Feeling down

Never had a gf before....I am 22 yrs old, still a virgin...

I am not embarassed by my virginity. Though what bothers me is I just can't to seem to find someone that is interested in me, like i am interested in them. I'm getting old! :smile:

Yes, before anyone asks; I do make an effort. I groom myself, and am off average weight. What frustrates me is that I do get attention from girls if I am walking down the street or walking around uni. Like they would look and then when I look at them, they would quickly turn their heads away and sometimes start playing with their hair. From what I have read - this seems to be a good sign. However when I approach a girl, after seeing them consistantly making eye contact etc. It gets very ackward. Like, for example, they would either a) give me one worded answers in order to kill the convo, b) give me the impression that they are not interested and want me to f off or c)Look for every opportunity to get away (happens when a friend arrives). I mean, I am by no means pervy like I would just ask them the usual set of questions to initiate a convo "soo what are you studying" etc etc.

This has led me to develop a very very low self-esteem of late. Like , now I just look for flaws in my physically apparence as an only way to justify why I do get attention. Maybe they thought "ohhh this guy is a complete minger", but then I know it just cant be that bad. I mean I have no real disfigurements or anything, and have been complimented by female mates when I least expect it :confused:

Plus there are so many mingers out there in relationships so I don't know what I am doing so wrong to deserve this.

I am beginning to believe that I will be a virgin for the rest of my days. I have lost hope. This is actually turning me into somethign very bitter, because I am envious of those people that have it so easy on this front , but for no apprant reason. I am considering seeing a counciller, because my confidence and self-esteem is very low at the moment and it does affect me in some ways, as I feel that I have little worth and not worthy of someone.

Thanks.

Reply 1

username47781

20

there is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 22, you'll probably find a girl when your not looking, but for reassurance see this thread http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?p=5627100#post5627100

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Carl1982

there is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 22, you'll probably find a girl when your not looking, but for reassurance see this thread http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?p=5627100#post5627100

Its not really about virginity that bothers me.. Its the lack of companionship that bothers me, I am just as good personality wise as the next guy, yet for some reason that deludes me I am given attention; but then overlooked. It's bad on the morale.

Go for uglier girls.

OP

poltroon

Go for uglier girls.

Did that at one point, swollowed my pride, grabbed my bulls and got rejected then too.... - you see my predicament?

Reply 5

poltroon

Then ask your best female friend what she perceives the problem to be.

I have an idea: girls like to laugh, are you a conversationalist?

Reply 6

username47781

20

maybe your being too forward a relationship starts as a friendship you gotta take it step by step

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

poltroon

Then ask your best female friend what she perceives the problem to be.

I have an idea: girls like to laugh, are you a conversationalist?

Asked my best female friend already:

She said nothing is wrong with me, and that I am a wonderful guy, good looking etc etc

Yes I have a sense of humour.

Ok I can be a bit shy initially, but once I get talking, I talk. I find things to talk about - ask open ended questions. Thus I have friends male/female, I can make them laugh...The problem lies if I show them interest in that way, they get all ackward. Thing is tho , I don't just approach any old random girl, I do look for signs, eye contact etc.

Reply 8

thePhantom

2

ask your mates both male and female - they will either reassure you that your a complete legend, or give you constuctive criticism, and you can fix whatever is wrong, if anything ...

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Carl1982

maybe your being too forward a relationship starts as a friendship you gotta take it step by step

Yeah maybe your right mate.

Though, I have recognised the problem I have with women are with strangers rather then girls I meet through mates. In addition, even the girls I have met through mates, they are probably not interested me (yet I am being passive not forward).

Reply 10

generalebriety

16

Maybe you're just looking in the wrong place. I assume you're at uni? Get away from your own college/hall/local pub and meet some different girls. Little societies can build up with their own collective attitudes and it may be possible that just no one there fancies you.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

thePhantom

ask your mates both male and female - they will either reassure you that your a complete legend, or give you constuctive criticism, and you can fix whatever is wrong, if anything ...

I've asked loads of my mates.

They just say that I lack confidence but I am a good looking guy. But then when I try to be confident, like by approaching girls and being friendly, the above happens....

I just dont understand it. Somebody has to be lying. I just get the impression that they might be saying the above out of pitty, but then at the same time, if I do get girl look at me, its like - :confused:

I am well liked by friends. Seems as though most of my female friends wont consider being with me....Yet like me a lot as a person

Reply 12

poltroon

Anonymous

Asked my best female friend already:

She said nothing is wrong with me, and that I am a wonderful guy, good looking etc etc

Yes I have a sense of humour.

Ok I can be a bit shy initially, but once I get talking, I talk. I find things to talk about - ask open ended questions. Thus I have friends male/female, I can make them laugh...The problem lies if I show them interest in that way, they get all ackward. Thing is tho , I don't just approach any old random girl, I do look for signs, eye contact etc.

I see. Then my advice would be to make the most of your life and try not to focus so much on this 'problem'. Try to put things into perspective, you've managed your life so far without a girfriend so why should you need one now? If you are really determined then I would recommend taking exercise, getting more involved socially, and behaving in a less self-effacing manner. Just keep doing what you're doing but make a few changes that might help tip the balance in your favour.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

generalebriety

Maybe you're just looking in the wrong place. I assume you're at uni? Get away from your own college/hall/local pub and meet some different girls. Little societies can build up with their own collective attitudes and it may be possible that just no one there fancies you.

Even back home away from uni, it is just as dire on the female front...

Reply 14

=Keith=

3

Relax, dont go "hunt" for girls.. the right one will come your way

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

poltroon

I see. Then my advice would be to make the most of your life and try not to focus so much on this 'problem'. Try to put things into perspective, you've managed your life so far without a girfriend so why should you need one now? If you are really determined then I would recommend taking exercise, getting more involved socially, and behaving in a less self-effacing manner. Just keep doing what you're doing but make a few changes that might help tip the balance in your favour.

Yeah I agree. But a man gets lonely, plus I feel that I am at that age where I want to experience a relationship.

I really cant see things changing on that front at this rate. Twenty-Two years is a long time, and I bet that the majority of people on TSR have been at least in one relationship by then.

Reply 16

Unity

2

Shoot me a PM. I've got some ideas that you can think about.

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

usman_s

Relax, dont go "hunt" for girls.. the right one will come your way

I see.

But this is the thing. I have tried that approach already. Yet I have had no luck. So, I have decided to put matters in my own hand, by making an effort, rather then sitting their and waiting for a girl to magically appear out of nowhere. Again, this has got me nowhere. :frown: