Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Would you start a relationship the summer before university? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I've been really close friends with a guy from college for just over a year (we'd known each other vaguely for a few years before that), and today he asked me if I'd consider being more than friends. I do like him, I tell him basically anything and everything that pops into my head, and we do stuff together anyway as friends.

    So this all sounds great on paper - and before he asked me, I'd always thought I'd say yes to something more. But the only problem is, we're both going to uni in September, and I've always thought it best to go to uni no strings attached, make a fresh start etc. And there's also the age old 'I don't want to ruin a good friendship...'

    And now I'm completely confused. I've told him I just want to stay friends, but I'm still not sure I made the right decision. I keep wondering how I'd react if he got with another girl before uni, and to be honest, I think I'd be devastated. But I don't know if that's because I'd be scared of losing him as a friend, or because I like him more than that.

    Can anybody help me?! :confused:
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been really close friends with a guy from college for just over a year (we'd known each other vaguely for a few years before that), and today he asked me if I'd consider being more than friends. I do like him, I tell him basically anything and everything that pops into my head, and we do stuff together anyway as friends.

    So this all sounds great on paper - and before he asked me, I'd always thought I'd say yes to something more. But the only problem is, we're both going to uni in September, and I've always thought it best to go to uni no strings attached, make a fresh start etc. And there's also the age old 'I don't want to ruin a good friendship...'

    And now I'm completely confused. I've told him I just want to stay friends, but I'm still not sure I made the right decision. I keep wondering how I'd react if he got with another girl before uni, and to be honest, I think I'd be devastated. But I don't know if that's because I'd be scared of losing him as a friend, or because I like him more than that.

    Can anybody help me?! :confused:
    You know important people in your life aren't just going to arrive just when it's convenient or to fit in with some preconceived idea of when it should happen.

    The main thing is to be true to your own feelings about this chap.

    Is he important to you? Would you be happy with him loving someone else ?

    For my money if you would be devastated then he is a lot more than a friend to you.

    Believe me people who you love don't crop up every day of the week. It really does not matter when you meet them. What matters is that you are lucky enough to meet them.

    Many people never, I repeat NEVER meet someone who can / will love them. Let alone meet someone who they can love back.

    It may be that this relationship proves to be the one. It may be that it just fizzles out. Unless you try it you won't know. If he is serious. if your feelings about him are serious you'll do whatever it takes to keep it going.

    How did he take it when you ' rejected' him? Daft question he just tried to act normal I guess.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    To be completely honest I wouldnt. At uni a lot of people break up with their partners (myself included) due to a lot of external factors. Obviously this doesnt go for everyone, however from my experience I was with my bf (now ex) for 3 years and uni put a big strain on that. Now for you a new relationship may be worse.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    If the two of you were to go to the same Uni perhaps you may have a chance but if you are not you could still give it a go but I wouldn't especially not with uni as you will meet new people and so will he, your interest and priorities will shift. Who knows you may even meet someone who has even more similar or equal interests as you or who you may have a crush on over time...I think you'd be better off not starting a new relationship before uni but if you think it's the right thing to do go ahead but for your friendship with the guy I think you're better off being friends as a relationship changes a lot.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been really close friends with a guy from college for just over a year (we'd known each other vaguely for a few years before that), and today he asked me if I'd consider being more than friends. I do like him, I tell him basically anything and everything that pops into my head, and we do stuff together anyway as friends.

    So this all sounds great on paper - and before he asked me, I'd always thought I'd say yes to something more. But the only problem is, we're both going to uni in September, and I've always thought it best to go to uni no strings attached, make a fresh start etc. And there's also the age old 'I don't want to ruin a good friendship...'

    And now I'm completely confused. I've told him I just want to stay friends, but I'm still not sure I made the right decision. I keep wondering how I'd react if he got with another girl before uni, and to be honest, I think I'd be devastated. But I don't know if that's because I'd be scared of losing him as a friend, or because I like him more than that.

    Can anybody help me?! :confused:
    Just remember, no one wants a boyfriend on Freshers week...btw your post was made in 1970 :')

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I started a relationship the summer before I went to uni and we're still together now, nearly a year after! Yes it's been hard but you can make it work :-) I'd say risk it, you'll always wonder what if, if you don't!

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Started a relationship the summer before uni. Still together four years later.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    I did, but it didn't work out for me.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    I feel the same way kind of. I got with my boyfriend last month although we weren't friends beforehand but I don't want to start uni tied down. I also went out with one of my friends, it didn't end well but we have still somehow managed to remain friends after everything that happened. Can't you make an agreement to stay friends no matter what happens? That's what we did and it worked. Good luck with your decision.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Depends entirely how you feel about him. For some people it works, some it doesn't, same as anything else.

    I know people who were in LDRs right through uni, people who broke up a few weeks in and people who broke up before. My relationship ended before I left for uni, then met my current partner in freshers week! We've been together nearly 6 years now
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    I started my relationship with my boyfriend a month before he first went to university. Now, we're very happy. Go for it if you want to, don't if you don't want to.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)

    And now I'm completely confused. I've told him I just want to stay friends, but I'm still not sure I made the right decision. I keep wondering how I'd react if he got with another girl before uni, and to be honest, I think I'd be devastated. But I don't know if that's because I'd be scared of losing him as a friend, or because I like him more than that.

    Can anybody help me?! :confused:
    If you would be devastated if this guy were to begin a relationship with another girl then it is obvious that you care for him, STRONGLY. I know this is obvious but, if you care for him that much and he does you, then it is worth a go. Many long distance relationships work out fine; as someone already posted, they've lasted 4 years. Many relationships aren't strong enough to last long distance, but it's always worth a go, and there's three main possible outcomes:
    If you don't try, you won't be together, and you'll have to let him go
    If you do try but the relationship doesn't last and you end up breaking up, then at least you've tried.
    But if you do give the relationship a go, and it is strong enough to last then you've got an amazing relationship with someone you truly care about



    In short, I would give it a go. Make the most of what you have at the moment and not dwell on the future, because you won't get very far if you think about it too much
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 2, 2014
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.