My boyfriend and I (20 + 21) live in student accom. that caters for people for the summer. We've been living here since the very end of May / early June. We live with 5 others - 3 girls and 2 guys. The very first day we moved in, we met one of the guys, Leon, on his way out to work. He's a barman, around our age, and was extremely nice, shaking both of our hands and introducing himself. The following day, while we were in the kitchen making something to eat, we met the three girls Katie, Susie, and Sally. They are a couple of years older than me and my boyfriend, and they knew each other before moving in, and so are all friends. We said hi to them and introduced ourselves, and they did the same. We went about cooking our food, and they went out with their food to the patio. The following day when we were in the kitchen, Katie came home during her lunch break and was talking to us. She told us about where she worked and what her job was, what the other girls worked as, and a bit about herself, and we told her about ourselves. She was extremely friendly, when we told her we had a rabbit (but as we were still in the process of moving our stuff from our old place, we wouldn't have her for another day or two), she said she couldn't wait to meet her etc.
It was all good for a day or two, the three girls, Leon and my boyfriend spent a few hours in the kitchen talking and getting to know each other (I was sick so was in bed). Then, the next day, I decided to bake some cookies for my boyfriend. He ate them and then left his plate and a glass on the counter for a few hours while we went to our friends place. When we got back, there was a note on the counter, which basically said the crumbs from the plate would attract mice and rats, and that the kitchen was "disgusting". I thought this was extremely ott and an overreaction. We are both neat people, especially regarding communal areas such as the kitchen. I never thought a glass and one small plate would be such a big deal. We don't know who left the note, but we think it was Susie because any time after that she was extremely passive aggressive towards us.
A couple of days later, I woke up at about 2.30 am to someone watching something on their laptop at an extremely loud volume. Our bedroom is right beside the kitchen, so we can hear everything. I wrote a note and left it in the kitchen when they went to bed, because I hate confrontation, especially after already having an incident already with another roommate after being here no more than 5 or 6 days. In the note I said that it was extremely disrespectful to make that much noise at that time when making food and watching something when you live with 6 other people. Turns out it was Leon, and he left me an extremely sarcastic note in return, saying how he was sorry "from the deepest pits of his heart" etc. I understand he works at a late night bar, and he comes home at all hours, so his sleeping and eating schedule is completely different to mine, but I still think a little common sense and courtesy isn't much to ask for, especially as he was watching something on his laptop while cooking and eating at such a late time. That, combined with the girls all getting up at about 7.30 for work and talking to each other and slamming doors didn't really help. I was exhausted and therefore cranky for days afterwards. Whenever I saw Leon after that, he barely acknowledged me. The girls never really said much to me either. Sally, who I hadn't spoken to at all since I met her, once asked us if it was ok that they were having friends over, and that they'd be quiet, to which we said of course it was okay, and another time I was washing something at the sink and she came in and just asked if she could quickly wash her glass - she was nice and friendly about all of it.
About two weeks ago, I received some bad news, and so had to rush home with my boyfriend. We were gone for about five days. When we got back, there was a note on our door from Katie, which said that they had all cleaned down the counters, swept and mopped the floors, taken out the bins, cleared the draining board etc., and that it would be nice if we helped out too next time - basically saying that we don't clean the kitchen ever - and there was another note that said that there was moldy food in our fridge / cupboard. I was extremely upset when I read the note - we had clearly not been around for days. If she had left the note a day or 2 after we had left, we clearly weren't around or else we would have taken it off our door. I was so angry, so I wrote another note back saying that we had to hurry off for a funeral, so we clearly couldn't help clean up. The moldy food they were referring to was some mince my boyfriend had cooked for us for dinner, before I got the bad news, and a loaf of bread in the cupboard. I thanked them for cleaning the pot of mince, but like I said, we had to leave suddenly. I also said that we clean up after ourselves, we've swept and mopped the floors multiple times, taken out the bins etc. , but just because she or nobody else is there when we do it doesn't mean we don't. (They 're at work 9 to 6 monday to friday, and then go home nearly every weekend, so of course they wouldn't see us cleaning, Leon works all hours and when he isn't he's out of the house, and the last guy is Korean, and I've only seen him twice since I've been here. He keeps to himself all the time, when he's here he's always in his room.) They didn't even throw out the mince, they left it in the pot out on the patio, which I didn't see until days later! The kitchen was even messy when we got back, so I said at the end of the note that maybe someone else should have been left it.
Ever since then, they've all been really passive aggressive towards me and my boyfriend, even though they have no reason to be! If one glass and a plate is enough to make Susie dislike us, then she must n't have lived with anyone else before now. She doesn't even know me, she never tried to talk to me, and then thought it was okay to leave an angry note over nothing. I've barely spoken to Sally since I've been here like I said before, but even last week when a friend came over to visit us and we were going out to the patio through the kitchen, her and Susie were in there making dinner and said "hi" super awkwardly. Leon has spoken to me a bit more since, we had a friend over for some drinks recently and he joined us for awhile and was talking to us. He's really charming so the three girls love him, he gets on great with them. I think he doesn't dislike me anymore, I never hated him for the noise he made when I first moved here, I just kindly asked him to not do it again, and told him it was disrespectful. I've been friendly towards him since, I was even the one who invited him to join us when we were having some drinks.
If they don't like us because of "mess", we always clean up after ourselves. We're not particularly loud people - I tend to have difficulty falling asleep some nights, so my boyfriend and I will watch stuff on my laptop , but we do it as quietly as possible, and I always whisper when I talk to him. If I watch stuff late at night by myself, I always use earphones. We've come in late a couple of times after being out with friends, but never been louder than opening and closing doors. My boyfriend has had to go out and ask friends of the girls' to be quiet one night after they came home from a night out they were so loud, and a bunch of them were sat in the kitchen at about 3 am talking really loudly to each other. Leon has come home at 6 am before and been really loud, and just last night he came back with a couple of friends after being out and they were really loud, slamming doors behind them, and yet the girls still talk to him and fawn over him, basically. My boyfriend and I have been nothing but friendly towards the girls, other than the note I wrote back to Katie. I didn't even get an apology from her - if someone told me they were gone for a funeral, I'd apologise to them and say I was sorry for their loss. Instead, I get passive aggressiveness, almost anger, any time we're in the same room. These kind of situations have always made me uncomfortable, I'm already an extremely introverted person as it is without having people disliking me for no reason. I don't like being in the kitchen if they're already in there, I won't even eat lunch or dinner in there. If I'm in there getting something or putting on laundry and they walk in, I say hi and they just mumble hi back. I don't leave the room if one of them walks in, but I don't go in if they're already there. My boyfriend even asked Katie earlier today what was up - he said she was so friendly and chatty at the beginning, and now they're all weird towards us, and did something happen, and of course she just mumbled "no". -_-
Don't get me wrong, I don't expect to be FRIENDS with these people. But I think being at least placid with one another isn't asking too much, is it?
So - is it us? Are we doing something wrong? Thanks guys, and sorry for the really long explanation, I tend to go overboard
Housemates have some issue with my boyfriend and I? Watch
- Thread Starter
- 01-07-2014 21:32