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What is he trying to do to me, I'm feeling hurt and heartbroken.. watch

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    This post might be long, sorry I just have to write this because it's something that's getting to me and I really would like some help I would appreciate some advice. Posting anonymously due to the sensitive nature.

    A guy messaged me on twitter 3 months ago after I started to follow him and since then we've been talking, he messaged me said he found me attractive/sexy etc.. from my display picture.

    The guy is a well known actor/producer in LA, after a few DMs I told him I'm interested in an acting career, always loved films.. Initially I didn't find him attractive, looks wise I wouldn't go for him (The fact that I didn't find him attractive and I'm not going to start being a Gold digger now and demand a career, I know no one owes me a living)

    Then after speaking on twitter DMs, he wanted me to him as a friend Facebook his personal account and I did. After we spoke on fb messenger for an hour I quickly found out he's a very sexual person, which is something I'm not used to.. I'm naturally shy and I shut myself off from male attention I avoided telling him my past at first he was being upfront and saying all this sexual stuff sending me multiple messages, and kept asking me to add him to Skype.. just a few days after I started talking to him on FB. I told him about my past, I was sexually abused when I was a child and because of that I have very little confidence in myself and I have self esteem/worth issues. I shut myself off for so many years I'm in my 20s and for all of my adult life so far I've avoided male attention it was something I did to protect myself.
    When we first started talking I was just so hesitant talking to him, I would always delay my replies and he would type really quickly.

    After telling him my past, he seemed to be really supportive and understanding he mentioned he has a friend who has been through the same thing and 95% of his past relationships were with women who've been through the same thing and then he mentioned he knows how to handle me. After he told me that I did start feeling ok talking to him/ started to trust him. After a week talking to him on FB Then he asked me again to add him to Skype and talk to him on there. I was again feeling hesitant but he told me everything will be fine just try to trust him he was being really persuasive and I just gave in and just added him on Skype. The first time spoke on Skype we just talked, it was nice. Then after a few times of just talking on Skype he asked me to show my breasts to him and once again he asked me to trust him and again I was feeling hesitant again he was persuasive and I did show him my breasts, as things progressed over weeks he asked me to show him more of my body and in stages I did and now I'm surprised with myself that I've shown him my body because for my adult life so far I sworn to myself not to show my body to anyone and I'm embarrassed. He still finds me attractive and sexy. Since his conversations are always of a sexual nature he wants me to call him "master" and he calls me "his slut" during anything sexual, he said my body belongs to him which I'm not comfortable with at all.

    I just recently just found out when talking to him on Skype, I just by chance asked him about what we are if this was a relationship? Because he never defined what we/this is, always the conversations on Skype were more of the sexual side and then he would jack off while looking at my body then once he was satisfied then he'd say bye then close the conversation then we'd talk later on FB.

    I asked him recently what this is between us, because he wasn't upfront before he told me that he's divorced and doesn't see himself being in a committed relationship then he asked me to be one of his girls and I asked him how many women are you sleeping with then? He just said he 2 women he sleeps with on a regular basis he also told me the number varies. I asked him if he's being safe with these women, I told him I don't watch to catch anything, he assured me he's being safe.

    Now this makes me feel very uncomfortable about the fact that he's seeing and being with other women, because before he told me this I started feeling him after showing my body to him on Skype because I started to trust him. But now I feel like he's only interested in sex from me and I wasn't expecting that. He tells me when he's in London he'll see me we'll have sex while he's here and then he will still find other women in London while he's here to have sex with.

    I'm really uncomfortable with that situation, I didn't have the confidence to tell him I'm not comfortable with that situation, I just said I'll let him do as he pleases. Which I hand on my heart I don't want that, because I'm giving myself to someone never thought I'd be in a situation like this, I always had faith that in the future I'll meet one man who is worth giving myself to and not like this. Being in a committed relationship with someone who loves and cares for me, that would be my ideal situation.

    He also keeps mentioning to me this is how all normal women act, in his words enjoy the attention enjoy sex like all women to be a normal healthy women. Then I think what is exactly normal, with the life I've experienced so far.

    When we first started talking he said that what we have we could become great friends or more but now after what he said recently makes me doubt what he said to me when we first started talking to each other. He's not being forthcoming it makes me wonder how genuine he actually is, he says a lot of things like this he contradicts himself.

    He also gives me loads of compliments and says things of a supportive way so that I do what he asks me to do on Skype, he tells me things to do on Skype I've said no to but him being so persuasive I've given in, even when I didn't want to, I just did.

    All of this is reminding me of the sexual abuse that I was subjected to in the past, he doesn't know how much I've cried and all of this is bringing up flashbacks, I can't sleep I'm feeling quite scared at the moment.

    Also in my life my father wasn't there for me, I think that might be the reason why I'm trying to hold on to this guy try to make him be there for me.

    I've noticed when we are talking on Skype I talk about other topics other than sex he's not interested / appears distant even distracts himself going on his laptop and because I'm too polite I don't say anything.

    In FB conversations he wants me to call him "master" every time I speak to him, there are times I've not felt like calling him that so I just call him by his name and he gets really annoyed and once he told me he was going to give up because I'm not making enough effort as he is. I told him I'm sorry I will try and that was before he told me about the other women he has sex with..

    I want to stop myself from getting more hurt by this because I have already started having feelings for this guy and for the past month I've in a way closed myself off not sending him as much texts but this hasn't stopped him talking to me.

    Honestly I don't know what to do, I do like him but I feel like I can't be with someone who's interested in Polyamory, it's not something I wanted to be involved with ever, considering my past and my issues with my confidence. I've stopped messaging him as much but I still talk to him if he sends me a message and he's starting to understand me he's stopped sending me so many messages everyday..

    He told me he has someone who lives near him in LA who's been through a lot with him that he cares for her he's been with her for years and that they regularly has sex.. when he told me that my heart just sank.. I wanted to cry because I never would've thought I'd be a "side chick" ever in my life. After he told me that, I asked if he cares about me given my what's happend to me in my past.. he told me well it's different between us, I asked him in what way? He just said that you need a man that you can trust and be comfortable with and then he said that was him but he never said that he cares for me that really upset me.

    He also told me he doesn't want me to be in a relationship with someone else for a year or more because he said that I'll be giving so much of myself to the other guy and he just wants me to be with him but not in a relationship with him. Honestly this makes me upset, he doesn't want me to be in a relationship with him and yet he doesn't want me to be with anyone else. Is he trying to play with my emotions, brake me, use me, make me feel even more worthless? What are his intentions?

    Will he ever change? Will he ever value me as I should feel like from him. He' the only guy who has been upfront and shown that he's interested in me, like I said I have closed off in the past at attention from men in general.

    I don't want to be just a booty call.

    I don't know what to do, this is really messing with my mind I like him but the way he's treating me is just breaking my heart.

    Thank you for taking the time to read this, any advice I would appreciate it.

    ------------------

    Also please don't ask me to disclose any details on this man, because I will not share his name.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This post might be long, sorry I just have to write this because it's something that's getting to me and I really would like some help I would appreciate some advice. Posting anonymously due to the sensitive nature.

    A guy messaged me on twitter 3 months ago after I started to follow him and since then we've been talking, he messaged me said he found me attractive/sexy etc.. from my display picture.

    The guy is a well known actor/producer in LA, after a few DMs I told him I'm interested in an acting career, always loved films.. Initially I didn't find him attractive, looks wise I wouldn't go for him (The fact that I didn't find him attractive and I'm not going to start being a Gold digger now and demand a career, I know no one owes me a living)

    Then after speaking on twitter DMs, he wanted me to him as a friend Facebook his personal account and I did. After we spoke on fb messenger for an hour I quickly found out he's a very sexual person, which is something I'm not used to.. I'm naturally shy and I shut myself off from male attention I avoided telling him my past at first he was being upfront and saying all this sexual stuff sending me multiple messages, and kept asking me to add him to Skype.. just a few days after I started talking to him on FB. I told him about my past, I was sexually abused when I was a child and because of that I have very little confidence in myself and I have self esteem/worth issues. I shut myself off for so many years I'm in my 20s and for all of my adult life so far I've avoided male attention it was something I did to protect myself.
    When we first started talking I was just so hesitant talking to him, I would always delay my replies and he would type really quickly.

    After telling him my past, he seemed to be really supportive and understanding he mentioned he has a friend who has been through the same thing and 95% of his past relationships were with women who've been through the same thing and then he mentioned he knows how to handle me. After he told me that I did start feeling ok talking to him/ started to trust him. After a week talking to him on FB Then he asked me again to add him to Skype and talk to him on there. I was again feeling hesitant but he told me everything will be fine just try to trust him he was being really persuasive and I just gave in and just added him on Skype. The first time spoke on Skype we just talked, it was nice. Then after a few times of just talking on Skype he asked me to show my breasts to him and once again he asked me to trust him and again I was feeling hesitant again he was persuasive and I did show him my breasts, as things progressed over weeks he asked me to show him more of my body and in stages I did and now I'm surprised with myself that I've shown him my body because for my adult life so far I sworn to myself not to show my body to anyone and I'm embarrassed. He still finds me attractive and sexy. Since his conversations are always of a sexual nature he wants me to call him "master" and he calls me "his slut" during anything sexual, he said my body belongs to him which I'm not comfortable with at all.

    I just recently just found out when talking to him on Skype, I just by chance asked him about what we are if this was a relationship? Because he never defined what we/this is, always the conversations on Skype were more of the sexual side and then he would jack off while looking at my body then once he was satisfied then he'd say bye then close the conversation then we'd talk later on FB.

    I asked him recently what this is between us, because he wasn't upfront before he told me that he's divorced and doesn't see himself being in a committed relationship then he asked me to be one of his girls and I asked him how many women are you sleeping with then? He just said he 2 women he sleeps with on a regular basis he also told me the number varies. I asked him if he's being safe with these women, I told him I don't watch to catch anything, he assured me he's being safe.

    Now this makes me feel very uncomfortable about the fact that he's seeing and being with other women, because before he told me this I started feeling him after showing my body to him on Skype because I started to trust him. But now I feel like he's only interested in sex from me and I wasn't expecting that. He tells me when he's in London he'll see me we'll have sex while he's here and then he will still find other women in London while he's here to have sex with.

    I'm really uncomfortable with that situation, I didn't have the confidence to tell him I'm not comfortable with that situation, I just said I'll let him do as he pleases. Which I hand on my heart I don't want that, because I'm giving myself to someone never thought I'd be in a situation like this, I always had faith that in the future I'll meet one man who is worth giving myself to and not like this. Being in a committed relationship with someone who loves and cares for me, that would be my ideal situation.

    He also keeps mentioning to me this is how all normal women act, in his words enjoy the attention enjoy sex like all women to be a normal healthy women. Then I think what is exactly normal, with the life I've experienced so far.

    When we first started talking he said that what we have we could become great friends or more but now after what he said recently makes me doubt what he said to me when we first started talking to each other. He's not being forthcoming it makes me wonder how genuine he actually is, he says a lot of things like this he contradicts himself.

    He also gives me loads of compliments and says things of a supportive way so that I do what he asks me to do on Skype, he tells me things to do on Skype I've said no to but him being so persuasive I've given in, even when I didn't want to, I just did.

    All of this is reminding me of the sexual abuse that I was subjected to in the past, he doesn't know how much I've cried and all of this is bringing up flashbacks, I can't sleep I'm feeling quite scared at the moment.

    Also in my life my father wasn't there for me, I think that might be the reason why I'm trying to hold on to this guy try to make him be there for me.

    I've noticed when we are talking on Skype I talk about other topics other than sex he's not interested / appears distant even distracts himself going on his laptop and because I'm too polite I don't say anything.

    In FB conversations he wants me to call him "master" every time I speak to him, there are times I've not felt like calling him that so I just call him by his name and he gets really annoyed and once he told me he was going to give up because I'm not making enough effort as he is. I told him I'm sorry I will try and that was before he told me about the other women he has sex with..

    I want to stop myself from getting more hurt by this because I have already started having feelings for this guy and for the past month I've in a way closed myself off not sending him as much texts but this hasn't stopped him talking to me.

    Honestly I don't know what to do, I do like him but I feel like I can't be with someone who's interested in Polyamory, it's not something I wanted to be involved with ever, considering my past and my issues with my confidence. I've stopped messaging him as much but I still talk to him if he sends me a message and he's starting to understand me he's stopped sending me so many messages everyday..

    He told me he has someone who lives near him in LA who's been through a lot with him that he cares for her he's been with her for years and that they regularly has sex.. when he told me that my heart just sank.. I wanted to cry because I never would've thought I'd be a "side chick" ever in my life. After he told me that, I asked if he cares about me given my what's happend to me in my past.. he told me well it's different between us, I asked him in what way? He just said that you need a man that you can trust and be comfortable with and then he said that was him but he never said that he cares for me that really upset me.

    He also told me he doesn't want me to be in a relationship with someone else for a year or more because he said that I'll be giving so much of myself to the other guy and he just wants me to be with him but not in a relationship with him. Honestly this makes me upset, he doesn't want me to be in a relationship with him and yet he doesn't want me to be with anyone else. Is he trying to play with my emotions, brake me, use me, make me feel even more worthless? What are his intentions?

    Will he ever change? Will he ever value me as I should feel like from him. He' the only guy who has been upfront and shown that he's interested in me, like I said I have closed off in the past at attention from men in general.

    I don't want to be just a booty call.

    I don't know what to do, this is really messing with my mind I like him but the way he's treating me is just breaking my heart.

    Thank you for taking the time to read this, any advice I would appreciate it.

    ------------------

    Also please don't ask me to disclose any details on this man, because I will not share his name.

    DELETE
    him, and delete him now.

    It's broken my heart to read this because I have been in a similar situation as you, and all it ended up bringing was a lot of depression, self hate and heart break into my life. He is using you. Plain and simple. He doesn't honestly care for you, he's only telling you what you want to hear. He's using you for your body. If he really did care about you so much, he wouldn't just be interested in seeing your body on Skype. He'd want to get to know you personally, know about your likes, dislikes, fears, love, pet peeves... Just basically everything about you.

    He used the fact that you're interested in acting to reel you in. From the moment he messaged you, all I could think of was that his intentions were never platonic, he just wanted sexual favours from you. You've opened yourself up to this man who clearly doesn't give a **** about you and it's sad because out there somewhere, a guy would have loved to help you and be there for you, and genuinely care for you.

    The fact that he never seems to try and have a conversation with you that doesn't revolve around anything sexual is a big red flag as well. I can tell you're vulnerable so I understand why you're clinging onto this man, but seriously, let him go please. He's only going to continue to hurt you.

    There's not much else that I can say other than completely get rid of him.

    He doesn't know you on a personal level, and I highly doubt you'll ever bump into each other, so there's no harm in deleting and blocking him on twitter, facebook and skype.
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    OP, I'm usually a lurker not a poster, but I can't hold back here.

    He's a user. He's using you for attention and sex - online for now, but he wants to come over to London and have sex with you, then go out to have sex with someone else (possibly several someones). You have come through some horrible experiences and you deserve better than that. No one deserves that sort of treatment but ESPECIALLY not someone who's weak, vulnerable and hoping for a gentle, kind and loving man to take care of her. (I mean nothing negative by any of that, only that guys like him target people like you because they know your hope will keep you coming back.)

    I see so much of myself in you. I've allowed a man to treat me like utter crap. I've been cheated on, hidden from family and friends, treated like dirt, thrown out of my own home and kept going back for more because I thought he cared for me. It sounds mad now but when you're a certain kind of person in that situation, it all seems to make sense. I bet your situation makes sense to you in some way, but please believe me that your post is screaming danger. You talk about feeling worthless and tearful, about being manipulated into doing things you aren't comfortable with. This man is poison.

    I'm saying to you what I would say to my younger self if I could. Get out now. The guy who is worth it is on his way.

    I wish I could give you a hug.


    Ed: and everything Novascope said too.
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    Coming from one here..Men are SUCH D*@KS. I would agree that it would be completely best to leave this guy well and truly alone. What he has done to this situation is not ok. He's essentially playing on your vulnerability. He knows nothing about a normal healthy relationship. It's not healthy to be finding random people and playing on weakness. I really hope that you find someone who genuinely does know how to handle you. I'm not giving up faith yet. There will be a nice guy out there for you. Stay strong gal
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    It saddens me that when you told him your past he was still cruel enough to take advantage of your emotional vulnerability. Block him.
    He is being manipulative, selfish and cruel and you do not deserve to be treated lthis way. There really are plenty of good men out there who would be as disgusted with his behaviour as any woman and you deserve to find one of those who will genuinely support you, be patient with you whilst they EARN your trust (not demand it or emotionally blackmail you for it as he essentially did) and show you what a good relationship can be.
    The thing to remember here is that you have done nothing wrong, at all. The problem here is him, not you.
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    Why would you even want to change him? You could have someone who actually respects you, not someone who tells you to strip on Skype whilst calling you a slut...
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    . i respect you op for pouring out your emotions but its clear that you have some problems in your life and past and you cant blame that on him.
    Apart from the master bit i dont think hes done anything wrong. he's a man at the end of the day.
    You should have known the deal when he asked you to show your breasts on skype.
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    (Original post by matthewduncan)
    . i respect you op for pouring out your emotions but its clear that you have some problems in your life and past and you cant blame that on him.
    Apart from the master bit i dont think hes done anything wrong. he's a man at the end of the day.
    You should have known the deal when he asked you to show your breasts on skype.
    Did you actually read what she said?
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    (Original post by Novascope)
    Did you actually read what she said?
    Yeah hes not doing too much wrong
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    You deserve someone MUCH BETTER! It was really sad to read your post and I would, like everyone else, advice to STOP talking to him. I know this will be very hard as you never really opened up like this to any guy before and you like him. You thought he was that one guy that will understand you, your past, your desires - but trust me, if more time passes you will feel even more worthless and unimportant to him

    He is behaving like this while sitting behind a screen, imagine what he would do when he is actually with you? How will he make you feel? There is no guarantee. He seems to say nice things maybe but how much I hate to say this, I can only see one purpose behind this which is sex. This is no man you can show your feelings to, expect him to be a gentleman, or have a heart to heart conversation with.

    You would want someone that will love and care for you for who you are, not for your body. What is he doing? Acting like an obsessed sex freak. I completely understand it is hard for you to really trust someone because of your past but trust me - you will find your prince charming one day

    It is just NOT HIM.


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    Leave him. Leave him now.
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    This man is using you, he is using your insecurity and taking advantage of you. And from his comments he does this often. Do NOT have sex with this man he is manipulating you and you deserve so much better. A real man would not play up your insecurities (i.e. normal women do this) to get you to do what they want. I know it'll be hard but cut all contact with him and block him
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    (Original post by xDave-)
    Why would you even want to change him? You could have someone who actually respects you, not someone who tells you to strip on Skype whilst calling you a slut...

    (Original post by matthewduncan)
    . i respect you op for pouring out your emotions but its clear that you have some problems in your life and past and you cant blame that on him.
    Apart from the master bit i dont think hes done anything wrong. he's a man at the end of the day.
    You should have known the deal when he asked you to show your breasts on skype.
    You guys are the very reason men like this exist in society.

    You disgust me the pair of you. You clearly have no idea about women.

    I am genuienly baffled and don't know what to say but erm good luck in life I guess.
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    (Original post by katbob)
    You guys are the very reason men like this exist in society.

    You disgust me the pair of you. You clearly have no idea about women.

    I am genuienly baffled and don't know what to say but erm good luck in life I guess.
    So you think women don't deserve any respect and should be called sluts?

    Wot.
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    (Original post by xDave-)
    So you think women don't deserve any respect and should be called sluts?

    Wot.
    Haha, I'm thinking the same thing. She probably misquoted. Chill brah, you're good.
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    (Original post by xDave-)
    So you think women don't deserve any respect and should be called sluts?

    Wot.
    Lolol I didn't say that.
    With you I guess I was mainly saying you don't understand women.

    We can't just sever a connection like that. Damn I wish we could but we can't especially in the OPs instance as she hasn't much previous experience.
    Although I must admit it does get easier each time.
    Tsr has definitely helped me with that, as did omegle
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    (Original post by katbob)
    Lolol I didn't say that.
    With you I guess I was mainly saying you don't understand women.

    We can't just sever a connection like that. Damn I wish we could but we can't especially in the OPs instance as she hasn't much previous experience.
    Although I must admit it does get easier each time.
    Tsr has definitely helped me with that, as did omegle
    :curious: So I "disgust" you and I'm the reason awful men exist in society because, according to you, I don't understand women.

    Well, you're right about one thing: I must not understand women, because that makes no sense whatsoever

    Anyway, just stay on topic and respond to the OP, not me.
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    (Original post by katbob)
    You guys are the very reason men like this exist in society.

    You disgust me the pair of you. You clearly have no idea about women.

    I am genuienly baffled and don't know what to say but erm good luck in life I guess.
    Oh please.
    Spare me the faux outrage and read what i said.
    Op clearly has problems.
    CLEARLY.
    and while they might not be her fault they are not his either.
    Its deeper than him trying to get his leg over.
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    On a more serious note, this is how young girls are recruited into the porn industry. I'd advise you to stay away but with you being a woman an all, you'll likely run straight into his arms and that will be the beginning of a long, abusive relationship.

    Best of luck OP
 
 
 
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