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Breaking up near a birthday and holiday Watch

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    Hi. So I've been with my boyfriend for about 5 months now. It's just not working for me, but I think he feels we are fine and often talks about long term stuff, so I feel I should end it now if I don't feel committed. He's very clingy and a little controlling at times.Problem is, we live about an hours train journey away, so we only see each other weekly and have to organise our dates in advance. Do I make him travel to me justfor me to break up? Or do I go to him? Or just do it via text and be a coward?His birthday is coming up, and he has an exam then a holiday coming soon too, so basically I would ruin his birthday and holiday. How unfair is this? I don't want to be selfish but at the same time I'm really not happy and just need to move on. Next time we see each other is a day after his exam, then he goes on holiday and then it's his birthday.Thanks for any advice!Do I just arrange to meet him as usual, cause we usually plan a day togetHer:confused:
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    You do it after the three important life events. You'd be really nasty if you dumped him just before these; think how you would feel. You might make him fail his exam and cause his birthday to be crap. The birthday obviously isn't as bad (but is still nasty), but the outcome of the exam could change his life and you'd have a great part in that. Suck it up and do it after his birthday; let him have his last few weeks of normality.
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    You can't force yourself to like someone, it will make you begin to resent the person and eventually it will hurt them even more as they become more emotionally invested.
    I think that what you're doing is mature, and I think you should arrange to meet him- but make it clear it won't be for a day together and that you wont be staying long. Perhaps meet in a coffee shop (cliche I know) or a small, public space- close to his as he will obviously be upset and will probably not want to travel a long way after being dumped.

    Regarding his holiday, it will give him a chance to relax and set his mind straight- new scenery and atmosphere. Suggest if he wants to be friends, but only if you actually do want to be friends!

    Just know you're not a horrible person, it is only natural and you're actually being mature about it all!
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    Tbh I was seeing a girl for 2 years, and she decided to break up for a badly explained reason.

    This was a week before her birthday (which I was excited about and taking her shopping for her rather expensive present) and 2 weeks before our first holiday together. Whatever you do his summer 'will' be ruined.

    However if you want to end it you 'have' to do it as soon as possible.
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    There is no 'right' time to do this, you will hurt him regardless.
    While I would say that it's best to nip it in the bud and end it as soon as possible, please think of him and at least break up with him after his exams. He will move on eventually, but... just give it some thought.
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    I know someone who broke up with their boyfriend on Christmas eve! :eek: they even lived together so imagine how awkward that must have been!

    Anyhoo, like others have said there is no right time to break up with someone and it will hurt them and ruin the next little while for them regardless of when or how nice you say you want to break up. If he's not for you and you 100% want to end it, just do it. Its not fair on you to go along with something your heart isn't in and its not fair on him to be dragged on by someone who isn't in love with him.
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    Just do it your planned meet after his exam. You really, really don't want to feel responsible for messing up his exams, which could impact the rest of his life. Holiday, however, as I'm assuming he's not going with you gives him time away from you anyway and he'll be busy so won't have to think about it. I wouldn't drag on a dead relationship for a birthday, either.
    Oh, and please go to him. It'd be awful to make him travel for something like that and then he won't even be able to be in his own surroundings. It might not be ideal for you to travel to do it, but it's the most respectful thing.
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    Respect and decency require a face to face break up. I suggest going to him. The only thing I would factor in is to make it post exam. Regarding the other things, there is never a good time and once you've made the decision the 'off treatment' which inevitably arises is actually just as hurtful as being dumped.
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    (Original post by DanB1991)
    Tbh I was seeing a girl for 2 years, and she decided to break up for a badly explained reason.

    This was a week before her birthday (which I was excited about and taking her shopping for her rather expensive present) and 2 weeks before our first holiday together. Whatever you do his summer 'will' be ruined.

    However if you want to end it you 'have' to do it as soon as possible.
    Yes but it was HER birthday not yours? I think its pretty nice of her to break things off with you before you'd spent loads of money on a present for her... A lot of girls I know would wait until after so that they get a nice expensive present! Seems like she did a decent thing tbh...
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    This is a hard one indeed. I don't think I could break up with a girl which was totally in love with me and talked about the future. I couldn't bring myself to reject another human being. Despite that, there is always things to like in every girl.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes but it was HER birthday not yours? I think its pretty nice of her to break things off with you before you'd spent loads of money on a present for her... A lot of girls I know would wait until after so that they get a nice expensive present! Seems like she did a decent thing tbh...
    Don't think you got the point of my post.... But mehhhh I suppose, tbh though can't explain how much I was looking forward to spending time with her and been hyping up the summer which to me was more important than the money. Mind you it is pretty weird how I prefer other peoples birthdays to my own :rolleyes:

    I actually did loose a fair amount of money due to having to transfer money back from euro's and had to cancel surprise trip to london and lost the deposit on that :/

    Either way point stands, I was more talking about it ruining her (presumably) ex's summer.... the OP has to do it as soon as possible but her bf's summer will be ruined, just no way to get round that.

    Edit: And why the Anonymous post? Lol hardly gonna shank you over that post
 
 
 
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