Anybody else not planning to keep in touch? Watch

paintedblind
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#1
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Since finishing my A-levels, I've pretty much decided to cut myself off from the friendships I've been cultivating for the past seven years. Over the past two years especially, I've just drifted away from everyone, and have viewed the friendships more as friendships of convenience than as important to me. However, my family seem to be reacting to this news with surprise, telling me that I'm being silly and criticising my decision.

So, my question is: does anyone else view the end of A-levels not as a dreadful time when you're cut away from your friends involuntarily, but as a chance to move on from friendships that don't mean very much any longer?
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Bubblebee
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It is very cold and clinical to just 'decide' that you do not want to be friends with these people anymore. I feel it is quite disgusting and hope that you go to university with that attitude and attempt to make friends.

And especially since you just decided to 'announce' this desicion. People like you are rediculous and need to be lonely.
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*loobylou*
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It is a time when you can drift apart if want but although you may see these friendships as conveince rather then true friendships the other person may not and if you sever ties you may well hurt someone.

Also holidays are a lot longer when at uni and if you don't have friends at home, summer etc may seem like a long and lonely time.
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Sazarina88
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The problem that people have when you tell them you're not going to keep in contact with your friends is that they think that because you've known them for so long, you're kinda obliged to do so.

What they don't realise is that people do naturally drift apart from each other - attitudes and hobbies change, our lives go in different directions.

It's no big deal. I'm planning on keeping in touch with 3 or perhaps 4 of my friends from A-Levels. The others I will say "hi" to if I see them in the street, that kinda thing, but I know they're not particularly bothered about keeping in touch either.

I don't see it as a dreadful time at all. Some doors in my life have closed and others are just about to open.
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Sazarina88
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(Original post by Bubblebee)
It is very cold and clinical to just 'decide' that you do not want to be friends with these people anymore. I feel it is quite disgusting and hope that you go to university with that attitude and attempt to make friends.

And especially since you just decided to 'announce' this desicion. People like you are rediculous and need to be lonely.
What's the point of the OP keeping relationships they see as convenience friendships? Friendships where MSN conversations go no further than:

"Hi"
"Hey"
"How are you?"
"Fine thanks, you?"
"I'm good."
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Bubblebee
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(Original post by Pretty Boy)
I think you're being very harsh. I'm sure this girl has her own reasons.
It is fine to say that you have drifted apart from your mates and keeping in touch probably won't happen however this girl has actively decided to cull her friendships... pathetic.
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El Stevo
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meh. just take it as it comes. if they speak to you or try to keep in touch - don't just ignore them- thats just plain rude. and don't "not talk" to them out of spite. i'm not saying you have necessarily make an effort to talk/keep in touch, but let be whatever will be - some people will drift away, others you may become closer to. but its a tad harsh to just cut all ties.
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lukeitfc
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If there's one thing i've learnt in my so far short life. It's never get too attatched to anyone who has no part to play in your life. Sad, but works for me,
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El Stevo
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(Original post by Bubblebee)
It is fine to say that you have drifted apart from your mates and keeping in touch probably won't happen however this girl has actively decided to cull her friendships... pathetic.
meh, not necessarily. times change. i personally wouldnt do it, but i can see why some people would want to.
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*loobylou*
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I agree with Sazarina88 you will naturally drift apart from your friends at uni and like most people you'll prob only stay in touch with a few.

But consider your friends as they may not feel you are drifting apart and it would cruel to just stop speaking to them.
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Sasuke!
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dude thats not they way to think, if you are going to be like that at least do not make it look intentional, i mean there are a few people i know that i will not contact, but ill propably let them cell me to be honest, i mean the closest people i need are with me, ill probably stay with them for ages. stuff like drifint apart natuarally happens, its inevitable and people will begin to make new friends.
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lukeitfc
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(Original post by Pretty Boy)
I agree. Moreover, a lot of friends ae saliently competitive and may have a desire to see you not succeed.

Haha...great choice of words carried acroos so elegantly. Remind me to rep you!

You see, anyone I keep in touch with, should be honoured, as they are special to me, there are 5 or 6 who I will actively keep in touch with, the rest can ***** off.
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hjfghjv
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...
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paintedblind
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#14
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(Original post by Bubblebee)
It is very cold and clinical to just 'decide' that you do not want to be friends with these people anymore. I feel it is quite disgusting and hope that you go to university with that attitude and attempt to make friends.

And especially since you just decided to 'announce' this desicion. People like you are rediculous and need to be lonely.
I haven't 'just decided' that I don't want to keep in touch; as I said, the relationships have been drifting apart for quite a while now, and for several months they've basically consisted of eating lunch together. I don't have very much in common with most of them, both because of our interests and our viewpoints, and I feel that the friendships have been stretched as far as possible already. Besides that, there seems to be very little expectation on either side: since leaving school, the most contact I've had from these people was in the form of one phonecall on my birthday. I do not view these friendships 'clinically', as you put it, without good reason; I know that there isn't a lot of affection on either side any more, and I don't want to continue with friendships for the sake of it.

As for going to university with this attitude, I actually intend to make better, more worthwhile friendships at university, hopefully befriending people with whom I feel I can have a proper conversation. I haven't always seen these friendships as inevitably ending- for several years I was very close to this group of people- but now, to keep in touch would simply be to delay the inevitable.

Also, for your information, I did not just decide to 'announce' the decision. This wasn't an announcement; I was asking if there were other people who weren't planning to keep in touch either, as the vast majority of people who've just got their A-level results seem to have very much kept in touch, if you're going by all the posts about going out with their friends afterwards.

Thank you for your unreserved criticisms. However, partly due to the ill-mannered and thoughtless way in which you presented them, I haven't taken them to heart.
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Ron Stoppable
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(Original post by Sazarina88)
What's the point of the OP keeping relationships they see as convenience friendships? Friendships where MSN conversations go no further than:

"Hi"
"Hey"
"How are you?"
"Fine thanks, you?"
"I'm good."
So people can execute a 2-step plan:
1 - Block
2 - Delete
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rosetinted
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I've found it a fairly natural process to drift in and out of my friend's lives over the past few years since leaving 6th form. Priorities change, people change and there is nothing wrong with that. Better to let things go than pursue a false friendship. When you go to uni, go travelling, get a full time job or have some other big change, you naturally develop and change as a person. Part of this change is sometimes a change of people you hang out with.

I met up with an old friend of mine the other week to spend some time together. Turned out it was awkward and a lot of effort because we are totally different now. I certainly won't bother to spend more time with her because it's not enjoyable any more for either of us. Nothing wrong with being realistic.

Oh and bubblebee it's more "rediculous" to be fake and pretend people matter to you when they don't.
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paintedblind
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(Original post by El Chueco)
meh. just take it as it comes. if they speak to you or try to keep in touch - don't just ignore them- thats just plain rude. and don't "not talk" to them out of spite. i'm not saying you have necessarily make an effort to talk/keep in touch, but let be whatever will be - some people will drift away, others you may become closer to. but its a tad harsh to just cut all ties.
I wouldn't actively ignore anybody- if anybody emailed or called me, I certainly would make an effort to keep up a conversation, and I wouldn't just ignore it without extremely good reason. I'm just saying that I'm not going to make contact with anybody myself, and although I spoke to a few people at Results Day, and everybody was perfectly friendly, there was no particular camaraderie there.
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CogitoErgoSum
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(Original post by rosetinted)
I've found it a fairly natural process to drift in and out of my friend's lives over the past few years since leaving 6th form. Priorities change, people change and there is nothing wrong with that. Better to let things go than pursue a false friendship. When you go to uni, go travelling, get a full time job or have some other big change, you naturally develop and change as a person. Part of this change is sometimes a change of people you hang out with.

I met up with an old friend of mine the other week to spend some time together. Turned out it was awkward and a lot of effort because we are totally different now. I certainly won't bother to spend more time with her because it's not enjoyable any more for either of us. Nothing wrong with being realistic.

Oh and bubblebee it's more "rediculous" to be fake and pretend people matter to you when they don't.

Good post!

i agree with all of that. friendships are something you are allowed to pick and choose, for a reason. nobody needs to keep in touch with people they dont consider "true friends" and im sure that if you are feeling like youve drifted apart from someone, the other person wont be utterly oblivious to it.
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khil
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#19
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I kept in touch with the few that were precious to me - those friends whom I am actually close with or can see myself becoming close with. I still have like 6 close friends whom I keep in contact with. However the rest, I had just not contacted in an attempt to move away from those friendships cus I only ever invited them to things cus we're in a group and it's simple courtesy to invite them as well. However I do make an effort to keep in touch with them as well if they show a desire to stay friends, as two of them have, so those two I've actively sometimes said let's meet up.

Just be sure not to lose touch with those who really see you as a friend. Those people, even if you're not as close to them as they are to you, keep in touch with them as a little courtesy and just to value the fact that you have a friendship in them, even if they're closer to you than vice versa. And if those whom you wanted to lose touch with actively seeks you out, then they show a desire to stay friends, so it's worth keeping.
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paintedblind
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(Original post by irisng)
I kept in touch with the few that were precious to me - those friends whom I am actually close with or can see myself becoming close with. I still have like 6 close friends whom I keep in contact with. However the rest, I had just not contacted in an attempt to move away from those friendships cus I only ever invited them to things cus we're in a group and it's simple courtesy to invite them as well. However I do make an effort to keep in touch with them as well if they show a desire to stay friends, as two of them have, so those two I've actively sometimes said let's meet up.

Just be sure not to lose touch with those who really see you as a friend. Those people, even if you're not as close to them as they are to you, keep in touch with them as a little courtesy and just to value the fact that you have a friendship in them, even if they're closer to you than vice versa. And if those whom you wanted to lose touch with actively seeks you out, then they show a desire to stay friends, so it's worth keeping.
I unreservedly agree: if (almost) any of my old friends tried to get back in touch with me, even if I hadn't seen them for years, I wouldn't just ignore them callously. I certainly don't dislike any of these people; I just don't see it as necessary to keep up with a friendship when neither party involved seems to have a vested interest in it. I wouldn't necessarily spend time with them every weekend and attempt a conversation every night on AIM (Sazarina88's example seems very apt here, except possibly with a lot more netspeak), but I would try to keep up some sort of correspondence, even if it wasn't awfully frequent.
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