Making it as basic as possible, I was best mates with a gay friend from school. I love him like a friend, but he loves me like a sister.
We went to different universities for one year, and kept in contact and saw each other a few times. But over the year, I've realised that I've changed and have begun to dislike certain qualities...and these qualities seemed to have been attributed to my dear friend. For example, I've grown to find swearing completely unnecessary (he swears to no end, even if I ask him kindly not to), not understand why people choose to get angry at things that don't matter (he does this), and dislike crude and dirty humour (he loves this humour...a lot). To be fair, I used to like the crude jokes, but I feel like now the just make me feel uncomfortable and I find them offensive most of the time (and OTT).
Now coming home, because I hang with him a lot, people rumour that we are dating which isn't true (see above). And also I've felt more distant to him because I've changed...(maybe matured).
All these reasons make me want to move myself away from him more and more, but I find it hard to say no to situations when he wants to hang or do something. And he seems to want to talk to me all the time, to the point where I'm like "yo, don't you have any other friends??". I don't do this to him because I'm more of an introvert (I usually prefer my own company...).
I don't think its healthy for me to be this close to him, because his rage rubs onto me sometimes, and also he can be quite rude and disrespectful to me at times. He's a good friend overall, but these problems seem to outshine the friendship at the moment... probably because I would have expected him to mature at university.
Ahh what do I do? Do I dump him unexpectedly or gradually, or tell him how I feel and make the friendship really awkward???
Am I bad friend, or am I justified? Watch
- Thread Starter
- 02-07-2014 01:37
- 02-07-2014 01:43
You're not a bad friend. There's only so much you can take with someone. I'm not sure what advice to give you though. Sorry.
- 02-07-2014 10:17
You're not a bad friend, it's just something we all go through. People mature, and they change - then we meet new people, and the cycle repeats I suppose. Have you tried bringing up this issue (lightly) to him? some people may not realize they're doing it, and you don't have to force yourself to be his friend. Maybe the reason why you can't say no when he asks you to hangout is because 1. you don't have much other friends or 2. you feel as if the friendship might work out despite your differences.
If you surround yourself with people that aren't like him, you won't be affected as easily. Also, it's better to make your friendship temporarily awkward than burning the bridge as a whole. Try it out and see if it works, I can't guarantee things will get better but it's worth trying and knowing you tried, rather than giving up so quickly.