Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

I've been neglecting my boyfriend Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and half, and have always had a strong relationship.

    However this year has been pretty stressful as at the beginning of this year he developed depression 3 weeks into what was supposed to be his 6 month gap year. This was pretty hard for both of us, and I started having counselling due to the stress this caused me at uni. Around Spring this year he began to feel better, but I had had a number of stressful events happen to me this year that have led me to continuously worry about stuff when I'm around him including: my best friend having depression and us falling out during the easter holidays, finding out I'd been doing an extra module at uni all year that I didn't need to do, finding out that a friend at uni had just been using me and didn't really care for me at all. So yeah this year has dented my confidence.

    I can't remember the last time I thought about my boyfriend or thought about doing something nice for him, and this scares me. He is so nice to me and will literally do anything for me and I know I have taken advantage of this. I really need to stop feeling guilty about everything he does and how little I do in return, and just do stuff for him.

    I've been on the contraceptive implant for a year which causes me to having stupidly long bleeding patterns, which does not help an erratic sex drive. One of our main problems is that I don't initiate or offer to pleasure him.

    On reflection I've been quite selfish, and now my boyfriend has brought up the fact he thinks we're not happy and that there are problems I don't talk about, I am scared. I want to save our relationship, does it sound fixable?
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and half, and have always had a strong relationship.

    However this year has been pretty stressful as at the beginning of this year he developed depression 3 weeks into what was supposed to be his 6 month gap year. This was pretty hard for both of us, and I started having counselling due to the stress this caused me at uni. Around Spring this year he began to feel better, but I had had a number of stressful events happen to me this year that have led me to continuously worry about stuff when I'm around him including: my best friend having depression and us falling out during the easter holidays, finding out I'd been doing an extra module at uni all year that I didn't need to do, finding out that a friend at uni had just been using me and didn't really care for me at all. So yeah this year has dented my confidence.

    I can't remember the last time I thought about my boyfriend or thought about doing something nice for him, and this scares me. He is so nice to me and will literally do anything for me and I know I have taken advantage of this. I really need to stop feeling guilty about everything he does and how little I do in return, and just do stuff for him.

    I've been on the contraceptive implant for a year which causes me to having stupidly long bleeding patterns, which does not help an erratic sex drive. One of our main problems is that I don't initiate or offer to pleasure him.

    On reflection I've been quite selfish, and now my boyfriend has brought up the fact he thinks we're not happy and that there are problems I don't talk about, I am scared. I want to save our relationship, does it sound fixable?
    There are clearly issues in the relationship but I don't think it's anything beyond sorting out. He has told you exactly what is wrong: there are problems you don't talk about. As is often the case, communication is the issue you and to fix it you need to talk more. Don't be scared, there really isn't any need to worry about it, you just need to open up to him more. If you can both afford the time, spend a good day together doing stuff you both enjoy and get the mood between you both back into the positive. Then go from there, talking to him about why you don't want to discuss the issues, why you've been quiet, what exactly has been wrong..
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by sliceofcake)
    There are clearly issues in the relationship but I don't think it's anything beyond sorting out. He has told you exactly what is wrong: there are problems you don't talk about. As is often the case, communication is the issue you and to fix it you need to talk more. Don't be scared, there really isn't any need to worry about it, you just need to open up to him more. If you can both afford the time, spend a good day together doing stuff you both enjoy and get the mood between you both back into the positive. Then go from there, talking to him about why you don't want to discuss the issues, why you've been quiet, what exactly has been wrong..
    Thank you for your response, I'm just not 100% what the problem is. I think it's because I've been worried about everything else that's happened this year, and I've forgotten to get the balance right. Then I think it is also an element of guilt that I don't do more for him, and that he doesn't call me out on things that annoy him, apart from when things seem really bad like this. But you're right it is about talking it out thank you
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: June 30, 2014
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.