The Student Room Group

Should I tell him?

Ok, i broke up with my ex about 9/10 months ago and am with a great new guy, but i have been trying this friends thing with my ex and everytime i see him my old feelings emerge. Its not exactly like it used to be where i really loved him and wanted to be with him 24/7, its just when i am with him i really fancy him like crazy. Its mad, my feelings for him don't bother me at all uless i am with him. We both know that nothing is gonna happen between us cos despite fancying my ex i refuse to be unfaithful to my new boyfriend, although i have had the tendency to let him steal a kiss now and then, but i just believe he should know how i feel, cos its driving me crazy. I was thinking either telling him next time i see him or writing him a letter when i get back to college where he can't get to me. What do you guys think about this? Should i tell him my feelings and how? Or should i just leave it? Apart from the feelings the friendship is going really well, he is a much better friend than he was boyfriend and i don't wanna just stop trying to be friends, but i do wann stop fancying him before i cave in do something stupid.

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Reply 1
Clearly what you have isn't just friendship, especially as you keep cheating on your boyfriend with him (yes, kissing is cheating :rolleyes:). I think you should stop seeing him. From your last line, "but i do wann stop fancying him before i cave in do something stupid", surely you've answered your own question. If you don't stop seeing him, you will do that something stupid. To be honest, if you're contemplating continuing cheating on your boyfriend, you should let the poor guy go anyway, before he gets really hurt. He doesn't deserve for you to treat him the way you are.
Reply 2
You obviously prefer your ex or you wouldnt even think of cheating on ur current BF. Alternatively DONT SEE UR EX - its the most obvious answer dear.
Reply 3
imagine if you were the new boyfriend right now? ****in naive **** needs to get the **** out of the relationship; why do girls have to do this to guys? why? i love you becca x
Make ur mind up woman!
Reply 5
You need to remind yourself why you broke up with him in the first place, you said hes a much better mate than boyfriend so why risk throwing that away.
Your purely fantasising because you fancy him and hes obviously a better catch as a friend.
But you are with a great guy whos clearly alot better boyfriend material so why risk throwing that away over a phase which is going to fizzle out sooner or later
Clearly something ain't right in your relationship if your stealing a kiss of your ex, this is why you should not try the friends thing with your ex because things like this happen, you must either stop seeing your ex cut all contact, or ditch your boyfriend and if you do i hope he finds someone better who appreciates him more, but if your going back with your ex ditch your boyfriend or you will lose both because how would you like it if it happened to you.
Reply 7
Thanks to everyone for telling me what a bitch i am... NEWSFLASH 'I KNOW,OK?'

But what no one has done is told me whether or not i should tell him. I am going back to college in a couple of weeks and will probably not get the chance to see him much again because i am not planning to come home for long if at all during any holidays i get and he is going to uni too, so basically it is likely that the whole ex thing will blow over soon enough when i am back seeing my boyf everyday. I just need to know what to do for now, just for piece of mind.

So i can do without the whole 'your boyf deserves someone better' and 'you obviously don't care about him' and 'he can find someone who appreciates him more' s**t.

So leave all that at the door and just try and be helpful.
Reply 8
Anonymous
Ok, i broke up with my ex about 9/10 months ago and am with a great new guy, but i have been trying this friends thing with my ex and everytime i see him my old feelings emerge. Its not exactly like it used to be where i really loved him and wanted to be with him 24/7, its just when i am with him i really fancy him like crazy. Its mad, my feelings for him don't bother me at all uless i am with him. We both know that nothing is gonna happen between us cos despite fancying my ex i refuse to be unfaithful to my new boyfriend, although i have had the tendency to let him steal a kiss now and then, but i just believe he should know how i feel, cos its driving me crazy. I was thinking either telling him next time i see him or writing him a letter when i get back to college where he can't get to me. What do you guys think about this? Should i tell him my feelings and how? Or should i just leave it? Apart from the feelings the friendship is going really well, he is a much better friend than he was boyfriend and i don't wanna just stop trying to be friends, but i do wann stop fancying him before i cave in do something stupid.


Is it christmas already? Ho Ho Ho. Stop cheating on your boyfriend. You cant have a relationship with how you feel about your ex. Break up with your boyfriend, then tell your ex how you feel.
Kissing is cheating in my eyes! Aka being unfaithful.

Kissing someone else is betraying the heart of your partner. Unless he's okay with that, because cheating is subjective. But I doubt he is, have you told your boyfriend about these 'stolen kisses'?

Sorry, but I think you should break up from current beau and not have someone else either til you're over your ex or back with him. You probably deserve each other.
Sam Beckett
.


Your alive! Thought you got lost in that quantum ****.
Focks sake, don't tell him and don't see him!

And frankly, if I found my girl kissing her ex, I'd bitchslap them both into oblivion :smile:
well if you don't want him to dump you then don't tell him but if you do tell him he will almost certainly ditch you for someone better
LOL i read the title and thought you were gona say you were pregnant or somethin but never mind. Just make your mind up its unfair on both if you keep switching.
Reply 14
Cow. You can't have your cake and eat it.

Now that's out of the way I can try to empathise with someone in the most awful position of having to choose between two blokes. Much easier to have no one isn't it, less guilt tugging on those heart strings. Leave your boyfriend to find someone better. It seems your ex knows you're in another relationship, in which case he's a scumbag too. I hope your boyfriend decides you're welcome to each other.

And to everyone else, this is why you should never be friends with an ex.
Juwel
Cow. You can't have your cake and eat it.

Now that's out of the way I can try to empathise with someone in the most awful position of having to choose between two blokes. Much easier to have no one isn't it, less guilt tugging on those heart strings. Leave your boyfriend to find someone better. It seems your ex knows you're in another relationship, in which case he's a scumbag too. I hope your boyfriend decides you're welcome to each other.

And to everyone else, this is why you should never be friends with an ex.



Had a bad experience then?
Reply 16
Anonymous
Thanks to everyone for telling me what a bitch i am... NEWSFLASH 'I KNOW,OK?'

But what no one has done is told me whether or not i should tell him



Of course don't tell him!? Whats the point? For him to turn round and say great me too lets get back together?
Juwel
this is why you should never be friends with an ex.


Spot on your absolutely right, 9 times out of 10 if you stay friends with your ex and get a new partner, its almost certainly asking for trouble.
Reply 18
Michelin Man
Had a bad experience then?


No, I just think it's bloody out of order.
Reply 19
Anonymous
Thanks to everyone for telling me what a bitch i am... NEWSFLASH 'I KNOW,OK?'

But what no one has done is told me whether or not i should tell him. I am going back to college in a couple of weeks and will probably not get the chance to see him much again because i am not planning to come home for long if at all during any holidays i get and he is going to uni too, so basically it is likely that the whole ex thing will blow over soon enough when i am back seeing my boyf everyday. I just need to know what to do for now, just for piece of mind.

So i can do without the whole 'your boyf deserves someone better' and 'you obviously don't care about him' and 'he can find someone who appreciates him more' s**t.

So leave all that at the door and just try and be helpful.


What?
You obviously don't know, if you think that "stealing a kiss every now and then" isn't cheating. Tell him if you like, it seems you're not that bothered but you want people here to ease your conscience. I feel sorry for your boyfriend. It's hard enough when a partner remains close to their ex, but that close? Jeez....