I'll try to keep it short...Thanks to anyone who bothers reading
In March I met up with a guy - we had been friends for 4 years and felt there might have been something more, so we decided a few months ago to give it a shot.
He came here (he's 5 hours away by train) and booked 2 nights at a hotel nearby so we could spend more time together. Soon enough I realised that I didn't feel anything when he kissed me, held my hand, hugged me...I couldn't see him as more than a friend and that led to an inevitable hard time for both of us.
I explained my feelings to him, he didn't really understand why I was kissing him then, saying that I felt happy with him - I just didn't have the guts to tell him in person...
He had never had a girlfriend, he kept saying how special I was to him, that he had never felt so happy before...It was just too much and I cowardly forced myself to enjoy those hours just to make him happy...(The main problem was that I was in no way physically attracted to him and I didn't find his personality quite as interesting as it was when we were just talking online).
Anyway, he asked me for a second chance that I just couldn't give him (I took some time to think it through but to no avail), though I said we could remain friends if he felt like it and because I didn't want to lose him like that- his last words were that he didn't feel that was possible as, from his side, it had always been more than a friendship.
He left it up to me if I wanted to contact him every now and then, but 3 months have gone by and I still haven't spoken to him...Maybe I'm still unsure if it's good for him, if he's been able to move on; I certainly don't want to deal with other subtle pleas and don't really want to go back to talking to him often, for both our sakes.
However, I've noticed recently that he's been posting songs with titles like "Write to me", "Here with me", and things that relate to me on his FB (he knows I like Scandinavian landscapes and posts pictures or things in Swedish...).
Tl,dr - LDR didn't work, when I met the guy I realised it couldn't work (no attraction + I got a bit fed up of his personality), but he was really into me. We decided to cut contacts, we remained sort of friends and he told me to write to him if I ever felt like it. Haven't done that for 3 months, now he's sending subtle hints he wants me to speak to him by what he posts on FB.
What do you guys think is a good thing to do? Is it common to send these hidden messages to someone you miss? I would have thought a normal message would have made more sense...
I just really don't want to hurt him anymore, even though I might be doing so by not speaking to him for such a long time...I really don't know what to do
Any thoughts are greatly appreciated!
Guy sending subtle hints, don't know what to do... Watch
- Thread Starter
- 01-07-2014 14:35
- 01-07-2014 14:53
Just tell him you're not interested and you never will be and you think it's for the best if he doesn't contact you again.
I don't understand why people find honesty so hard.
Posted from TSR Mobile
- Thread Starter
- 01-07-2014 17:29
Thanks for your advice anyway
- 01-07-2014 18:05
I know it's difficult, but there's only one solution to this: you've got to tell him how you feel, honestly and uncompromisingly. If he backs off, good for him, you problems are solved. If he refuses to go back to being friends, that sucks, but it's how it has to be. If he won't take no for an answer, then that's unacceptable and you need to get out of the relationship.
It's scary, I know that, but it's the only way. What you have right now is no good to anyone, and it can only end badly. If you tell him how you feel, at least you have a chance of a good platonic relationship.