. Ethanol is a psychoactive drug.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethanol
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychoactive_drug

Alcohol is a drug with all the pros and negatives it has.
A rudimentary knowledge of the works of Chris Morris should be a prerequisite of the ability to comment on TSR.

Coffee is also a drug, as is smiling.
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cole-slaw
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(Original post by 2scotty)
Those friends I had at Uni never went out getting drunk. If they drank, they only had a quiet drink. Not the night clubbing sort. Also, I went out with 2 from school recently (a guy & a girl). We went for a meal, they had a cocktail/beer. I had cola. They said to me if I didn't want to have a drink, they wouldn't pressurise me to.

I can be a shy person, but I can be funny. You don't need to have alcohol to have a good time.
Of course not. You're completely right.

But its simply an amazing coincidence the amount of people who don't drink and then complain about their social life, isn't it? What an amazing coincidence. Really amazing.
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AnharM
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OP, don't you have any school/college friends from your city that you've always been close to? I have 3 or 4 that I will always stay in contact with, and you'll make more friends if you get yourself out there. Maybe volunteer somewhere? I know you're working, but volunteering while you're not working is a good way to meet new people
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2scotty
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(Original post by cole-slaw)
Of course not. You're completely right.

But its simply an amazing coincidence the amount of people who don't drink and then complain about their social life, isn't it? What an amazing coincidence. Really amazing.
I always worry a lot about things. It's probably because when you're so pissed out your head, you won't be able to worry. That's why people who drink are less likely to have these problems.
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cole-slaw
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(Original post by 2scotty)
I always worry a lot about things. It's probably because when you're so pissed out your head, you won't be able to worry. That's why people who drink are less likely to have these problems.
Congratulations, you are figuring out how it works. So what are you going to do about it?
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2scotty
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(Original post by cole-slaw)
Congratulations, you are figuring out how it works. So what are you going to do about it?
If you are worrying about something in life, you should sort it. You don't drink alcohol to forget about it for the evening.
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cole-slaw
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(Original post by 2scotty)
If you are worrying about something in life, you should sort it. You don't drink alcohol to forget about it for the evening.
What if it can't be sorted? What if you're just a natural worrier?

You gonna spend your whole life worrying, sad, lonely, depressed, alone forever? A loser?

Or are you going to have a drink, get the **** over it, get on with your life and be a winner forever?
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