Disclosing that you are HIV positive to a potential partner.

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Poll: When to disclose your HIV status?
ASAP (40)
56.34%
A few dates in (18)
25.35%
Whenever is right for YOU (13)
18.31%
Shiroyuki
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#1
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#1
I was discussing this with friends earlier today and most of them were saying that they would like to know upfront i.e. before the first date.


However, I was actually thinking that your HIV status is your own business and you shouldn't tell people who you may or may not have intercourse with. Instead I believe that you should do it after a few dates so you can give yourself enough time to assess whether this person is worth investing and confiding in... Imagine that you tell the person that you're HIV positive on the first date and they don't receive the news very well and they eventually tell everyone without your permission.

It's also a slippery slope when you expect people to tell you their HIV status I mean why stop there why not ask for their national insurance number, their salary and GCSE grades? :lol:


Between drug therapy and protection having intercourse with a HIV positive person is not risky at all. And even if you got HIV you needn't worry because it has a better prognosis than Type 2 Diabetes.



Thoughts?
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MidnightDream
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#2
Report 7 years ago
#2
I would like to know from the get go
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member403966
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#3
Report 7 years ago
#3
You should tell the person as early on as possible. It's not fair at all on the other person. Stringing them along to think that you're a perfectly healthy individual when you are not is wrong. Imagine they were to develop feelings for the infected person, build their hopes up etc to find out they are HIV positive. Boom. Time wasted and pointlessly invested. It's selfish to not tell early on IMO. HIV infected persons should date other HIV infected persons. That's my opinion on the issue. I will not engage in any debates lol!
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Shiroyuki
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#4
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#4
(Original post by MidnightDream)
I would to know from the get go

Can you be more specific?
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Strangey
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#5
Report 7 years ago
#5
(Original post by Shiroyuki)
It's also a slippery slope when you expect people to tell you their HIV status I mean why stop there why not ask for their national insurance number, their salary and GCSE grades? :lol:
True, it's personal to the individual concerned, but your NI number, GCSEs and salaries aren't life altering diseases. Yes you can treat HIV with antivirals, but it's still something that will be with you for life. I don't think it's a topic which should be treated lightly.
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Mockery
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#6
Report 7 years ago
#6
Not telling me that she is HIV positive, nevermind any other STI, would infuriate me immensly. I'd actually have to forcefully restrain myself if she ever said that I don't need to know for 'reasons' you've stated.
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Shiroyuki
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#7
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#7
(Original post by thenewone61)
You should tell the person as early on as possible. It's not fair at all on the other person. Stringing them along to think that you're a perfectly healthy individual when you are not is wrong. Imagine they were to develop feelings for the infected person, build their hopes up etc to find out they are HIV positive. Boom. Time wasted and pointlessly invested. It's selfish to not tell early on IMO. HIV infected persons should date other HIV infected persons. That's my opinion on the issue. I will not engage in any debates lol!



Good idea. :hand:
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MidnightDream
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#8
Report 7 years ago
#8
(Original post by Shiroyuki)
Can you be more specific?
I don't think it's fair because said person having HIV would affect me as well, it's kind of a deal breaker and I'd rather not develop feelings before I'm told and strung along believing everything was fine before getting that dumped on me
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Shiroyuki
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#9
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#9
(Original post by Mockery)
Not telling me that she is HIV positive, nevermind any other STI, would infuriate me immensly. I'd actually have to forcefully restrain myself if she ever said that I don't need to know for 'reasons' you've stated.
A long term relationship it's understandable however if you haven't had intercourse yet then I'm inclined to feel like "she" can tell you whenever she feels comfortable to disclose it as long as it's before you have sex.


You can't contract the infectious HIV particles through kissing. So I don't see how it's any of your business tbh.
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alapa
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#10
Report 7 years ago
#10
Unfortunatley alot of people still believe that HIV is highly contagious and you can't contract it from kissing and touching etc. I think whatever is right for the HIV person tbh. Obviously the potential partner would like to know ASAP but this is probably a process that needs easing into. Although I imagine most people would want to know before having sex with a HIV positive person so that they can be assured that protective measures are put in place.
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Shiroyuki
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#11
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#11
(Original post by MidnightDream)
I don't think it's fair because said person having HIV would affect me as well, it's kind of a deal breaker and I'd rather not develop feelings before I'm told and strung along believing everything was fine before getting that dumped on me
Doesn't the fact that you'd fall in love with them make you more open-minded? Love conquers all.
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bertstare
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#12
Report 7 years ago
#12
(Original post by Shiroyuki)
A long term relationship it's understandable however if you haven't had intercourse yet then I'm inclined to feel like "she" can tell you whenever she feels comfortable to disclose it as long as it's before you have sex.


You can't contract the infectious HIV particles through kissing. So I don't see how it's any of your business tbh.
What if you have a cut or ulcer inside your mouth, or your gums bleed often. Then what?
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MidnightDream
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#13
Report 7 years ago
#13
(Original post by Shiroyuki)
Doesn't the fact that you'd fall in love with them make you more open-minded? Love conquers all.
No it doesn't
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~ Aquamarine ~
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#14
Report 7 years ago
#14
I would personally like to know from very early on, but i guess in reality i doubt many HIV positive people will say straight away. My mums friend has HIV and i know he only has told very close friends and family (don't think all his family even know) so can't see him being the type to tell potential partners from the beginning. I guess as long as they tell someone before they engage in sexual activity then that's fair enough, is private so no point telling someone you might not see after the first date
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alapa
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#15
Report 7 years ago
#15
(Original post by Shiroyuki)
A long term relationship it's understandable however if you haven't had intercourse yet then I'm inclined to feel like "she" can tell you whenever she feels comfortable to disclose it as long as it's before you have sex.


You can't contract the infectious HIV particles through kissing. So I don't see how it's any of your business tbh.
Agreed. There's alot of misinformation about HIV. It is not highly contagious, it is very possible to be in a long term sexual relationship with someone with HIV without contracting the condition. More people need to be made aware of this, because I imagine that a HIV person would experience alot of difficulties with potential partners running away because they don't understand the condition
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Mockery
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#16
Report 7 years ago
#16
(Original post by Shiroyuki)
A long term relationship it's understandable however if you haven't had intercourse yet then I'm inclined to feel like "she" can tell you whenever she feels comfortable to disclose it as long as it's before you have sex.


You can't contract the infectious HIV particles through kissing. So I don't see how it's any of your business tbh.
What's the point in dating then? She'd be leading me along and quite frankly, wasting my time. And what if she develops really strong feelings for me and it becomes 'impossible' to tell me through fear of losing me, or we get caught up in the moment and she doesn't mention it?

It is absolutely my right to know from the get go, and I wouldn't pursue her any further than that. The only reason she'd refrain from mentioning it is because she knows it'd be a deal breaker, which is completely misleading on her part to do so.
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Shiroyuki
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#17
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#17
(Original post by ~ Aquamarine ~)
I would personally like to know from very early on, but i guess in reality i doubt many HIV positive people will say straight away. My mums friend has HIV and i know he only has told very close friends and family (don't think all his family even know) so can't see him being the type to tell potential partners from the beginning. I guess as long as they tell someone before they engage in sexual activity then that's fair enough, is private so no point telling someone you might not see after the first date

Good post. I still maintain the notion that the HIV positive person shouldn't tell people about their status up front, a few dates in b4 sexual intercourse. Even then there's no real obligation tbh the law is very grey in this area.
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alapa
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#18
Report 7 years ago
#18
(Original post by bertstare)
What if you have a cut or ulcer inside your mouth, or your gums bleed often. Then what?
It does not matter. HIV is not transmitted through kissing. Saliva+ partners blood does not equal HIV. This is a medical FACT not an opinion. You cannot argue with it.

Unless both partners gums are bleeding heavily, note the word heavily, you will not contract HIV from kissing.

Kissing a HIV positive person is very safe. If both your mouths are bleeding like *****es then common sense comes Into play.
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Shiroyuki
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#19
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#19
(Original post by alapa)
It does not matter. HIV is not transmitted through kissing. Saliva+ partners blood does not equal HIV. This is a medical FACT not an opinion. You cannot argue with it.

Unless both partners gums are bleeding heavily, note the word heavily, you will not contract HIV from kissing.

Kissing a HIV positive person is very safe. If both your mouths are bleeding like *****es then common sense comes Into play.

He is right ulcers and bleeding gums make contraction very likely. However most people don't have bleeding gums and open sores in their mouths so his point is a moot one.
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drewBusby
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#20
Report 7 years ago
#20
Would never date someone with HIV. Not investing time on a biological time bomb.
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