I'm jealous

this is just one problem out of many in my life right now but i figure that if I solve it then I will have more time to think about stuff that actually matters.

basically I really really like/liked my friend (im not even sure how i feel about him now because my head is all over the place) there was a lot of confusion and everything between us, and basically we decided (well he did, I just went along with it) that it would be for the best if nothing ever happened, (even though we both liked each other) there were loads of reasons and they were all very valid, but i wont bore you with them now, and I did agree that it was definitely for the best.
So this was about a month ago and I tried my very hardest to get over him, I keep on thinking I have, but then I see him again and get all confused.
I managed to not see him for a good 2 weeks and declared myself "over him" last night after I realised I hadnt thought about him for ages. Then, when he turned up at the party I was like "yeah I have no feelings left for him" but then he started talking to a girl I had never seen before (this was one of my best firends parties, so i thought i would have known everyone) and she was trying it on with him A LOT, he wasnt really respnding to it, but his personality is very flirty and friendly I can imagine she may have misjudged his personality.
I was upset anyway becuase of results uni and stuff like that, but I just couldn't stand it and went and sat on my own for a long time whilst trying not to cry.
This is the problem, I don't know how to stop myself from being jealous of other girls even when I know I can never have him. A lot of people fancy him and becuase he is so friendly to everyone I just get so jealous of all these other girls that he's having fun with.
Fair enough he saw me sitting alone and left this girl on her own came over and forced me to dance with him becuase he told me it would make me feel better. I just felt so bad lying and saying I was only upset about other stuff.
It's like I'm a bunny boiler, but hes not even myn, so in reality do I have any right to get upset about him being with other girls?

I dno if i even need advice, i just needed to write that all down, sorry for the longness

Reply 1

Nonsmoking

I dunno, mebbe you should just get it on with him?! If you both like each other, seems a bit messed up not to....

Reply 2

Mattmoy_2000

This is a crush. It sucks, but it's not the end of the world. You'll get over it.

Reply 3

stainedglass

Firstly, you need to figure out what your feelings for him actually are. Do you genuinely like him or are you just craving the attention he gave you before you decided to not take things any further?

It's a natural reaction to be jealous when you obviously still like him a lot. You can't expect your feelings for him to just disappear after two weeks because it takes longer than that. In time you'll get over him and seeing him with other girls won't hurt as much. There will be better nights when you see him and it won't feel so bad because things like results and university won't be contributing towards it. The best thing to do is just get on with it and accept you will feel some jealousy if you're still seeing him regularly.

You said that things weren't working a month or so ago for various reasons, do those reasons still stand now? He doesn't want to see you sad if he's pulled you up to dance and cheer you up so maybe you could think about giving things another go with him. Just take it slow and handle problems as they crop up.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

aw poor you, i have more or less the same feeling as you TODAY when i heard the guy i like/liked ( not sure , i thought i got over him) having fun in the pub with other girl from UNi. That guy is single. When i heard it i was a lil jealous but there's nth we can do as they are not ours. so i just smiled sourly :frown: