What will you be doing over the Easter break? >>

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feeling desperate and awful

sarah1987

Hi, I haven't used this forum for a while but I just need to write stuff down and would be nice to get advice from people other than my mother!

To put it as briefly as I can, I feel incredibly confused. I have been with my BF for 2.5 years, I love him and he loves me, we have made it thru some problems but things are great. And yet, I feel extremely anxious, depressed and mixed up. Sometimes I doubt whether I love him. I get into these down moods, they can even be triggered by hearing a song about breaking up, or thinking of friends whose relationships didn't work. When I get into these moods (like I am in right now!) I am on the verge of tears, I can't eat, have no sex drive, I can't concentrate, and worst of all I can't feel love. I sometimes have panic attacks, or just feel like running far away.

Thing is, I KNOW after a couple of hours to a day, I'll feel normal again, I will feel loving etc. But every time I'm in this mood, I feel like it will never end. Last night I nearly broke up with my boyfriend because I think I've convinced myself that I feel so anxious and terrible because I don't love him. But I do! And there is the confusion.

I am trying to explain it away as such - my friends are all over the country, I'm looking unsuccessfully for a job, so I'm pretty bored and lonely. Normally in our relationship, we don't get to spend enough time together, so I miss him a lot and I suppose I've always taken that as part of love. Recently, since I'm so bored and lonely, he's been really really sweet (maybe too sweet?) spending loads of time with me. So I thought maybe it's just that I need a little more space, so from this afternoon, I'm not seeing him til Wednesday. But I'm so so frightened that this little break won't change anything. It's like I cannot bear the thought of life without him, yet I don't feel the usual joy of life with him.

My plan of action is to see my CPN (community psychiatric nurse) but my appointment isn't til 5 September and I need help now! It doesn't help that my family's gone away for the weekend and none of my friends are around so I'm pretty alone :frown:

Any advice would be greatly appreciated thanks.

Reply 1

username47781

it sounds like you are suffering from a mild case of depression, i would consider speaking to a doctor, or maybe if you've not told your boyfriend maybe if you trust him alot maybe tell him and get it off your chest, i'm wondering if theres like an emergency hotline you can call, but your problem definiatly sounds like depression or maybe if you've depression in the past it's come back again.

Reply 2

sarah1987

I have told my boyfriend, I actually felt like this once a couple of months ago and didn't tell him, which gave me panic attacks until I told him. But that time the worries just disappeared. This time I've told him it all. He's such an adult compared to me! He said I should do whatever makes me happy, even if that means breaking up.

I do think maybe I am depressed and I hope the CPN can help. I just feel so terrible. I can't even manage to distract myself. I just want some help right now!

Another thing I realised I missed out in the first post is that I'm terrified that I'm more friends with my boyfriend than in love. The past few days I just haven't felt the same passion. Whenever I lift out a mood, I instantly start worrying when I'm laughing and joking with him. I suppose I'm normally pretty needy and I don't feel that same 'need' at the moment. I feel 'friendly' towards him. Agh I'm so confused. Does anyone else have any advice? I guess what I really want to hear is that this is normal, or it will pass at least, and that I do love him and it will work out and my feelings will return.

Reply 3

username47781

Well first of all your very brave for not being anonomyous, secondly sooner you can find some help it will be better for you and probably for your boyfriend, but you will probably need him, he seems very supportive and loyal so take that in account, you may end being put on some anti-depressant pills, but i think for sure in cases like this your feelings for your boyfriend should return.

Reply 4

*loobylou*

To me as well it sounds as though you may have mild depression maybe bipolar where you switch moods, being high at one moment then low the next. Your boyfriend obviously wants to put you first and ti sounds he'd definately be there for you whatever you wanted.

Maybe you have more friendly feeling because you have beeen with each other for a fair amount of time and your just that comfortable with each other that your friends as well as boyfriend and girlfriend. Maybe a few days without seeing him like you are doing will help you realise that you do still love him and it's related to your moods. I think like Carl1982 your feeling will return.

Reply 5

*loobylou*

Is there no one else you can contact in the mean time until family and friends return?

Reply 6

sahsum

Don't rush into any decisions. If your BF is so understanding he probably wouldn't mind greatly if you took a bit of a break, say about a month or something? If you miss him terribly you'll know you do love him and might even get over these low spells for good.

Reply 7

lilac!!

okay i'm the the same situation as you!! if feel like always! infact i was feeling like that this morning :frown:

but what helps me is i always think of what my bf has done for me and what i have done for him! it always puts a smile on my face also i think of when we just like each other and didnt go out! its so stupid of the things we used to do, i think you should just think about the past and how far you have come in the years and then question youself if u still love him or not, like u said you had problems however came out of them, if u didnt love him that would have not been possible!! :smile:

i hope that helped because thats how it helps me most of the time :biggrin:

Reply 8

*loobylou*

I must be leaving but i hope evrything works out for you and the nurse is of help. Your boyfriend definately will be there for you whatever, just give yourself some you time, it may help your moods and sort out these feelings ( which are probably realted to your moods).

Reply 9

high priestess fnord

it sounds like you need some time away. do you have mates who you could arrange a weekend with? if so put some time into sorting out something really fun, put some money together and make it special. you will have something to take your mind off it for now and it will give you time to realise how much you miss him when he isnt there!

Reply 10

sarah1987

Thanks for your posts everyone it's really nice to hear from people who care. My sister is around but she's gone out for the evening so I'm feeling all alone. I have been crying for an hour now! I hate it. I want to talk to someone, but the only 24 hour line is Samaritans. And I volunteer for them and I know exactly what they'll say and that they can't advise me. I just feel so low.

I do have plans, like I'm going down to see my friend in York next weekend. But when I feel like this, each day feels like it lasts forever. So the 2 and a half weeks til my CPN appointment seems a very long time.

I was considering a break from by BF but I'm scared. It's like there is 2 sides of me - one side wants to try a break, see what happens. The other side can't bear it, the fear of what might happen, the prospect of not seeing him for a long time. I feel like screaming!

Thankyou all again its so good to have something positive to read. xxx

Reply 11

username47781

I would say a break from your boyfriend would make you much worse, why don't he come round and give you some company

Reply 12

sarah1987

He works full time and has his own life, plus to be honest I don't think spending time with him is helping. I really hope that the main problem is just that we've been spending too much time together. We've been together every day and most nights for a week. That's a lot more than usual. So I need to be with other people for a bit to see if that helps. I hope a break doesn't make me worse! :eek:

Reply 13

username47781

well from experience the chances are it will make you a whole lot worse but maybe just try and see him a couple of times a week see how it goes, not quite a break but just at a little less intensity

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Hi there.

What advice are you seeking exactly? It's not like anyone here knows you or your boyfriend, and is thus something you must resolve together.

A relationship within this age bracket should not be something that produces the negative emotions you are experiencing. If a relationship is your main concern, I would contemplate taking up other activities that may interest you and take your mind off such matters.

Reply 15

NViasko

Didn't mean to post that as anonymous. ^

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