friendships with the opposite sex when in a relationship..

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Pretty Boy

I agree with you completely. But the original point was that the OP didn't understand why the b/f might get be upset/jealous. I was simply pointing out why that might be the case.

But you then went on to say that you'd agree with him wanting her not to see them. What kind of trust level do you have in girls if you think that little of someone you're in a relationship with?

Reply 41

high priestess fnord

Pretty Boy

No, I'm saying those are the reasons the majority of guys don't make a move. Either that or he's genuinely not attracted to the girl cos shes not attractive or
hes already got a girl.

Thats my view. I know you might like to live in a fantasyland whereby your male friends dont consider you in that way from time to time but thats my view (as a guy).

Going by your persistent personal attacks, it would seem you are the only hater here.

ok so your saying either the woman is unattractive or hes not a 'real man'. how does that make it any better?

yes men may think about it but anyone with morals will just leave it at that.

as the the 'personal insults' i havnt said anything you havnt. if your going to say that all men are bastards and you know because you happen to be one, im going to make judgements on you based on what your saying about yourself. is this suprising to you?

Reply 42

foxiroxi

My boyfriend isn't happy about it but he can't say anything as his best friend is a girl...I'm perfectly happy because I trust him and she lives in another country :smile:

Reply 43

Helenia

Pretty Boy

I didn't say I agreed, I said I could understand where he was coming from and wouldn't be comfortable with the situation.

Would you be comfortable with your b/f hangin with a group of girls who were potentially attracted to him? You might be ok with it but surely not entirely comfortable.

I would say thats the kind of sacrifice you make for a partner, if one can't make this sacrifice then maybe its time to split up.

It wouldnt be so much that I didnt trust the girl, more that I didn't trust the guys.

Sure, I'm not entirely comfortable with it, but I know that there's a reason he's with me and not with them (when it would be far more convenient to be with them) and so I'm not going to prevent him from seeing them. In fact, I know most of his female friends and think they're great, regardless of whether they're attracted to him. If they are, they have good taste!

I think that any man who was insecure enough to demand that I stopped seeing my male friends (which would effectively split my friendship group in two) would not be worth the sacrifice. Any man who was worth it, wouldn't demand it in the first place.

Reply 44

high priestess fnord

Pretty Boy

i dont care if they obviously fancy the pants off him. *i trust him* and since it takes two people to cheat im not worried. i expect him to trust me back.

Reply 45

theonehitwonder

2 years? Geez.... if he is still jealous now, you should reconsider your relations with this guy.

Reply 46

Helenia

Pretty Boy

I see your point and its a good one which is well made.

But I would contend that a male is much more likely to make a move than a female in the OP's situation. That is, a guy is more likely to actively try it on and take things further than a girl might be, by way of their role in nature. Plus they think about it much more often than girls.

Worth splitting up over? Well if the guy can't handle it and the girl's friends are that important, then they prolly should. Disagree?

Even if a male friend is more likely to try it on with an attached female than vice versa, it doesn't mean anything! It would make for an awkward moment in their friendship, yes, it doesn't mean that the girl is suddenly going to decide she'd rather be with her friend than her boyfriend. If girls go out clubbing, they're going to get hit on, but strangely enough most of us manage to stay faithful.

If a man was weak enough to be unable to handle his girlfriend not literally wanting him to be the only man in her life, then it probably should end, but it would be his fault for being that possessive, not hers for wanting to keep her friends.

Reply 47

high priestess fnord

Pretty Boy

since when would you know what a girl was thinking? unless your some kind of mind reader.

Reply 48

Helenia

Pretty Boy

Still, surely you can understand the guys worry. I mean, if your girlfriends hangin with a bunch of guys who would happily try to get with her.

I guess its an issue of trust. There are some girls who I'd trust not to do anything with a thousand guys to choose from. But unfortunately the girls which a guy might be attracted to are not always the most trustworthy.

For starters - have a little more trust in your (hypothetical) girlfriend's choice of friends. She might strangely like men who (even if they want to) don't try to get in her pants at the first opportunity.

Secondly, if you can't pick the right girls to trust to have a relationship with, that's hardly our problem.

Reply 49

Helenia

Pretty Boy

You make it seem like I'm the only guy that can empathise with the OP's boyfriends point of view. I would contend that this is a pretty common problem in relationships and that both sides of the equation need to be looked at and understood with neither being wholly dismissed.

You're the only one currently claiming that viewpoint.

If either side of a relationship has jealousy issues, certainly they need to be addressed. Similarly, if either side is routinely choosing their friends over their partner, that could be a problem. But that's not what the OP said the situation was - it would be unreasonable to prevent your partner seeing people who they just have normal happy friendships with.

Reply 50

jonnyq

gay, not attracted to you, or wanting to dig you out. pick one

in most cases it is the latter, but that does not make them any less/more of a friend
this is what makes your boyfriend uncomfortable

personally i wouldn't be bothers unless you were spending A LOT of time with your male friends