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Casual "fun" or wait for "Mr Right"??

I have never had a serious relationship and for ages I've been wanting a boyfriend (not in a desperate way, but always had an eye open looking for a nice guy)!

But after having some "no strings fun" with a guy ive known for a while (the first time I done stuff with a guy where there has been no chance of it developing into a relationship) I wonder if actually im cool with that.

Do you think its a real change of heart that suddenly I am ok with casualness or I am just settling for that as I'm bored of waiting for "Mr Right" (or at least Mr Kinda Right!!) ??

Thanx :p:

Reply 1

wendizzle22

1

I'd say you were settling for it, but not being psychic I'm not certain! My friends have decided we should wait for 'mr right,' but still not settle for smomething that's not satisfying. Instead we should have a 'mr right for now!'
I think most girls do hope that the casual situation will turn into something more serious. It did (eventually) with my bf and now he is certainly 'mr right now!' Hopefully he'll turn into a complete mr right but we both know people and their desires and work arrangements can change over the years.

Why is there no chance of it developing into a relationship?

Reply 2

User69701

10

You want to settle down with Mr Right. But in the mean time if you want no strings you can. no strings is dangerous area. Just be sure you can do.

Reply 3

username47781

20

Well my view its always better to wait till you found MR Right, but nothing wrong with casual fun as long as you take precautions, personally i wouldn't have casual but if you want to there's nothing wrong with it

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

casual "fun" is nice until you end up getting hurt by it.
:frown:

Reply 5

User69701

10

That is one of the risks with casual fun. Very few people can do it. And if they can only for a short period of time.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanx for the responses, guys.

Things won't develop with current guy as he's made it clear it is "fun" only (i respect his honesty, i know some guys who pretend they are interested longterm just to get girls into bed)

I was fine (kinda blocking out that I knew the guy was probably seeing other girls, and of course he can as its "no strings") but when I saw him dancing and flirting with other girls in a bar it did upset as it wasn't til I saw with my own eyes the reality.

Guess I need to decide whether its worth risking the potential upset. I've been cheated on in past so it kinda feels like the same thing but this time I know about it and have validated it by agreeing to "casual" terms.

what a pickle!

Reply 7

User69701

10

If you are feeling like that, talk to him. Tell him you want a meaningful relationship. If he still says no, I think it may be better to walk away.

Reply 8

Straggler

13

..

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 9

Zoecb

11

Have fun and Mr Kinda Right might turn up anyway.

Reply 10

Anonymous #3

I've been doing "casual fun" for the past 8 months or so. But now that I feel I'm ready for a boyfriend, I no longer am interested in having friends with benefits or whatever. I'm going to uni soon, so hopefully I will meet a nice guy there :smile:

Reply 11

zav

14

JayB124

If you are feeling like that, talk to him. Tell him you want a meaningful relationship. If he still says no, I think it may be better to walk away.

I agree with Jay take this advise if i was you.

Reply 12

username47781

20

Anonymous

casual "fun" is nice until you end up getting hurt by it.
:frown:

yeah this is very true there is alot wrong with casual i mean the person you could be having a casual fling could be married or have another partner, imagine how that partner would feel.

Reply 13

Tw!stEd

2

^^However in this case it is unlikely, sicne he seems to be open.
I am a male similar to that, in the fact that I always inform girls that I'm only in it for fun at the mo...
However chances are he likes you in some way, and either have personal reasons for not doing relationships (i.e uni ect).
And if you don't feel right, jsut tell him and I'm sure he'll understand...

Reply 14

Sticky

Zoecb

Have fun and Mr Kinda Right might turn up anyway.

I'd have to disagree. That's the whole dilemma behind choosing between casual fun and a proper relationship. Imagine you're having fun, sleeping...with some guy and then you meet a guy who is amazing, a lot more amazing than the guy you're sleeping with and you think there's a chance things will materialise into something serious? What do you do? Stop seeing the casual guy right away, once you've started sleeping with new guy?

Firstly, this new guy is not going to be impressed by the fact you're seeing someone while things are starting between you. It will just give off the impression that you're "that kind of girl" i.e. a girl for fun. Why do you think so many girls get hurt because guys never see them as girlfriend material?

It's an issue of not being able to have your cake and eat it. When you're having casual fun, you're just not in the "frame of mind" to meet someone special. Meeting someone special and falling for them isn't just a matter of circumstances. To fall for someone, you need to be in the right mindset. That's why some people don't understand why they keep ending up in short-lived relationship and that people of the opposite sex only see them as good for a bit of fun. The risk is getting stuck in a rut and I know plenty of people like that.

Casual fun and looking for something serious both have their advantages but if what you want more than anything else, is a serious relationship, then "settling" for fun is really counter-productive. As someone said, it's all fun until you get hurt. Just know what you're doing.

Anonymous

But after having some "no strings fun" with a guy ive known for a while (the first time I done stuff with a guy where there has been no chance of it developing into a relationship) I wonder if actually im cool with that.

Why was there no chance of anything happening?

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

Sticky

That's why some people don't understand why they keep ending up in short-lived relationship and that people of the opposite sex only see them as good for a bit of fun. The risk is getting stuck in a rut and I know plenty of people like that.

THink there may be some truth in that for some people. Any advice on breaking the cycle??!! Please !

Reply 16

Zoecb

11

Sticky

I'd have to disagree. That's the whole dilemma behind choosing between casual fun and a proper relationship. Imagine you're having fun, sleeping...with some guy and then you meet a guy who is amazing, a lot more amazing than the guy you're sleeping with and you think there's a chance things will materialise into something serious? What do you do? Stop seeing the casual guy right away, once you've started sleeping with new guy?

Don't be daft. No need to get your knickers in a twist.
If you meet the amazing one you stop the casual stuff. It's not complicated.

It's an issue of not being able to have your cake and eat it. When you're having casual fun, you're just not in the "frame of mind" to meet someone special. Meeting someone special and falling for them isn't just a matter of circumstances. To fall for someone, you need to be in the right mindset.

*******s.

I don't know where you get this from.

Reply 17

username47781

20

yeah i agree with sticky if you meet some person who really takes your breath away the logical thing would be to stop seeing the other person your having fun with

Reply 18

Zoecb

11

Yes exactly. How is that agreeing with sticky by the way? That's agreeing with me...

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

OP

Well the casual "fun" has seemingly come to the end. We were just talking on yahoo messenger and we were talking for about 2 hours and I realised that I had finally had enough of being used and not getting much in return.

At first it was fun for both and enjoyed it but after reading all the stuff on here today and then a horrible conversation that made me uncomfortable and didnt enjoy the banter anymore.

Hopefully I wont fall back into the situation again but at least I've realised Im not enjoying it now and now question if i ever did.

Thanx for all your replies :smile:

Casual "fun" or wait for "Mr Right"??

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