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I feel like the third wheel with my girlfriend Watch

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    Basically I feel like the third wheel with my girlfriend (right now I mean)...

    We're in a long distance arrangement and basically we speak regularly, either via Facebook or text or phone call or Skype. The problem is, I feel as though I am like second or third wheel to her.

    We have been together like nearly two months....part of this was whilst she lived here....partly also LDR. But I just feel (gut feeling) that things are not going so well. For example, whenever I try to become intimate with her (online, due to LDR) she becomes awkward. Logs off every 2 minutes.

    Also, I call her a lot and recently she is always engrossed with others. For example recently, she goes to see her Father. Which is fine, she went away for a few days. But whilst she is there (and on the phone to me) she is on the phone talking to her brother whilst on phone with me. She is having a full blown conversation with him....she has never been like this before...its almost like ive seen another side to her, she is all hyper and I just generally trying to have a conversation with him...whilst asking me if I am here every couple of minutes...

    Its almost as though I'm expected to be on the phone whilst they have some massive debate), some film or latest 'fad', whilst I listen, and then my girlfriend comments that she is talking to herself and that I am not listening or some other thing (in a light hearted manner, yet still i know how she means) I feel that actually she is being a little bit harsh.

    She is normally fine with me most of the time, the minute she goes to visit family she is just some different person. I'm not happy that she takes the 'passive-aggressive' tone with me. Like she implied she was talking to herself. I don't she why I am expected to keep up with some conversation whilst she talks with her brother (whilst on phone to me) and then it is implied she is talking to a brick wall.

    I'm sorry this never happens regularly (in fact, this is the first time I have been properly annoyed), but I just feel a little "insulted".

    She never actually told me i dont listen, but its the subtle things that suggest she thinks this. For example, although it is minor, supposedly she thought I needed to get a haircut when I went to visit her, yet she never mentioned it whilst I was down. So therefore she waking on eggshells...I wish she was honest. It annoys me.
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    So, have you actually talked to her about all of this, when she has been alone?
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    (Original post by sliceofcake)
    So, have you actually talked to her about all of this, when she has been alone?
    No, as its just literally happened. For the first time.

    I've just messaged her...(as we speak) as its LDR. But I just feel pretty damn pissed about it. I think my misogynistic tendencies have surfaced. I just feel i've been in relationship upon relationship and we have either never seen eye-to-eye or we weren't compatible or basically they have just implied things and its sent my anxiety/depression going.

    I have this hatred for women, essentially from the fact every women i've been with has always been walking on egg shells because of my issues. Mental health and just because I'm a sensitive bloke.

    So sometimes during conversations they say stuff and it mildly offends me, not because of what it is, but because they couldn't tell me at the time. For example, my girlfriend told me I needed to get a trim (my hair), and had thought so since i went to visit her a couple weeks ago. Yet failed to mention whilst I was with her (no matter how small), she should be able to mention to me if she is 100% committed.

    I blame myself, because I have depression and anxiety issues (although I'm not sure she did it because of that) I feel maybe she is too scared.

    As you've gathered I have an unhealthy mindset, but I am trying to resolve this. but I can't help but feel my issue isn't caused by me. but her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No, as its just literally happened. For the first time.

    I've just messaged her...(as we speak) as its LDR. But I just feel pretty damn pissed about it. I think my misogynistic tendencies have surfaced. I just feel i've been in relationship upon relationship and we have either never seen eye-to-eye or we weren't compatible or basically they have just implied things and its sent my anxiety/depression going.

    I have this hatred for women, essentially from the fact every women i've been with has always been walking on egg shells because of my issues. Mental health and just because I'm a sensitive bloke.

    So sometimes during conversations they say stuff and it mildly offends me, not because of what it is, but because they couldn't tell me at the time. For example, my girlfriend told me I needed to get a trim (my hair), and had thought so since i went to visit her a couple weeks ago. Yet failed to mention whilst I was with her (no matter how small), she should be able to mention to me if she is 100% committed.

    I blame myself, because I have depression and anxiety issues (although I'm not sure she did it because of that) I feel maybe she is too scared.

    As you've gathered I have an unhealthy mindset, but I am trying to resolve this. but I can't help but feel my issue isn't caused by me. but her.
    Okay, well from what you've told me, though granted I don't know very much at all about you or your relationship, it doesn't seem like the issue is caused by her. That doesn't mean that it is caused by you, it's rarely one or the other, but a mixture. Stress to her the importance of complete openness and for you both to be able to tell each other anything, no matter how small. That is where the issue seems to be made worse by her. However, you're blowing up into something it's not. You haven't been together for long and now you're long distance. It can change how people feel in a relationship when they aren't constantly seeing their partner. Not all LDRs last and communication is often the cause (though not always!)

    When approaching this matter with her, I wouldn't blame her, it won't get you anywhere. Instead, say how you've been feeling, that you're quite frustrated that she's not talking to you properly... I don't call those phone calls with you listening to her conversation with her brother as properly talking. You can tell her what she's done to make you feel this way and what she can do to help you feel better.

    It seems like you don't always open up either. You said you haven't talked to her because it has "just literally happened", but it's clear that it has happened more than once and now you're on TSR before you talk to her. There's not really much advice anyone can give you at this stage except to talk to her.

    I can't deny that I am reluctant to help you when you use extreme and dramatic wording such as "I have this hatred for women", especially when your justification for such hatred isn't very substantial. It's annoying as hell but a) not all women are like that, obviously and b) you recognise that it's your sensitivity that has lead you to be so bothered by it, and yet with "hatred" you're putting the blame entirely upon women. You've had issues with your exes, as have many people, doesn't mean they have a hatred for the entire gender.
 
 
 
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