The Student Room Group

The 'Ex' problem

I have a slight dilemma on my hands. Few months ago, I was in another country, I struck up a relationship there that was fairly intensive, lasted a couple of months, and then I had to fly back to the UK. I was cut up about it, the guy was cut up about it, and I spent a little while crying, eating chocolate, and watching soppy movies in an attempt to get over it.

Lo and behold, far sooner than I thought anything would happen, the guy informs me he's got together the money to fly over and see me and my country. Yay, I think - believing myself to be in the same state over him I always was.

Several weeks of planning in, and I'm a little uneasy - I've spent two months basically getting over him, and getting under him - to be crude- just before uni, seems a bit stupid really. He's off to uni, I'm off to uni, no real chance of anything, and well... I've put all that effort and chocolate in...

Awkward conversations commence, and we discuss what the situation is, coming to the conclusion that we'll play it by ear. Not without however, references on his part to... some of the more loved-up parts of our relationship.

Anyway, he gets here, and within hours, I realise, I'm completely over him. Like him still, was always a good friend, but that's all I want. Unfortunately, he can't take a hint. Body language, the polite request not to keep pawing at me in full public view, etc, as I work out that no, I can't even fake it for a week.

To cut a long boring story short, initially, I had feelings when *HE* didn't, we discussed it, decided friendship was a nice safe option, and I buried my feelings away and got on with it, stiff upper lip and all that. Now, he thinks that to hide any semblence of the completely blatant feelings HE has, when he stated his desire not to make me uncomfortable, is fake.

I don't really know what to do. Back home, people don't constantly act all over one another all the time, and I'm a reserved person anyway. I don't like being constantly touched, particularly not in the way he chooses to. I've stated how I feel, several times, I've explained he's making me uncomfortable, and I'm being as polite as possible, while being driven mad.

Is there any way to communicate that NO, it is sometimes NOT okay to express yourself; that being selfish about your feelings is a way of making the other feel very uncomfortable.
Reply 1
Tell him to take a cold shower :biggrin:
Reply 2
I WISH it was just about sex. It's the emotional drain -_-
Reply 3
I'm sorry.

You just gotta be honest with him chick...it's not fair on you if you don't. Just tell him that you feel weirded out and that you need some space. If he cared about you he would want to see you happy.
Reply 4
And try not to wind yourself up too much about it, as you said you are both going to different uni's away from each other and so you wont see him really and nothing can happen, he will find someone at uni most likely and maybe so will you...

'Don't sweat the small stuff' LOL ... sooner rather than later he wont be around you any more, I know he's a friend but at least he wont be so 'clingy'
sometimes you just have to be blunt and be honest.