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I'm jealous of my (rich?) best friend. Watch

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    We are both 16. She has got a job in shop that a family member runs. She will be making lots of money - probably over a £1000 in the summer holidays. It's making me really jealous, and I hate to admit it, but I don't feel happy for her. I do appreciate what I have, but I just feel jealous that she will be buying lots of lovely things. For example, say if there is something I really really want, she will think "oh that's nice" and buy it. Simple as. I know it's materialistic but also knowing she will want all these days out and trips as she can afford it, yet I will have to decline. Plus, I will be getting a bus pass so I can't exactly decline a shopping trip because of lack of bus fare. How can I get over this jealously of her making loads of money? I know it's really pathetic and mean, but it's made me want to do something to improve myself, just so she can envy me.
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    Jealousy is the worst thing for there to be in a friendship.

    Why on earth would you want to improve yourself just so she can envy you? Grow up.
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    (Original post by Carpe Vinum)
    Jealousy is the worst thing for there to be in a friendship.

    Why on earth would you want to improve yourself just so she can envy you? Grow up.

    I'm trying to be grown up by admitting my feelings. I asked for advice.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm trying to be grown up by admitting my feelings. I asked for advice.
    "I know it's really pathetic and mean, but it's made me want to do something to improve myself, just so she can envy me."

    If you know it's pathetic and mean then surely that gives you your answer. She's your friend. Don't be jealous of her, be happy for her. When my friends achieve something, I'm happy for them. That's part of being friends.

    If you can't be happy for her then you're not her friend.
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    This is really childish to be honest.

    As Carpe Vinum said, jealousy is really bad for any kind of friendship or relationship. A very ugly trait indeed.
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    (Original post by Carpe Vinum)
    "I know it's really pathetic and mean, but it's made me want to do something to improve myself, just so she can envy me."

    If you know it's pathetic and mean then surely that gives you your answer. She's your friend. Don't be jealous of her, be happy for her. When my friends achieve something, I'm happy for them. That's part of being friends.

    If you can't be happy for her then you're not her friend.

    Whilst I understand you, some things are easier said than done. I want to know how not to be jealous. I hate being jealous of her for being better than me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm trying to be grown up by admitting my feelings. I asked for advice.
    Very Amusing. Since you know it's pathetic why can't just get over it?

    See this as your pathway from rags to riches. Maybe she has the personality / je ne sais quo that you lack. How about asking her for help? She is your best friend right?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Whilst I understand you, some things are easier said than done. I want to know how not to be jealous. I hate being jealous of her for being better than me.
    There's your problem.

    Your friend is not better than you. You are not inferior to anyone. In order to stop feeling jealous you need to realise this.

    You also need to realise that being jealous solves absolutely nothing. Being jealous will not bring you wealth nor pretty clothes and jewellery that you say your friend is buying.

    And that's fine. Because there is more to life than material goods. MUCH more. You're 16 so you have time to realise this but I hope you can start realising it now. Some people don't have the most basic of things, so to be jealous of your friend for things she has is silly.

    I used to be a jealous person. Not of material goods, but I used to be jealous of friends who had boyfriends and got tons of male attention because it made me feel like ****. But then I started to realise that jealousy wasn't helping at all, in fact it just made me more bitter. I also learned that being single wasn't so a bad thing, and that my happiness shouldn't depend on male attention. So I learned to stop being jealous and became happier with who I was and what I had.
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    This kinda situation sort of happened to me. But she was just better than me at everything. I hated myself for being jealous but it was just how i felt. I was too close to her, she sparked me to have low self esteem as i was always no.2. Listen to yourself, ' Its made me do something to improve myself, just so she can envy me'. This close friendship is obviously bringing out the worst in you as it did to me. To be honest, i would just try to distance yourself from her for a while, she's got a good opportunity with her job yes, but it doesn't mean you can't as well in time. Everyone is different so don't compare yourself to her.

    Take a breather and chat to other friends
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    (Original post by Carpe Vinum)
    There's your problem.

    Your friend is not better than you. You are not inferior to anyone. In order to stop feeling jealous you need to realise this.

    You also need to realise that being jealous solves absolutely nothing. Being jealous will not bring you wealth nor pretty clothes and jewellery that you say your friend is buying.

    And that's fine. Because there is more to life than material goods. MUCH more. You're 16 so you have time to realise this but I hope you can start realising it now. Some people don't have the most basic of things, so to be jealous of your friend for things she has is silly.

    I used to be a jealous person. Not of material goods, but I used to be jealous of friends who had boyfriends and got tons of male attention because it made me feel like ****. But then I started to realise that jealousy wasn't helping at all, in fact it just made me more bitter. I also learned that being single wasn't so a bad thing, and that my happiness shouldn't depend on male attention. So I learned to stop being jealous and became happier with who I was and what I had.

    Thank you. I will try your advice. It's just she mentions quite a lot how much money she has made/is going to make, shows me everything she's bought, lists everything she's planning to buy, what her boyfriend has bought her..I'm not blaming her, I just feel jealous all the time. I thought I was confident, but she's pretty, has a long term relationship, a lot more friends (a lot of the friends we share prefer her). I just focus on what I have that she doesn't, which is also really bad because it's not a competition.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    For example, say if there is something I really really want, she will think "oh that's nice" and buy it. Simple as.
    I'm not guaranteeing you anything here, but your friend could be addicted to shopping if she's that impulsive. A shopping addiction will usually make people unhappy as they'll later realise they bought a bunch of things they don't need and now have no money after working for several months. I would be surprised if she didn't feel regretful after doing that. Think of it this way, she's a victim of marketing and has pretty much given her money away. Is that something to be jealous of? The average person reports work is the most unfulfilling part of their lives. Your friend has something you don't have, but has what millions of people do have.
    So if you could put that into perspective you should lose your feelings of jealousy.

    Btw sorry you've gotten some poor replies. I would definitely say you're more grown up than that user Carpe.
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    (Original post by phoenixxff)
    This kinda situation sort of happened to me. But she was just better than me at everything. I hated myself for being jealous but it was just how i felt. I was too close to her, she sparked me to have low self esteem as i was always no.2. Listen to yourself, ' Its made me do something to improve myself, just so she can envy me'. This close friendship is obviously bringing out the worst in you as it did to me. To be honest, i would just try to distance yourself from her for a while, she's got a good opportunity with her job yes, but it doesn't mean you can't as well in time. Everyone is different so don't compare yourself to her.

    Take a breather and chat to other friends
    Thank you, as I mentioned before I feel I'm constantly surrounded by the things that make me jealous i.e her showing me everything she's bought, talking a lot about how much money she's making. How can I distance myself from her whilst still be best friends? I don't want to distance myself and upset her, when the problems not with her, it's with me.
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    (Original post by crazytown2014)
    I'm not guaranteeing you anything here, but your friend could be addicted to shopping if she's that impulsive. A shopping addiction will usually make people unhappy as they'll later realise they bought a bunch of things they don't need and now have no money after working for several months. I would be surprised if she didn't feel regretful after doing that. Think of it this way, she's a victim of marketing and has pretty much given her money away. Is that something to be jealous of? The average person reports work is the most unfulfilling part of their lives. Your friend has something you don't have, but has what millions of people do have.
    So if you could put that into perspective you should lose your feelings of jealousy.

    Btw sorry you've gotten some poor replies. I would definitely say you're more grown up than that user Carpe.


    Thank you for your advice. Yes, I think she has got a shopping problem. She says she's saving her money now. She was often the kind of person to buy multiple versions of the same product. She used to buy things in the excess. I mean like, she would have a new obsession and buy a tonne of it. She would often regret it. I advised her to save her money because (although it's not my money) it would annoy me how much she would waste her money.
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    why dont you get your own job? i know people will say 'oh there arent any' but i went into town today and applied for 3 where thry had job vacancies. you just have to get out there and look!
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    (Original post by Spyro93)
    why dont you get your own job? i know people will say 'oh there arent any' but i went into town today and applied for 3 where thry had job vacancies. you just have to get out there and look!

    I want to, but I don't know if that's just going to me competing with her? (in this situation at least)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We are both 16. She has got a job in shop that a family member runs. She will be making lots of money - probably over a £1000 in the summer holidays. It's making me really jealous, and I hate to admit it, but I don't feel happy for her. I do appreciate what I have, but I just feel jealous that she will be buying lots of lovely things. For example, say if there is something I really really want, she will think "oh that's nice" and buy it. Simple as. I know it's materialistic but also knowing she will want all these days out and trips as she can afford it, yet I will have to decline. Plus, I will be getting a bus pass so I can't exactly decline a shopping trip because of lack of bus fare. How can I get over this jealously of her making loads of money? I know it's really pathetic and mean, but it's made me want to do something to improve myself, just so she can envy me.
    Didums.
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    what? Just go and look for a job, why should it have to be anything to do with her? You obviously want money - so go earn some!
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    (Original post by Mindless Behavior)
    Didums.

    Thank you for your sympathy
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    Get over it, life ain't fair.
 
 
 
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