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I'm 28 and haven't had any friends since I was 13 Watch

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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi all,

    I'm a (nearly) 28 year old male who is more or less a major social outcast. The last time I had any significant social life was so long ago it was when I was a child, say around 13.

    At that time I fell out with some of my friends and those ended up becoming my bullies (yeah lovely). So at age 14 I ended moving school from England to Northern Ireland because of this, where I still reside.

    When I came here, I was too afraid to make friends, and in addition to which I had social anxiety which meant that people would also avoid me because I was so strange/socially awkward. I've since been to university (and looking to go back to do a second degree) but ever since I've absolutely had no social life whatsover. Here some examples of what my lack of sociallising has led me to do.

    - I've never had a girlfriend/kissed a girl/still a virgin (virtually impossible without a social life, no opportunities)
    - I've never had facebook/bebo/myspace (haven't got any friends to do so)
    - I don't drink alcohol (no reason to, who am I going to drink with?)
    - I have very few contacts on my mobile phone (around 10 say at most)
    - When travelling, I've always had to go alone (nobody to go with otherwise)
    - I've never been to a nightclub (no reason to, end up looking like a weirdo otherwise)

    People will accuse me of avoiding people, but really the truth is, I avoid people because nobody wants to bother with me and make it blatently obvious, so I feel I have to live like this.

    I've used to be very suicidal over this, a couple of years ago, but then had therapy and have got my life on track a bit more now. I've cured my social anxiety somewhat and I'm more confident when speaking to people now.

    Is there anyone else who lives like this? I know I'm almost certainly going to die a virgin without any social life, if that never picks up.
    • #2
    #2

    How did you cure your social anxiety? I suffer from a lot of the problems you do.
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    I'll be your friend :hugs:

    I'm so sorry that you feel this way, but don't ever think you aren't worth anyone's time or anyone won't be bothered with you.

    Have you thought of taking up hobbies? Volunteering? That's how I met a load of my friends (I was like you in secondary school!) it helped build my confidence big time and I have no problem striking up a conversation with people now, and, having similar interests helps as well and there are lots of groups and societies on here and on fb and probably in your community (I know, NI can be quite boring!) so it's just about getting yourself I there and getting into a positive mindset (and I know that's easier said than done!)

    Have you ever heard of a book called the secret? Moral of the story is, (I don't know if you'll believe this) your mind is on the same frequency as the universe so if you put out positive thoughts, you attract positive influences, but you have to believe it!

    If you need to chat just drop me a pm, I'm not fantastic for advice but I'm a good listener
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    You've got more contacts in your phone than I have...
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    (Original post by ryan9900)
    You've got more contacts in your phone than I have...
    I have my two brothers, my sister, my father, my workplace, and three random acquaintance I met in college but I'm not that close to in anyway. So I have 8.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have my two brothers, my sister, my father, my workplace, and three random acquaintance I met in college but I'm not that close to in anyway. So I have 8.
    I have 6, 3 of which I've never needed or used.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi all,

    I'm a (nearly) 28 year old male who is more or less a major social outcast. The last time I had any significant social life was so long ago it was when I was a child, say around 13.

    At that time I fell out with some of my friends and those ended up becoming my bullies (yeah lovely). So at age 14 I ended moving school from England to Northern Ireland because of this, where I still reside.

    When I came here, I was too afraid to make friends, and in addition to which I had social anxiety which meant that people would also avoid me because I was so strange/socially awkward. I've since been to university (and looking to go back to do a second degree) but ever since I've absolutely had no social life whatsover. Here some examples of what my lack of sociallising has led me to do.

    - I've never had a girlfriend/kissed a girl/still a virgin (virtually impossible without a social life, no opportunities)
    - I've never had facebook/bebo/myspace (haven't got any friends to do so)
    - I don't drink alcohol (no reason to, who am I going to drink with?)
    - I have very few contacts on my mobile phone (around 10 say at most)
    - When travelling, I've always had to go alone (nobody to go with otherwise)
    - I've never been to a nightclub (no reason to, end up looking like a weirdo otherwise)

    People will accuse me of avoiding people, but really the truth is, I avoid people because nobody wants to bother with me and make it blatently obvious, so I feel I have to live like this.

    I've used to be very suicidal over this, a couple of years ago, but then had therapy and have got my life on track a bit more now. I've cured my social anxiety somewhat and I'm more confident when speaking to people now.

    Is there anyone else who lives like this? I know I'm almost certainly going to die a virgin without any social life, if that never picks up.
    Well saw this and thought i'd give some advice from my point of view.

    Ok I know you have some social problems i'm not trying to deny any of that what I'm saying is without having ever met you I have no idea about how you act and how to act differently accordingly but I would say whatever it is you say is making you feel weird or people ignore you. Just try to suppress that part of you as much as you can at least at the start easier said that done I know but most people do it unless they can make it work for them. I'm weird at times but somehow it works for me. Most people i've ever met seemed normal when I first met them then 2 weeks later a bottle of vodka and i'm pleading with them on top of lamppost to stop chasing rabbits.

    Don't drink alcohol? You live in Northern Ireland trust me I know, not drinking is very very rare. I've only ever met maybe 2 people in my age group who don't drink and that was weird. I'm not saying go out and get smashed but its perfectly ok to go to the pub have 2-3 pints alone, stirke up a casual conversation with the barman or someone at the bar about anything. Try it after finishing work some day, i've done it plenty of times still in work clothes etc.

    Think of things you are interested in. Maybe football, or movies, or music or the news or **** it i've had 3 hour long conversations with people while I was hammered talking about more alcohol and i've never met them before.

    The best way is to ease yourself into and don't seem desperate go to a pub or a cafe or somewhere and wait your time and make a comment at the right time, maybe read a newspaper (try the Sun newspaper plenty of ****ed up ridiculous crap in that). The hardest part is the opening but its fairly simple just have a comment/topic that is open to reply. If they reply you can slowly start talking and then whatever but like I said dont force it if they don't reply much just leave it, if they do talk to you for a while don't assume you are best friends leave it casual not desperate.

    Final note- England to Northern Ireland I assume still have your English accent I spoke alot of drinking in bars. Well you should know which places to avoid by now with your accent. Enjoy and try not to lose your knees
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    Most of the contacts on my phone are friends I've made over Twitter. I don't think I even use my phone for real life people, so you're not completely alone.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi all,

    I'm a (nearly) 28 year old male who is more or less a major social outcast. The last time I had any significant social life was so long ago it was when I was a child, say around 13.

    At that time I fell out with some of my friends and those ended up becoming my bullies (yeah lovely). So at age 14 I ended moving school from England to Northern Ireland because of this, where I still reside.

    When I came here, I was too afraid to make friends, and in addition to which I had social anxiety which meant that people would also avoid me because I was so strange/socially awkward. I've since been to university (and looking to go back to do a second degree) but ever since I've absolutely had no social life whatsoever. Here some examples of what my lack of sociallising has led me to do.

    - I've never had a girlfriend/kissed a girl/still a virgin (virtually impossible without a social life, no opportunities)
    - I've never had facebook/bebo/myspace (haven't got any friends to do so)
    - I don't drink alcohol (no reason to, who am I going to drink with?)
    - I have very few contacts on my mobile phone (around 10 say at most)
    - When travelling, I've always had to go alone (nobody to go with otherwise)
    - I've never been to a nightclub (no reason to, end up looking like a weirdo otherwise)

    People will accuse me of avoiding people, but really the truth is, I avoid people because nobody wants to bother with me and make it blatently obvious, so I feel I have to live like this.

    I've used to be very suicidal over this, a couple of years ago, but then had therapy and have got my life on track a bit more now. I've cured my social anxiety somewhat and I'm more confident when speaking to people now.

    Is there anyone else who lives like this? I know I'm almost certainly going to die a virgin without any social life, if that never picks up.
    Omg...are you actually me? Did I create this thread a few hours ago and somehow lost any recollection of it? I must have done, because (except for a few minor details) that's almost exactly the same situation that I'm in. I'm 22 now, I once had a friend in year 8 and then another friend in year 11, both friendships lasted very briefly. Since then, I've been completely friendless just like you. Utterly and completely friendless.

    I was surprised when you mentioned your phone contacts, it's exactly the same as me. I never ever receive texts or calls from anyone except family members, I only use my phone as a music device basically, I don't carry it on me. I have just a single contact on my main phone believe it or not. Never used facebook, don't know anyone so have no one to add, wouldn't make any sense to use it.

    So...you're not alone. I know exactly what it's like to live life completely friendless. I think you reach a stage where you get used to it eventually. Friends become another unreachable fantasy, like getting rich or becoming famous. I often daydream about what life would be like if I had friends.

    Anyway, there are more important things in life for you to focus on. Studies, work, money...doesn't leave much room for extra things like making friends.

    Don't know what else to say. I find it frustrating on a daily basis, like sometimes I feel like I'd really like to share something with someone e.g. if I have a funny or an interesting story to tell, or a joke. But there's no one there to tell it to, so I just shake it off and move on.

    Some people are meant to be alone. No one likes them because they are dull, boring, uninteresting and have absolutely nothing to offer. I certainly can't blame people for not wanting to become friends with me, the fault lies with me. I'm still quite approachable, I'm not socially awkward at all. But anyway, I have more important things to address and worry about, i.e. my studies. So I've decided to at least try to focus more on that. I used to pity myself quite a lot in the beginning, but now I'm used to it. I'm completely dead and broken inside basically.

    In fact, I made a thread similar to this a few years ago, it's still on here lol, complaining about having no friends and no social life. I decided to go back and re-read it, years later, and realised that my situation didn't change at all in all these years, not one bit. Here's my thread http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=1364423 got some nice replies from some nice people, it helped.
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    Okay you can save this but listen to me and don't make excuses like 90% of the losers who post on here for help do.

    You need to find some kind of sports club where people your age attend regularly. You'll maybe try a few different ones before finding one you like but when you do you'll meet similar minded people and be forced to play on teams with them. By exposure, you will become these people's friend.
    • #3
    #3

    I understand your pain as i'm quite similar to you, I suffer from huge Social anxiety and has not even have one proper friend since i left school three years. Because of this i am going through a college crisis as i've lost count on how many times i've tried myself to complete one stupid BTEC or Access course.

    I believe that people hate people who are seen as loners or are seen as shy and thats why i ****ing hate this world as it's a competition in my view to see who is the most social..
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    (Original post by LadyEcliptic)
    I'll be your friend :hugs:

    I'm so sorry that you feel this way, but don't ever think you aren't worth anyone's time or anyone won't be bothered with you.

    Have you thought of taking up hobbies? Volunteering? That's how I met a load of my friends (I was like you in secondary school!) it helped build my confidence big time and I have no problem striking up a conversation with people now, and, having similar interests helps as well and there are lots of groups and societies on here and on fb and probably in your community (I know, NI can be quite boring!) so it's just about getting yourself I there and getting into a positive mindset (and I know that's easier said than done!)

    Have you ever heard of a book called the secret? Moral of the story is, (I don't know if you'll believe this) your mind is on the same frequency as the universe so if you put out positive thoughts, you attract positive influences, but you have to believe it!

    If you need to chat just drop me a pm, I'm not fantastic for advice but I'm a good listener
    fair play helping him kiddo

    the same goes for me pm me

    the difference...I actually have good advice
    • #4
    #4

    See if you can find support groups. There are loads for mental health/ social anxiety issues. You can in get to know others with social anxiety. I was trying to look for support groups but most of them are for people with mental health issues which I don't have. Good luck. Also try a website called experienceproject.com
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    You said you have siblings, are they close in age to you? You could meet with them and their friends and befriend them maybe? What about your co-workers?

    Or like people said join a sports/hobby club, do some volunteering, church groups.
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    (Original post by trustmeimlying1)
    fair play helping him kiddo

    the same goes for me pm me

    the difference...I actually have good advice
    You wish mate, you never even reply to your pm
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    (Original post by Stevenishungover)

    Final note- England to Northern Ireland I assume still have your English accent I spoke alot of drinking in bars. Well you should know which places to avoid by now with your accent. Enjoy and try not to lose your knees
    Your advice was good until this -- what utter stereotyped nonsense.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi all,

    I'm a (nearly) 28 year old male who is more or less a major social outcast. The last time I had any significant social life was so long ago it was when I was a child, say around 13.

    At that time I fell out with some of my friends and those ended up becoming my bullies (yeah lovely). So at age 14 I ended moving school from England to Northern Ireland because of this, where I still reside.

    When I came here, I was too afraid to make friends, and in addition to which I had social anxiety which meant that people would also avoid me because I was so strange/socially awkward. I've since been to university (and looking to go back to do a second degree) but ever since I've absolutely had no social life whatsover. Here some examples of what my lack of sociallising has led me to do.

    - I've never had a girlfriend/kissed a girl/still a virgin (virtually impossible without a social life, no opportunities)
    - I've never had facebook/bebo/myspace (haven't got any friends to do so)
    - I don't drink alcohol (no reason to, who am I going to drink with?)
    - I have very few contacts on my mobile phone (around 10 say at most)
    - When travelling, I've always had to go alone (nobody to go with otherwise)
    - I've never been to a nightclub (no reason to, end up looking like a weirdo otherwise)

    People will accuse me of avoiding people, but really the truth is, I avoid people because nobody wants to bother with me and make it blatently obvious, so I feel I have to live like this.

    I've used to be very suicidal over this, a couple of years ago, but then had therapy and have got my life on track a bit more now. I've cured my social anxiety somewhat and I'm more confident when speaking to people now.

    Is there anyone else who lives like this? I know I'm almost certainly going to die a virgin without any social life, if that never picks up.
    I used to have agoraphobia and I still have social anxiety. I'm trying to get my life back on track, but it isn't easy. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk
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    (Original post by brightonlad89)
    Your advice was good until this -- what utter stereotyped nonsense.
    With a name like brightonlad im gonna assume you are not from Northern Ireland but you might be so whatever.

    So please tell me all about the Northern Irish problems that still exist today.

    It's not a stereotype its just simple facts. I'm from Northern Ireland I was born in 1 area and into a religion I don't nor have I ever practiced yet I still know some bars are meant to be avoided because of the way I was born that's all. The bars in question and yes they are on both sides of this so called 'war' are the smaller bars that the older bigots dwell in and cannot let go of stupid **** so no matter how nice you may be simply of how/where you were born they can discriminate against you. Even in my own 'side' I still avoid their bars with the bigots on my again so called 'side' because I don't share their views and they would discriminate against me.

    So unless you know everything about growing up and living in Northern Ireland kindly keep your opinion to yourself. If you don't live here you know nothing.
    • #5
    #5

    Hmm, sounds kind of similar to myself except I've realized that I actively avoid making friends. I'm so used to people walking away from me in terms of friends/relationships that I do it before they can. So everyone is kept at a distance. I don't know your story but maybe this is something you're subconsciously doing too? I don't have a solution. I just always expect the worst of people. Maybe try some social groups and try to be positive/optimistic.
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    tsr is the right.
 
 
 
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