Posting anonymously on behalf of a friend who doesn't have an account.
I am a 21 year old uni student who also works part time, and have been in a relationship with my first serious girlfriend for the past two years. She is three years younger than me and about to start uni this September, and also works part time.
I am worried about her behaviour as she has been caught out *****ing about me to our mutual friends behind my back about trivial things I do that irritate her and lying about it afterwards to put herself in the most positive light to get out of admitting she said them. Some of her comments have been pretty hurtful, calling me names like a retard, idiot, ****er etc. Usually it's because I'm slightly late picking her up from work or because I haven't talked to her enough while out with friends as a group. When I went on holiday last year she inundated me with messages saying she's convinced I'll break up with her when I get back (with no reasoning behind it; I have never mentioned anything about breaking up) and getting herself into a state because I couldn't talk to her until the evening with hotel WiFi. It spoilt my holiday and my friends thought her messaging was getting excessive.
She is also very paranoid about other girls, and has lashed out at one of my close female friends before for wearing "revealing" clothing (but not in any way flirting with me; we have been friends for over ten years and are like brother and sister and she has a long-term boyfriend), and generally acting impolite when things aren't going her way in the conversation (e.g. we talk about something she doesn't know much about, and instead of asking questions she sulks and tells me she wants to go home/she's ill/tired). She has also admitted, reluctantly, that she doesn't trust me, but won't go into detail as to how or why, and tends to blame her issues on her family or other factors rather than taking responsibility. This extends from her eating habits (very restrictive diet of high sat-fat McDonald's type foods, no vegetables, won't try new things) to her education where she blames her tutors when she is disappointed with her grades.
There is also issues with finances - I used some of my university grant to buy her a tablet for her birthday but she said to our friends it was technically "Monopoly money" because the money hadn't come from my monthly pay at work. I also take her out to restaurants on a weekly basis and encourage her to try new things but she rarely returns the favour despite earning her own money (not as much as me but still enough to chip in every so often).
One of the final straws came when she punched me in the chest in front of a group of our friends one evening because she thought I was being a know-it-all over a really trivial conversation about something I can't even remember. I restrained her and asked her what the hell she was doing but she couldn't answer and cried all night trying to apologise, blaming it on her insecurities.
I just don't know what to do, I've tried talking about it but my friends who witnessed this behaviour think it's unacceptable, especially the hitting me and talking behind my back and the unfounded trust issues.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you and sorry for the long post!
Is this normal? What should I do? Watch
- Thread Starter
- 03-07-2014 23:29
- Thread Starter
- 03-07-2014 23:45
Can I also add that every month she also convinces herself she is pregnant despite her period not being due for another couple of days, getting worked up, and then finally realising she isn't. One evening very recently she was so convinced she was pregnant she wanted a friend to go with her to buy a test, but then spent the evening drinking alcohol. When challenged on why she drank alcohol when she even had the slightest suspicion she might be pregnant, her reply was "part of me thought I was, part of me thought I wasn't". I just don't know what to think or do.
- 04-07-2014 00:00
I'm really sorry to say this, but your friend needs to get out of this if he wants to come out sane!
His gf's behaviour is very childish and, frankly, quite pathetic - I can't believe he's put up with it for two years!
No one should be treated like that: lack of trust, excessive jealousy, being lashed out at verbally/physically and the ungratefulness she shows towards kind gestures...Good lord, makes me angry to read these things, it's quite disgusting to say the least!
It sounds as if there are many things in this relationship that need to be sorted out before it can be healthy and stable; past experiences and insecurities can justify his gf's attitude up to a certain point, but if she doesn't seem willing to change her ways then I think it's time for him to move on and find greener pastures imho - even if he loves her...
It'll be hard but, in the long run, he may look back and see this as one of the best choices of his life.
So, a long and serious talk is due: your friend needs to tell her how he feels about the hurtful comments behind his back, her lack of appreciation for what he does for her, her unnecessary jealousy, etc. Even her behaviour in front of his friends sounds like something very embarrassing, kinda like when a kid is bored and wants to go home, stomping his feet and moaning
Maybe your friend should also tell her that all of this is putting a grave strain on your relationship and that you can't deal with it: either she changes or there will inevitably be a break up. You know, that might shake her up a bit and make her think.
If he has already done this and it has all gone in an ear, out of the other, well...He should dump her there and then, she's not worth the hassle!
Whatever happens, I wish your friend the best of luck and happiness! Hope this has been somewhat helpful
- 04-07-2014 00:31
I honestly can't believe he's put up with this for so long. It's clearly whatever she has going on and that's no call to be a complete ****.
Dump her sorry ass, she's not worth anymore of your time!!Last edited by LadyEcliptic; 04-07-2014 at 00:32.
- 04-07-2014 00:39
Only you know what's going on but if she's *****ing about you behind your back and she's about to go to uni it's not a great sign. If you feel that you can work things out and talk to her then do it.
But if I were you I'd tell her that you deserve better and she should jog on.