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How to become more confident? Watch

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    ....as the title suggests I want to become more confident.

    Generally I think my problems stem from my mental health problems, low self-esteem, no confidence, and insecurities.

    This affects me across the board in my life (relationships especially) but also my expectations and where I see myself going. I just want to be happy and confident and feel like I am on top of the world you know?

    More recently, I have been thinking about the future; in terms of my girlfriend and our relationship (whether we will stay together, whether she likes me, whether she has the time for me), a whole myriad of things that run through my mind.

    Additionally, I always think about what I'm going to do after university, seen as I am a soon to be third year. I am doing an arts based degree (some might say mickey mouse!), and I have no real direction with it. Since its such a broad subject I study (Digital Media), and there isn't clear distinctions as to what jobs I could go into...not in the sense that say a Law student would have a clear pathway.

    On top of all this, everything is so competitive academically, vocationally and professionally. I just feel so out of touch with the world. One practical example of how I feel is, on my course there are loads of people that are creatively talented, so much so that they make the majority of the average people look bad.

    I don't even see myself as average...there was a point at which I used to think I was good, then I came to university and my bubble opened. I was exposed to lots of equally good people, and the reality set in. This should spur me on, but to be honest, it just makes me sink into a depression over it.

    I get 60's and the odd 70 in my marks at uni, but I just feel this isn't good enough. My work visually is somewhat average.

    How can I compete when I know I am not as good as other people, and I have no other redeeming qualities. I would feel much better if I was the sort of guy that was cool, could hold a conversation with an attractive girl or had something else going for me outside of uni, but I don't.

    I am in a minimum wage job (have been for eight years since I left school), I worry about the value and potential of my degree, and the debt and whether I will actually even get myself into the industry I want. I don't want to be in this job forever, or stuck in this mindset all my life.

    Then comes relationship issues of, will we stay together, will she outdo me, as she is training to be a teacher, wants to do a PGCE and has goals. I am lost, as I thought I knew where I wanted to be.
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    What is your confidence connected to ?

    For example, a chef has low confidence if people dislike his food. High confidence if people like it.

    Do things that give you a reason to feel good. A challenging task.

    When were you last confident ? What were you doing ? Why did you feel happy and confident during that time ?

    How could you replicate those situations and feelings ?

    When did you start deciding your work wasn't good enough ? If your work was good and you were top of your class, would you be confident ?

    There will always be someone worse than us. Someone better than us. The point is not to compare ourselves to others at all.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by democracyforum)
    What is your confidence connected to ?

    For example, a chef has low confidence if people dislike his food. High confidence if people like it.

    Do things that give you a reason to feel good. A challenging task.

    When were you last confident ? What were you doing ? Why did you feel happy and confident during that time ?

    How could you replicate those situations and feelings ?

    When did you start deciding your work wasn't good enough ? If your work was good and you were top of your class, would you be confident ?

    There will always be someone worse than us. Someone better than us. The point is not to compare ourselves to others at all.
    I guess my low confidence is connected to my relationships. To include how I see myself and how others see me, what they think. My main problem at the moment is being clingy and always seeking validation.

    Last time I was confident was probably a couple of years ago (2011) shortly before I went to university for first time, in which I was in college completing work and hitting all of my targets. But I've always had an unstable mentality...

    I started deciding my work was inadequate when I was I'm university in 2011, I never fitted in, although I initially I liked the course, my weaknesses in other areas got the better of me. I.e. Socialising, which is a core component of getting on in uni.
    If you've watched 'The Secret Live of Students' recently on channel 4, I was much like "Lauren" was during my time at uni. Essentially an outcast that hated going out and getting drunk, yet I envied people because they were going out, had confidence, were getting laid and still producing great work.

    I however ended up letting these thoughts win over me, got depressed, started wanting to see myself dead. Felt ashamed I wasn't cope like them.

    Ever since I've been up and down, though a marked improvement, I still feel down.

    I always have compares myself to others, tahrs the point, I cannot get out of the cycle.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I guess my low confidence is connected to my relationships. To include how I see myself and how others see me, what they think. My main problem at the moment is being clingy and always seeking validation.

    Last time I was confident was probably a couple of years ago (2011) shortly before I went to university for first time, in which I was in college completing work and hitting all of my targets. But I've always had an unstable mentality...

    I started deciding my work was inadequate when I was I'm university in 2011, I never fitted in, although I initially I liked the course, my weaknesses in other areas got the better of me. I.e. Socialising, which is a core component of getting on in uni.
    If you've watched 'The Secret Live of Students' recently on channel 4, I was much like "Lauren" was during my time at uni. Essentially an outcast that hated going out and getting drunk, yet I envied people because they were going out, had confidence, were getting laid and still producing great work.

    I however ended up letting these thoughts win over me, got depressed, started wanting to see myself dead. Felt ashamed I wasn't cope like them.

    Ever since I've been up and down, though a marked improvement, I still feel down.

    I always have compares myself to others, tahrs the point, I cannot get out of the cycle.
    I feel exactly the same and their are eerie similarities between our circumstances. I feel a little better knowing I am not the only one and I hope that you do too.
 
 
 
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