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    I've come out of major depression which lasted about 4 years, it wasn't now. 3 years on, I've spent the past 2 years forcing myself to enjoy things and appear enthusiastic but I can't pretend anymore, I can't hide what I am inside. I'm sick of being the person that puts on a smiling face, tries to organise things, tries to motivate other people when I just want someone to do that for me. I know it sounds like I'm being selfish but that's probably just because I am. I wish I could have someone to really trust and rely on all the time, just one person. I would love that. I've felt alone for so long, like everyone lets you down. I just need someone to be there. I'm so scared to make changes in my life and move forward. I wish I could be high just for a second to make me forget the numbness inside me. I feel so dead inside, like I can trust no one. I want to forget everything but it all comes back to me, all the ways I've been let down. I want to be in love but love has only destructed me. Nothing I am saying makes sense I know but I don't know where to run. I have no money and I doubt I'll ever make it. I just want to abuse alcohol and cigarettes at least but people rightly get mad at me when I do that because it's selfish. I don't want to feel so estranged but I do. I'm lost. Totally. Please if anyone feels like this too talk to me. I need to know I'm not the only one that can't sleep at night because they feel dead inside. Loving other people only to get used is grating itself against me. I want to feel love but I don't know what it is.
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    this probably shouldn't be in this forum, sorry, it should probably be in mental health or something.
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    Wow man that's deep.
    It's nowhere near the same but when I feel down, I head straight to YouTube and spend hours watching funny cat videos. Cats are great for cheering me up
    Aside from that, the only advice I could offer would be to not give up. Once you go down the route of alcoholism and chain smoking it's a dark path indeed, and can basically make everything worse. Don't go there. Try and focus on the happy things in life. Sometimes I feel upset and alone, so I go play with my cat and watch funny videos.

    I'm pretty crap at things like this, I hope I have been able to help in someway.
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    (Original post by Typhoon235)
    Wow man that's deep.
    It's nowhere near the same but when I feel down, I head straight to YouTube and spend hours watching funny cat videos. Cats are great for cheering me up
    Aside from that, the only advice I could offer would be to not give up. Once you go down the route of alcoholism and chain smoking it's a dark path indeed, and can basically make everything worse. Don't go there. Try and focus on the happy things in life. Sometimes I feel upset and alone, so I go play with my cat and watch funny videos.

    I'm pretty crap at things like this, I hope I have been able to help in someway.
    Thanks for replying. Cuddling my dog can help. But then I feel bad because I'm keeping him from his mother just for my own satisfaction and he gets bored and must feel so alone when I'm at work or busy. I feel like he's not really happy. Sometimes I feel like the only reason dogs are loyal to humans is for food and comfort, but in reality they would rather just be free. Why should I be imprisoning this poor dog just for my own satisfaction?? His internal beauty and lovingness also reminds me of what I long for in another person, but can't find in a human being. Sorry I know this sounds bad but this is my dark side I guess.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for replying. Cuddling my dog can help. But then I feel bad because I'm keeping him from his mother just for my own satisfaction and he gets bored and must feel so alone when I'm at work or busy. I feel like he's not really happy. Sometimes I feel like the only reason dogs are loyal to humans is for food and comfort, but in reality they would rather just be free. Why should I be imprisoning this poor dog just for my own satisfaction?? His internal beauty and lovingness also reminds me of what I long for in another person, but can't find in a human being. Sorry I know this sounds bad but this is my dark side I guess.
    I imagine my cat feels pretty bored during the day, but honestly all she does is sleep. She's always happy to see me as I get greeted with purrs and cuddles. That way I know she doesn't feel imprisoned. Honestly, you aren't imprisoning your dog at all. It's better that he feels loved in your home than stuck in some kennel or RSPCA centre feeling unwanted and unloved. If pets wanted to run away, they could easily do so, but that very rarely happens.

    We all have low points in life. Don't let it consume you, just keep trying to focus on things you like and that make you happy. You'll find a way through it eventually.
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    I understand what it's like to feel let down and unappreciated. Also I often question everyone's intentions including my own and think that really no one does things purely because they want to help others, but because ultimately it benefits themselves in someway. Sometimes I even feel bad about myself when I do nice things for others, thinking that really I'm just selfish and only doing it because I want to feel appreciated or have something to gain from it.. I know it sounds so negative to put it like that haha, but when I'm feeling low that's how I view things too.

    The thing to remember is that really you're not a bad person for wanting to be appreciated, that's just human nature. I know you might've had a bad experience with relationships up until now but I can guarantee you there are great, caring people out there and even if it takes you a while to find a meaningful relationship with a good person you should have faith that you can.

    I also find that meditation and listening to spiritualists such as Eckhart Tolle (extremely wise and inspirational guy) really helps with figuring out how to find happiness in even the darkest of places, maybe something like that would be of use to you.
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    (Original post by Typhoon235)
    I imagine my cat feels pretty bored during the day, but honestly all she does is sleep. She's always happy to see me as I get greeted with purrs and cuddles. That way I know she doesn't feel imprisoned. Honestly, you aren't imprisoning your dog at all. It's better that he feels loved in your home than stuck in some kennel or RSPCA centre feeling unwanted and unloved. If pets wanted to run away, they could easily do so, but that very rarely happens.

    We all have low points in life. Don't let it consume you, just keep trying to focus on things you like and that make you happy. You'll find a way through it eventually.
    Hmm see, my dog quite often tries to escape. Thanks though
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I understand what it's like to feel let down and unappreciated. Also I often question everyone's intentions including my own and think that really no one does things purely because they want to help others, but because ultimately it benefits themselves in someway. Sometimes I even feel bad about myself when I do nice things for others, thinking that really I'm just selfish and only doing it because I want to feel appreciated or have something to gain from it.. I know it sounds so negative to put it like that haha, but when I'm feeling low that's how I view things too.

    The thing to remember is that really you're not a bad person for wanting to be appreciated, that's just human nature. I know you might've had a bad experience with relationships up until now but I can guarantee you there are great, caring people out there and even if it takes you a while to find a meaningful relationship with a good person you should have faith that you can.

    I also find that meditation and listening to spiritualists such as Eckhart Tolle (extremely wise and inspirational guy) really helps with figuring out how to find happiness in even the darkest of places, maybe something like that would be of use to you.
    Honestly thanks for your reply, and reaching out. Well, yeh to be honest I don't personally agree with that whole 'all selfless acts are selfish' thing, because at the end of the day the person could choose not to do the selfless thing but they did it. And they're not necessarily doing it just so they can feel good themselves. I definitely believe there are selfless acts and selfless people but quite often those are the people that get ****ed over, that's all. That's what I've witnessed and experienced my whole life.

    Also I don't really agree with so much of what Eckhart Tolle says, I've tried reading his book and I found that there was so much wrong with what he was saying. For me personally, he just seems to dress everything up in flowery and empowering language but a lot of what he says is false. But I agree that in principle, listening to the words of wise spiritualists can sometimes help people, but I tend to disagree and question so much of what is said. I can't just take it for truth when I don't agree with it. There is a dark place within me that I can't escape from and I'm not the kind of person where I will suscribe to a religion or the words of a spiritualist thinker I'm afraid.

    Once again thanks for reaching out
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Honestly thanks for your reply, and reaching out. Well, yeh to be honest I don't personally agree with that whole 'all selfless acts are selfish' thing, because at the end of the day the person could choose not to do the selfless thing but they did it. And they're not necessarily doing it just so they can feel good themselves. I definitely believe there are selfless acts and selfless people but quite often those are the people that get ****ed over, that's all. That's what I've witnessed and experienced my whole life.

    Also I don't really agree with so much of what Eckhart Tolle says, I've tried reading his book and I found that there was so much wrong with what he was saying. For me personally, he just seems to dress everything up in flowery and empowering language but a lot of what he says is false. But I agree that in principle, listening to the words of wise spiritualists can sometimes help people, but I tend to disagree and question so much of what is said. I can't just take it for truth when I don't agree with it. There is a dark place within me that I can't escape from and I'm not the kind of person where I will suscribe to a religion or the words of a spiritualist thinker I'm afraid.

    Once again thanks for reaching out
    That's definitely a more positive way of looking at it I hope you're right. If only more people could understand how much happier the world would be if everyone thought of others' feelings every once in a while.

    Yeah, I don't agree 100% on every claim a spiritualist makes (though I'd be interested to know what part of Tolle's writing you didn't agree with ) but it's beneficial to take the points that resonate with you and use them to have a positive impact on the way you are. Do you think this dark place is a part of your depression or something which has been caused by negative experiences?
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    that's very sad. you're not alone. Low is my permanent state. I have similar problems to some of the issues you've raised. Not exactly the same, but quite similar. I'm not sure exactly what your experiences are. Anyway, I'm the worst person to be giving advice or pep talks, everything I have to say comes in a highly depressive tone. I think once your spirit is broken, it's hard to get it back, that's why you feel low, that's why I feel low. Anyway, I'm not really sure what to say to that, except that it's really sad and unfortunate. But you have to change, you have to do something about it. Don't let yourself go. It's always very difficult to try to console people online, there's very little you can do unfortunately. If you need someone to talk to, I don't mind.
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    I honestly feel the best solution is to move country for a while.

    Live on the edge all the time so you don't have to time to consider your feelings
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    Been there, done that; know dem feels. :console:

    You're so down on yourself, OP, and that's horrible to read, 'cause I've been there and it sure as hell sucks. Yes, we can all be selfish sometimes, but it's not selfish to feel the way you do and if you're hurting over a particular situation, it's not selfish to feel the way you do about it.

    I realise you might not want to, since you posted anon, but if you wanted to PM me and talk about any of this in further detail, I'd be happy to talk to you and maybe even brighten your mood a little! A problem shared is a problem halved, after-all.
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    thanks to people that have replied. still feeling a mess inside to be fair
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    (Original post by Stinkum)
    that's very sad. you're not alone. Low is my permanent state. I have similar problems to some of the issues you've raised. Not exactly the same, but quite similar. I'm not sure exactly what your experiences are. Anyway, I'm the worst person to be giving advice or pep talks, everything I have to say comes in a highly depressive tone. I think once your spirit is broken, it's hard to get it back, that's why you feel low, that's why I feel low. Anyway, I'm not really sure what to say to that, except that it's really sad and unfortunate. But you have to change, you have to do something about it. Don't let yourself go. It's always very difficult to try to console people online, there's very little you can do unfortunately. If you need someone to talk to, I don't mind.
    for sure my spirit has been totally snapped up
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's definitely a more positive way of looking at it I hope you're right. If only more people could understand how much happier the world would be if everyone thought of others' feelings every once in a while.

    Yeah, I don't agree 100% on every claim a spiritualist makes (though I'd be interested to know what part of Tolle's writing you didn't agree with ) but it's beneficial to take the points that resonate with you and use them to have a positive impact on the way you are. Do you think this dark place is a part of your depression or something which has been caused by negative experiences?
    Who even knows. I dont even know how to define my depression, it's just an ongoing thing.

    As for what I didn't like of Tolle, basically everything. To me he dresses up a lot of waffle in convoluted language and makes everything sound airy fairy. That's how he reads to me. He also makes so many sweeping claims e.g. that we identify and equate objects with ourselves so if you were to take a toy from a baby they would be upset only because he identified the toy with himself, and made the toy the same thing as him as himself in his mind. Therefore according to Tolle we will be happy if we don't equate ourselves with objects. But to me that's bull****, the baby was unhappy not only because he equated the toy with himself but because he enjoyed playing with it and his enjoyment was stopped. In this way Tolle often makes sweeping statements that don't amount to much in reality. He also seems to be really arrogant about what his 'shift in consciousness' can do but to me, when I read what he writes it's pretty much all bull****.
    Sorry to be harsh but you asked my opinion
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've come out of major depression which lasted about 4 years, it wasn't now. 3 years on, I've spent the past 2 years forcing myself to enjoy things and appear enthusiastic but I can't pretend anymore, I can't hide what I am inside. I'm sick of being the person that puts on a smiling face, tries to organise things, tries to motivate other people when I just want someone to do that for me. I know it sounds like I'm being selfish but that's probably just because I am. I wish I could have someone to really trust and rely on all the time, just one person. I would love that. I've felt alone for so long, like everyone lets you down. I just need someone to be there. I'm so scared to make changes in my life and move forward. I wish I could be high just for a second to make me forget the numbness inside me. I feel so dead inside, like I can trust no one. I want to forget everything but it all comes back to me, all the ways I've been let down. I want to be in love but love has only destructed me. Nothing I am saying makes sense I know but I don't know where to run. I have no money and I doubt I'll ever make it. I just want to abuse alcohol and cigarettes at least but people rightly get mad at me when I do that because it's selfish. I don't want to feel so estranged but I do. I'm lost. Totally. Please if anyone feels like this too talk to me. I need to know I'm not the only one that can't sleep at night because they feel dead inside. Loving other people only to get used is grating itself against me. I want to feel love but I don't know what it is.
    You're being too hard on yourself OP, you're not selfish at all. You just want to be happy and there's nothing wrong with that. Sorry I can't be more help but please don't turn to alcohol or cigarettes. It will only mask the problem whilst making it worse. I know you're anonymous but feel free to PM me whenever about anything if you want. You're never alone in this OP. :hugs:
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    I don't know if you're familiar with reddit but the depression sub is incredibly helpful for me when I'm on a real low. My only advice in the short term is have a cup of tea and a biscuit, watch one of your favourite funny movies and try and distract yourself. When its daytime, take a long walk (even if you don't feel like it, force yourself) and just keep walking until the feelings go away. If this is a consistent problem for you I would suggest seeing a GP or health professional who may be able to offer you counselling or something else. If you feel like you have nowhere else to turn, call the samaritans, they will listen even if its the smallest of problems and they will never judge. Don't worry, others are in your position and we understand. You can always PM me if you want a quiet ear :hugs:
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    its not getting any better, in fact its getting worse. it's starting to feel like there really is no point at all. though of course i cant and wouldnt act on it, as much as i want to. can't do that to those around me. i'm starting to think what is the whole point to my existence. to feel hopeless. i can't take it anymore. all i can think about is my own bad luck, to be quite honest. I don't understand why life has ****ed me over like this, I don't know why I feel so lost. I feel like there's no way out. I've never wanted to be dead more but the worse thing is knowing I can't do anything about it.

    Thanks to those thhat have replied. Of course I have tried doctors and counselling. But I cannot escape from this feeling.
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    I think writing helps. getting your feeling down on paper. I also thing you ought to remind yourself that these feelings will pass. there will come a time when it wont hurt this much. Also one thing that really helps me is to remember not to constantly be thinking about my feelings .. i dont know how to properly put it . I mean .. thinking about other people's lives you know? dropping a kind anonymous message to someone. Buying someone on the street flowers and things like that. I hope you feel better soon
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    its not getting any better, in fact its getting worse. it's starting to feel like there really is no point at all. though of course i cant and wouldnt act on it, as much as i want to. can't do that to those around me. i'm starting to think what is the whole point to my existence. to feel hopeless. i can't take it anymore. all i can think about is my own bad luck, to be quite honest. I don't understand why life has ****ed me over like this, I don't know why I feel so lost. I feel like there's no way out. I've never wanted to be dead more but the worse thing is knowing I can't do anything about it.

    Thanks to those thhat have replied. Of course I have tried doctors and counselling. But I cannot escape from this feeling.
    Keep going back to your GP/Counselor until this gets sorted.

    You say you wouldn't act on it, but those particular negative thoughts need to be addressed, and professional help is the only way to sort this.

    Have you gone to your local (large) library? There is this mental health book scheme set up with the NHS, and they will have a section with books specifically tailored for all sorts of issues - have you ever had an official diagnosis? This should help you identify what you need.

    There is also a ton of self-help online, I'll link my faves below: http://www.llttf.com/
    https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
    http://www.papyrus-uk.org/support/for-you
    http://www.mentalhealthmatters.com/o...s/time-online/

    These might help until you get some more help.

    It WILL get better and you WILL start to see changes in yourself. Just give it a little time. Get outside everyday in the sun and fresh air, it will boost your Vitamin D and Seratonin levels. Do a little excersise perhaps? This could be swimming if you don't like organised sports/sweaty gym sessions, or even just a walk in the park. Take your dog out for a walk if you don't already. Take company for your walk. I found talking books helped when I walked so I'd forget where I was/my thoughts.

    Surround yourself with people as much as you can. I'd visit my local library just to have people around me, even if not talking to me. You'll feel much better soon, I promise.

    You are stronger than these feelings, you just have to remember that touch times don't last, but tough people do, and you can get through this!
 
 
 
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