Uni or not - I'm really torn

well, i'd strongly advise taking a gap year. it sounds like you're not at all ready for university yet. however, you must get used to not being at home, because it's not going to be there forever. i'd advise maybe going abroad on some kind of volunteering programme with other people your age to make friends and have a good time to improve your confidence. just make the most of your gap and your whole perception on life will change. you might even change your course if you feel differently.

It is rare that I am direct as I am about to be, but reading the post, its clear that this is a little more than the standard pre uni nerves. I can idenify to some extent with what you say about work coming above a social life - I still get sarcastic remarks from friends about it being new year when they see me!!

In a way you have done the hard work, you have the A's. Now I think you need to address two things...

1. Getting the right course

This is soo important, probably more so than it appears now. Its so important to actually want to study the course you take at uni. This, I think drives everything and keeps you going when times are hard. You sound like a very determined person which will see you so far, but three years is an awful long time doing something you don't like. This is especially the case when you could be applying all those brains you have to something you want to do!

2. Being in the frame of mind to make the most of things

The honesty you show is refreshing - and I think we all think sometimes that we need to grow up a bit! On a personal level, its quite clear that for me to be able to perform at my best I have to be happy and secure. Sure, we all need to take a leap of faith every now and then but it seems that with the way you feel and the depression there are one or two things to work through for you at the present time. As I say, in a way you have done the hard work for now..and far better to wait a year when you can capitalise on this than to rush it. Uni will always be there for when the time is right, and I think you will know when that is. It's natural to have a few nerves as I say, but this I think is different from that.

I would also try and broach the subject with those close to you. If you can try and explain to them how you feel, I am sure they will be understanding and supportive. Its really important that you do whats best for you, and not to do things to please other people.

I hope this might be some help, and lots of luck to you

I would suggest maybe waiting for another year before uni - if you're panicking this much now then maybe you aren't ready. Take some time out to reconsider what you'd like to study. Take your time and remember there's no rush

Secondly, if you have a gap year, work for a few months while you consider reapplying to uni. Then maybe find an organised trip/expedition/trek for people 18-21 years old to somewhere you might like to visit, doing something you'd like to do (maybe the more random the better?!). If there's one thing that helps build confidence, it's travelling somewhere new and exciting, and meeting lots of new people along the way will only help boost your self esteem. Travelling like that is good - if you feel like you need some alone time, then you're on your own so you're free to wander off for a bit and have some quality 'you' time. But then there's always different people to talk to and get to know a little if you feel you want a chat. It'll also help you adjust to life away from home, which again might boost your confidence - maybe some of your nerves are down to leaving your family, especially if you're close with them, which is no bad thing

Finally, remember any decision you make should be YOUR decision. By all means take advice, but don't let people sway you to do one thing when you don't feel it's right deep down. Take your time and don't antagonise over it too much, otherwise you'll get more worked up. You're still young so you've plenty of time to decide what you want to do!

Please bear with me, I'll try to cut a long story short:

I've always been a really academic person, working hard at school... a lot of the time in sacrifice of my social life. Meanwhile, I've always been really close to home and to my family to the extent where I have been 'babied' too much; home is like my security blanket. I didn't have the easiest time at school for parts of my time there: teasing about me being hardworking, everyone considering me 'nice' but not friendship material (although within the past couple of years I've started to make genuine friends), and as a result I have low self-confidence and almost no self-esteem. Meanwhile, I've just acheived all As at A-Level, meeting my 3A offer to study at uni.

However, I've never wanted to study the subject I've applied for - the fact I've been ill with depression this past year hasn't helped - and now I'm at a crossroads... I've contacted my uni to see if I can transfer to the course I think I prefer to do (not immediately related degree-wise, but same 3A offer!), but I'm waiting for a response from them.

Despite this, I'm at a real crossroads: if my transfer is successful, I face the possibility of starting uni this year (although I can turn around and say no to their offer this year), and if not it'll be a gap year. The prospect of going to uni this year terrifies me: I don't feel ready to leave home, nor do I feel I have the energy to basically start from scratch and make new friends, and act confident when deep down I'm an absolutely nervous wreck (and although this is a more minor factor I'm not a big drinker so those sort of nights out are really daunting), plus I've always worked so hard I feel like I don't know who I am other than some grades on a piece of paper. On the other hand, an as yet unplanned gap year seems like an equally lonely road: even though I'd probably work and go on an expedition or two and come across other people that way, I'm afraid it'll be easier said than done: I'm not consistently mixing with others my age, plus I'll still be at home - although I've worked it out with my parents that they won't be so babying towards me.

I feel like it's a case of one extreme or the other, and don't know where to go from here. Can anyone advise? Also, can anyone point me in the direction of any specialist helplines that deal with advising people on uni options?

I've always worked so hard I feel like I don't know who I am other than some grades on a piece of paper

and although this is a more minor factor I'm not a big drinker so those sort of nights out are really daunting

I can understand how you feel about leaving home after an illness - I had chronic fatigue syndrome in years 11 and 12, and it made me quite dependant on my family, and less grown up than my friends as I couldn't get a part-time job or go out as much. Having to make a completely new set of friends at uni, and look after yourself, is quite scary. However, most unis offer a lot of support for their students.

If you decide to take a gap year no-one will think any worse of you - lots of people do it and you deserve a break from all that school. But definitely make sure you'll have plenty to do. It sounds like you worked pretty single-mindedly through school, and now A levels have finished you could end up feeling pretty directionless if you don't have any concrete plans (I know I feel directionless, and that's only from this summer, as I know I'm going to uni in october!). I think you could definitely become more grownup and confident in a gap year, by going on an expedition or maybe getting a job. Both of these would allow you to make new friends, and allow you to learn who you are outside of an academic context.

On the other hand, uni's not a totally bad idea. If you get an offer for the course you want to do, and approach uni in a positive mindset, then I think you could have a great time. And in a way, university is quite a structured environment which might be easier than a gap year that you have to plan from scratch. Its an ideal way to meet new people, and not all of them will be crazy drinkers.

I reckon you should think about your health - the last thing you want to do is make yourself ill again from too much stress. Don't worry about your decision too much, you can have a great year whichever option you choose.

Oh dear this post is getting kind of rambling. PM me if you want to chat about any of this.
x

I agree with what everyone's said. A gap year sounds essential to your self-discovery, largely because of this...

A lot can happen in a year, especially at a young age, and an active gap year will probably make things so much clearer for you. Don't worry about being lonely; as has been said, go with people like Project Trust - they can get you teaching with other young people abroad. I've found, in this past year, myself waking up with my outlook just adjusted by a tiny fraction, and it's made me much happier about my life and my future.

Sounds like you've been duped by the media culture! It thinks it knows youth, but it doesn't. Don't worry, I think you can be yourself at university. If you don't want to go out painting the town, don't go - you'll find people who share your outlook. Join some societies, follow your interests, and make friends that way. I certainly don't want to go out drinking, but I'm not daunted, because I know there are other things on my plate.

Take the year out. Have fun, learn some more about yourself, and don't worry - it's never worth it.

i know im the only 1 2 say this so far but i think itd b best for u to go 2 uni. i mean if where ur going has catered halls its a pretty safe environment and mayb throwing yourself in the deep end is what you need. i think the danger is that if you take a gap year you will feel exactly the same anxiety next year and 1. wont have prepared yourself any better, 2. possibly wasted a year of you precious life.

Please bear with me, I'll try to cut a long story short:

I've always been a really academic person, working hard at school... a lot of the time in sacrifice of my social life. Meanwhile, I've always been really close to home and to my family to the extent where I have been 'babied' too much; home is like my security blanket. I didn't have the easiest time at school for parts of my time there: teasing about me being hardworking, everyone considering me 'nice' but not friendship material (although within the past couple of years I've started to make genuine friends), and as a result I have low self-confidence and almost no self-esteem. Meanwhile, I've just acheived all As at A-Level, meeting my 3A offer to study at uni.

However, I've never wanted to study the subject I've applied for - the fact I've been ill with depression this past year hasn't helped - and now I'm at a crossroads... I've contacted my uni to see if I can transfer to the course I think I prefer to do (not immediately related degree-wise, but same 3A offer!), but I'm waiting for a response from them.

Despite this, I'm at a real crossroads: if my transfer is successful, I face the possibility of starting uni this year (although I can turn around and say no to their offer this year), and if not it'll be a gap year. The prospect of going to uni this year terrifies me: I don't feel ready to leave home, nor do I feel I have the energy to basically start from scratch and make new friends, and act confident when deep down I'm an absolutely nervous wreck (and although this is a more minor factor I'm not a big drinker so those sort of nights out are really daunting), plus I've always worked so hard I feel like I don't know who I am other than some grades on a piece of paper. On the other hand, an as yet unplanned gap year seems like an equally lonely road: even though I'd probably work and go on an expedition or two and come across other people that way, I'm afraid it'll be easier said than done: I'm not consistently mixing with others my age, plus I'll still be at home - although I've worked it out with my parents that they won't be so babying towards me.

I feel like it's a case of one extreme or the other, and don't know where to go from here. Can anyone advise? Also, can anyone point me in the direction of any specialist helplines that deal with advising people on uni options?